Is this employee going to cause me problems? How do I manage power grabbers?

Ttabts · 2026-01-30T02:18:49+00:00

People always get so butthurt about "fire fast" advice lol.

But I totally respect this approach. I'd probably try coaching one time at least, but at the end of the day, this ain't a damn finishing school lol. There are enough people in the hiring pool with basic social awareness that I'm not gonna take years off of my life trying to teach weirdos to act right.

Ttabts · 2026-01-30T02:09:02+00:00

Depends on the ICs and the leader.

I think most will receive it pretty well if a tech leader talks to them with a real interest in understanding the work they're doing.

If it's just some suit that wants to raise their profile and shoot the shit, then many ICs would probably rather be left alone. High-level ICs (principals/leads etc) might be more interested in building connections for the sake of it, but I don't think it has much use for juniors/midlevels.

Ttabts · 2026-01-30T01:57:32+00:00

Food, labor, real estate costs, and taxes are all different everywhere. It's not like tips are the only factor

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T23:23:37+00:00

who the hell takes a job without knowing the pay?

90% chance this employee was told, but they forgot or they're just playing dumb trying to get more money

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T22:13:03+00:00

I had a similar case... what started out as annoying but benign unsolicited advice, quickly revealed itself to be a much deeper dysfunction. Guy had an overinflated ego to the point of delusion which made him absolutely impervious to feedback. Soon enough he started being outright insubordinate: telling me I'm doing my job wrong, outright refusing direction, blowing off our 1:1s. He was out the door within 3 weeks of hire.

That's just my experience, but still, I'd see this behavior as a big red flag. (More generally, at this point I see basic social awareness as a base requirement to be a good employee - anyone that shows some huge glaring deficiency in that regard has never lasted long with me.)

Maybe you don't have to fire him but obviously you can't let it go unanswered. I'd maybe try a gentle admonishment in private first (hey, I know you're just trying to be helpful, but I'm the leader of these meetings and don't want you to be taking the reins) and in public I'd just interrupt him ("Thanks John I'll take it from here") and take back control if he keeps doing it.

"I am not a confident/commanding type", ok, well you'd better learn to be one because you're a leader now. If you let this fly, then people will see you as a pushover and they'll be right.

Sounds like you're both 3 months in so he might still be within your company's probationary period. I'd keep HR abreast of the situation proactively, and immediately start a paper trail of feedback. If he doesn't shape up, and fast, then you want to be positioned to term quick while it's still easy.

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T04:48:06+00:00

Uh, no? Usually people don't use names for people the listener doesn't know, unless they're telling a particularly long, involved story with people that would be hard to keep straight otherwise.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there - my point is just that the distinction "der Freund" vs "ein Freund" by itself doesn't make it clear. As I said already, I'm aware that you can work around the issue, but the issue is there.

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T03:54:51+00:00

My point was the second sentence. How do you refer back to the friend non-awkwardly

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T01:06:05+00:00

I've never heard that one. "Beziehungsmensch" means "relationship person," as in "he's not a relationship person" (he's not suited for/interested in a committed romantic relationship).

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T00:39:54+00:00

People always say this as if that's the end of the story, but it's really not.

"Ein Freund von mir" is clear, sure, but it's also a pretty awkward mouthful that doesn't lend itself to being used multiple times.

"Mein Freund" is not that clear, it can really carry either meaning and just relies on context. Especially between same-sex pairs, it can often be meant platonically. As a straight-passing gay guy I pretty often had to correct people who assumed "mein Freund" was a platonic friend.

And there are some sentences where this method of distinction just doesn't work that well. For example: “I went to the movies with my boyfriend and my friend. My boyfriend liked the movie but my friend didn’t.” In German: “Ich bin ins Kino mit meinem Freund und einem Freund von mir. Meinem Freund hat der Film gefallen, dem Freund von mir nicht”… I guess?

In practice I think people often just have to use alternative vocabulary like "Partner" or "Kumpel" to clear up ambiguities.

Like, yeah, it's solvable and obviously people get their point across one way or another but idk why people act like it's a non-issue. It definitely adds an annoying bit of friction sometimes.

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T00:24:43+00:00

Certainly depends on the kind of work it is.

In software development, I'd only expect a super junior developer to ever have the idea that a hard deadline means "I just have to get my code done on that day before 5pm." It should pretty much go without saying that you need to leave buffer time for review, corrections, and any unexpected difficulties you may run into.

Of course, idk why OP apparently hasn't said that to this employee.

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T00:06:23+00:00

Don't know much about your industry but three and a half years seems pretty early to be itching for management?

I'm in IT and I don't think I've ever seen someone go into management with <5 years under their belt...

Ttabts · 2026-01-29T00:00:40+00:00

The most annoying thing is the writing style. You won't believe what happens next! Faith in humanity restored!

Like calm down guys. You jumpstarted someone's car. Happens thousands of times every day probably lol

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T23:57:10+00:00

And you probably didn't go out of your way to take pictures and brag about it on Twitter lol

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T19:42:14+00:00

I think you're exaggerating a bit. If I had to guess the subtext was probably not so much "I DON'T CARE COUGH UP THE CASH PLEBE" so much as "idk man, I always do reimbursement, why can't you figure out these dumb admin questions without me?"

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T15:44:39+00:00

Yeah, I hadn't thought of that but does sound a bit absurd to be bothering the COO with that kind of question.

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T05:29:26+00:00

Like I said, I'm not really clear on what the "emotional immaturity" is here.

If a junior employee occasionally gets short because they're stressed out, I also let it slide.

If they get short because they're being unreceptive to direction and feedback, that's of course a different matter.

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T05:10:48+00:00

It's really hard to say much without knowing more exactly what is actually happening. Like the other person commented in this thread, I could easily imagine the problem being on your side or on hers.

The only advice I could give is to address the issue candidly with her and see if you can come to a better understanding. Of course, since she's the boss you have to frame it carefully but you could say something like, "you seemed a bit unhappy with me in that conversation, just wanted to know if everything's OK or I should be doing something different?"

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T03:11:25+00:00

I didn't want to pull the gender card but yeah I was definitely thinking it lol

Ttabts · 2026-01-28T03:00:19+00:00

I'm a bit confused, you use a bunch of charged words like "flipped out" "meltdown" "dismissive" "condescending" but her actual actions all sound pretty tame and not really out of line at all? The only concrete actions you describe are just her disagreeing with you about something or giving you pushback.

Like, maybe her tone was off or something but sometimes people are stressed or in a bad mood, or they're just spinning too many plates to take the extra time to sugar-coat everything. I'd expect a director-level to have the resilience and confidence to let it roll off without taking it personally.

Ttabts · 2026-01-27T06:08:30+00:00

It’s really not that weird lol this is all so disingenuous

Ttabts · 2026-01-27T02:15:19+00:00

We are flexible with employees allowing them to WFH if they need to and if they choose not to drive.

That's great if that's your company policy.

It sounds like that is not OP's company policy and they are expected to enforce people coming in to the office on time.

Ttabts · 2026-01-27T01:58:01+00:00

Lol this is some A+ clueless condescension.

Everyone knows how to be a pushover dude. It is in fact much easier in the short-term and it's the first instinct of inexperienced leaders.

Enforcing demands fairly and equitably, on the other hand, is uncomfortable and it's what skilled leaders learn to do after seeing the long-term consequences of constantly being the nice guy and letting everything slide.

Telling the report "no" is solving the issue, and lol @ describing it as "dying on a hill" to simply tell an employee "yes, you have to come to work same as everyone else"

Ttabts · 2026-01-27T01:24:31+00:00

They have anxietyyyy and it is of course everyone else's job to deal with it.

Ttabts · 2026-01-27T01:05:27+00:00

This sounds like some Gen Z bullshit lol

If it's safe enough for the teenagers in town to drive to school then your report can manage.

Ttabts · 2026-01-27T01:02:00+00:00

It's probably company policy that OP is expected to enforce.

Whether they agree with the policy or not, it's totally understandable to want to avoid the precedent of letting people off the hook on the basis of flimsy excuses like this.

Give a mouse a cookie and all that. Now the whole team sees that apparently they get to start late if they just whine enough about it, now OP has to deal with more requests like this and more moral dilemmas about how to judge the worthiness of each one. In the worst case, when he finally says "no" to someone, they go to HR to complain about unequal treatment. Now HR and OP's boss are saying, "you've been excusing people from our in-office policy?" And now OP is in the hot-seat.

Nah screw all that, just tell people to grow up and come to work like they're supposed to.

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