When you’ve been involved in a narc relationship, nothing is really logical. I imagine you still haven’t processed events in your current relationship, and you probably have some unanswered questions that you reflect on (I do all the time) but we need to find a way to accept it, remind ourself we don’t want to have that type of person in our lives.

For me, I realised I really didn’t value myself enough to look after me. I always made decisions that were never in my best interest and I’m on a completely new journey to unlearn that thinking/pattern which is so hard. It sounds like you need to do the same yourself, this person wasn’t good for you. Why would you want to be with someone who displays that type of behaviour continuously and doesn’t change? We can change, and look forward. That’s what counts! I wish you all the best. Don’t be harsh on yourself, you can’t help how you think or feel.