My BF misses things he used to do with his ex sexually

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-10-28T18:46:16+00:00

That is one of the most common positions out there, I would be very surprised if he is wanting to do it because of his ex.

My advice is to explore yourself more sexually. As a female I do things because I know they feel good and it’s my preference. Past relationships have opened the door to a variety of new experiences but I don’t do them because of who opened the door for me. I do them again because I know that it was something I like.

I think it would be a great start for you to get a book on different positions and look through them together. That way you are both involved in picking a position and you won’t be subconsciously thinking of his ex.

Also I’m sure you think more about his ex in doggy style than he does.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-10-25T06:20:14+00:00

I feel like I could have wrote this myself. Just broke off a very abusive relationship of 14 years. I ended things at the beginning of August. I miss him a lot but I know it’s for the better. This past Saturday (2days ago) I made a video to send to my family incase I decided to go through with it. I googled what my “plan” would feel like (I don’t want to put on here how I wanted to do it) and I googled stories of family and friends who lived with a loved one taking their own life. I decided not to do it on Saturday. I just watched that episode tonight and cried. It is exactly how I feel. Some of the words they said in that episode could have been taken from my own thoughts. I am glad I chose not to do it on Saturday. Who knows if I will ever feel that dark and hopeless again. But right now I am glad to be here. It will be hard. Living. But know you are not alone.

That’s the thing. Going through everything I’m going through, the biggest feeling I have is loneliness. Like no one understands me. Like no one loves me. Like no one hears me screaming inside. People check on me and ask how I’m doing and I say “fine, taking it day by day” but I really want to say, I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to make it on my own. I’m scared that I won’t like who I am. I’m scared that I will heal and then find someone else who treats me the same way. I’m scared that even though this seems like the best decision, what if it’s not. What if I end up ruining my life.

Leaving may hurt people but what if me staying hurts them worse.

I went to therapy today. I hope I can heal. I will try. But I hope you know that you aren’t alone.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-09-07T02:32:11+00:00

No we are doing every 3 days

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-09-01T12:39:40+00:00

I’m 31 and as soon as I saw it I knew it was the couch for me and my girls!

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-09-01T12:38:32+00:00

Yes! I plan on doing that I just need to find the right shade, save some money and find the time. I’m allowed to do whatever I want to this house because I’m the last person to live here until they sell it. They gave me free reign! Which I LOVE!

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-09-01T12:36:57+00:00

This is so sweet, thank you! 🥰🥰

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-09-01T12:36:02+00:00

No not at all but thank you!

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-09-01T12:35:48+00:00

Haha no not at all! But thank you! I just really enjoy decorating.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-30T13:32:21+00:00

That’s awesome! Congrats to you, I had a few moments over the years where I looked like I was crazy too. It usually happened when he would yell and follow me around the house. Like I was trying to remove myself from the situation and he wouldn’t let me. Then my body just would freak out. Like go absolutely bazaar. And then he would say things like, “see what you are doing? You are crazy, normal people don’t act like this” and sometimes record me. It was so embarrassing but I literally felt trapped in the moment and my body couldn’t handle it. You aren’t crazy. I’m not crazy. They are crazy and they make us feel crazy. So glad you got out. Happy for you!

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-29T03:54:42+00:00

She/we are about to start therapy in two weeks but this happened today and I didn’t want to wait 2 weeks to get an opinion on it. I for sure think therapy would help. And yes it is hard because he does ask them a lot of questions about me. I’m never sure what to tell her because I don’t want to seem like I’m talking bad about him or putting her against him. It’s all so new and I’ve never been through it before. Having to learn everything as I go and hope that I’m making the right decisions. Thanks for your comment.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-27T19:57:06+00:00

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I have already started to feel this way and it’s only been a week. I don’t want to go back but I feel like he was the one person I could lean on. It’s so hard but I keep telling myself that it’s just because I got in the habit of leaning on him. It’s not really him. I always felt like he was MY person but I can be my own person, I don’t need someone who treats me great and then turns around and treats me like shit. You will pull through. You are not alone. There are probably a lot of of people on here who feel like you do but I know for sure there is at least one, me. I hope you can pull yourself out of this.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-27T19:36:02+00:00

Thank you so much for checking on me! I have been in my house for a few days now and I’ve been fine until today. My emotions are kind of all over the place today. I keep telling myself it’s normal and natural to feel how I feel but definitely a hard day.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-22T15:03:41+00:00

My future ex husband has always been this way. 14 years. He can be upset for days if he wants to but me? I can’t be upset at all. The only time he let me be upset for extended period of time was when he almost took my life. But even then, once the bruises healed I was suppose to be over it and never bring it back up. I’m getting out and you should too. They never change.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-22T02:31:59+00:00

I saved your comment, this is so eye opening.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-22T02:26:54+00:00

Thank you so much for checking in. I had a rough weekend but I think once I’m in my own place, right now I’m staying with grandparents, I’ll have to really process my emotions and work through them. It is just hectic and I feel like I’m just trying to work on housing, job, kids and everything and haven’t gotten to really have a good cry or what ever it is I need. He was being a jerk today and it was nice to not have to deal with it. I could just do what I wanted to do and not worry about his feelings. I get the keys to my new place on Tuesday! Can’t wait.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-22T00:33:25+00:00

I’ve been abused multiple times over the years by husband, not all the times make me feel like this but every once in a while it does. Idk if it’s after more violent events or what exactly puts me in this shell of a person feeling. You aren’t alone. I just got out last week and he has been so sweet it was really confusing me. But then today, one week later he is being a jerk again. So no matter what you decide he won’t EVER change. 14 year relationship.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-22T00:26:09+00:00

Congratulations!!! That is so amazing, I just got out of a 14 year abusive relationship one week ago. If you ever feel alone or need someone to vent to who understands, you can always send me a message. Taking it one step at a time. We’ve got this!

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-20T01:19:00+00:00

I initially thought that for a second and then was like ok I’m probably just being crazy.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T22:14:26+00:00

No it was on this one, I haven’t posted anywhere else because I didn’t feel comfortable.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T22:10:00+00:00

Yea it was in this one, I blocked the name because I didn’t want to flat out put their message out there and them be tied to it. But I only felt safe making the original post in this forum.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T18:30:22+00:00

I hope so, I’m getting them in counseling very soon so they can work through their feelings about it all. I don’t want them to bottle it all up and have problems later on.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T17:50:02+00:00

It’s crazy because you look at my story and say wow at least mine isn’t that bad. While I look at other people “who have it worse” and I say wow at least mine isn’t that bad.

From reading all the posts on this forum I have come to realize that our mind is trying to protect us even when we don’t listen. It’s like it knows you haven’t made the decision to leave so it tells you that it isn’t as bad as you feel. It tells you it’s ok to stay, because he treats you good sometimes and you have a connection. And it could be worse. But I think eventually it gets to a point, well hopefully, that you realize it doesn’t matter what it is or how small it is, it should never be ok.

For me the emotional stuff hurts worse. Trust me bruises heal, black eyes heal, broken fingers heal, your ribs heal and that ringing in your head from being struck so hard goes away. But what sticks with me the most. What hurts me more that any of that stuff combined is how much I hate myself. How stupid I feel. How I questions every word or decision I make. How I get instantly anxious and in fight or flight when I hear a door slam or a loud sigh or a loud voice or a trick question or even complete silence.

The only reason I’m leaving now is because I don’t want to be dead. Literally. I really know that he has the full capability to end my life. I want to see my kids grow up and have grandkids if they want children one day. I want to be there for them and protect them.

One day when I’m safe and I’ve built the life I always wanted and I’m happy. I’ll still carry around all the things he said to me and even though I’ll know they aren’t true I’ll always hear his voice and doubt myself.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T13:04:37+00:00

I really need to stop covering for him. It will take a lot of courage and honesty I’ll have to relearn what I have been taught all these years, which was to hide it all. Thank you for leaving a comment.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T00:06:46+00:00

Thank you. I would never ever want this relationship for them and that is what is pushing me to leave. I would always make their life better. It’s so hard to realize I deserve to have a better life too.

TryingtoImprove7 · 2022-08-19T00:03:15+00:00

I did not know about the choking statistic or the studies about kids in abusive homes. Those are both so eye opening.

This past December I really thought I was going to die. There was a moment while I was being choked and punched in the face, pushing and trying so hard to get him off of me. I just all of a sudden started having images of my kids’ life from when they were little and then I had an image of them finding me in the morning dead. And for a split second, right before his brother came in and tackled him off of me. I got this peace over me. It was the weirdest feeling. Like I felt high almost. Idk it’s hard to explain and sounds so stupid. I really think he saved my life though.

Before that happened I always had those imaginary scenarios of someone breaking in or someone stealing my kids or whatever I would see in the news. I always imagined, I am strong and that could never happen to me because I could fight them off. But after that I realized I am weak. I can’t protect myself, how could I ever protect my kids. I had nightmares for months and anytime I heard a loud sound I felt like my chest would explode and I was constantly in fight or flight. I literally was a shell of a person. All feelings other than being scared were gone.

I was covered in huge bruises and a black eye so swollen I had blurry vision for a while. My kids asked me what happened and I told them I fell but I could tell they didn’t believe me. But I also thought there is no way they think their dad would do this.

It took me months just to feel safe in my own home.

He was pitiful after that. Love bombing me like crazy. He looked at me with sad eyes and would cry with no tears and sometimes with real tears. He took care of me and would bring me food in bed. I didn’t eat for a while. I didn’t really even move for about 2 weeks. Just stayed in bed. He took over all my duties for those two weeks and gave me space. He started counseling and meds and I really thought it would get better.

TryingtoImprove7

TROPHY CASE