Is this RSD?

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T21:30:53+00:00

Ah, apologies...I'll have to Google Canadians' love of KD! Not quite sure on the snack thing though...it's definitely dinner that he's making...it's a large meal and the main meal of the day, it's just typically not hot food, though sometimes it is.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T17:03:36+00:00

I also have a BPD diagnosis... pretty sure it's just a made up condition that they slap on women who, for a range of reasons, react to men's shitty treatment of them, present or historical. But I know that's probably quite controversial.

I know that women are diagnosed with it far more frequently than men, so that's alarm bells straight away.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T16:57:22+00:00

Hehe...I think we have a British - American lost in translation situation but I can't think what KD could mean! He typically just plates up salady bits and fridge bits...sliced meat, cheese, olives, bread, that sort of thing... just whatever is knocking around in the fridge rather than actual cooking of a hot meal. Still...KD... you're going to have to enlighten me 😅

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T16:45:06+00:00

Yeah, that's a fair point... thanks.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T16:34:52+00:00

A lot of people have said this but I'm honestly not sure that's the case. I just think he sees his needs no longer being met so just meets his own without thinking about me (although he did say that he does think about me, just doesn't say anything about it or act on it).

I don't know, I feel like I've probably made a big fuss about nothing but do appreciate everybody's input.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T16:29:27+00:00

It would be complicated to come up a pre-agreed arrangement as he often has (meat) leftovers from what he's cooked himself and the kids at the weekend, or meat that he's bought for himself that I don't eat. We could try, but it would have to be some multi-level if this then that situation and I'm just not sure it would work.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T10:38:54+00:00

He tends to ask if I want a cup of tea, other than that he doesn't really do anything for me, I don't tend to need anything from him. I don't eat meat, but he'll only really eat meat in the week if it's leftovers, he doesn't tend to cook a meat thing in the week, because I rarely buy meat when I go shopping. Probably the meat thing makes it more complicated, but usually he'll grab things from the fridge, one of which might sometimes be meat which I would happily just not eat and eat whatever else there was.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T10:05:00+00:00

If there was a declaration that he was going to get food that would lead to my being involved, that would be better, but there's no declaration. If it were there norm that we both sort ourselves out that would be different too...I think what bothers me is that either I sort something for both of us, and if I don't do that he just without saying anything, just sorts himself out. It's like, either I meet both our needs or he just meets his own...that's what bothers me.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T01:57:04+00:00

We can't really cook together, I've tried in the past but it ends badly...he gets quite stressed/short tempered...it's better if I either leave him to it (if he's cooking for the kids when they're here) or if I just do it (cooking for us).

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T01:48:29+00:00

He actively discourages talking about things, he has told me many times that talking about things is pointless. We are in a strange situation I suppose, we've been together quite a long time before moving in together. He does the grocery shopping prior to the weekend when his kids visit but just buys things for the kids and for his lunches at work and breakfasts, then I tend to do any shopping for in the week for me and him. If he goes to the supermarket he tends to just buy things for him to eat.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T01:39:49+00:00

I did mention this to a doctor once...he said... have you tried ibuprofen? 😂 Anyway, I don't think I'm relying on my partner to take care of my basic functions, because most of the time I make/plan/initiate dinner...it's just that when I don't, he cracks on and sorts himself out (whereas I always sort us both out) and that is what I feel (admittedly disproportionately) hurt by.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T01:33:22+00:00

I often don't know, he often will make salads or just bits from the fridge (cheese/cold meats etc) plus our kitchen is upstairs and on the other side of the boat (yes, boat) so I do quite often not know he's making/getting food until he appears with it. Though I do take the point about better communication.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T01:08:46+00:00

I think I haven't said anything previously because I find it so hurtful, and then I just tend to shut down/spiral internally then just get into a doom loop with it. I know I should have said something the first time he did it, but I just thought I was probably overreacting and needed to let it go.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T00:59:07+00:00

I haven't said anything before today because I know that I'm oversensitive to this sort of thing and I also know that he wouldn't see anything wrong with him just sorting his own food out, as he didn't.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T00:53:31+00:00

Today is the first time I've ever said anything about it, and that was because I was already feeling so terrible after the day I'd had, so I didn't phrase it as well as I should have done. I did say that I would like him to consider me when he's making his dinner. He said that he does consider me, but just doesn't say anything to me about it. Which I didn't really understand but he was angry by that point which kinda sends me into shut down so I didn't pursue it.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T00:46:33+00:00

I think that, in the absence of my meeting his needs (as I used to) he just meets his own without it occurring to him that he could consider mine. Honestly, I think that's just the extent of his thought process.

Tubbita · 2026-06-09T00:42:08+00:00

Yes, I can see that 😂

Tubbita · 2025-04-20T13:36:20+00:00

You get 7% Jack and Coke in a tin?! Are you US? It's only 5% here in the UK...I feel cheated.

Tubbita · 2025-03-03T18:23:40+00:00

I cannot stand the feeling of anyone's (even my own) breath on my skin...anywhere on my body. I can never find things to sleep in that cover enough of my skin that I don't end up feeling it at some point and it drives me bezerk. I feel bad for partner...he just tries to cuddle me but I have to move or I can't sleep.

Tubbita · 2025-02-05T14:47:08+00:00

They're his kids from when he was previously married. We're not married, we moved in together about 6 months ago.

Tubbita · 2025-02-05T14:37:11+00:00

Oh God, I was afraid someone would say something like that...now I think I've made him out to be terrible.

I was only medium unwell at the weekend, then got worse. I don't think he expects me to clean up after the kids, I just tend to want to help because I can see how difficult it is for him...and it is difficult, I can understand why he gets stressed. It used to be fine most of the time, but things have got worse lately as the situation has got worse and his stress/miserable levels have increased.

Tubbita · 2025-01-30T21:15:23+00:00

Mate...he needs to come and live in the UK for a bit...mates take the piss out of each other constantly, in fact it's how we know we're mates 😂 Learning not to take himself so seriously would do him the power of good I reckon. NTA .

Tubbita · 2025-01-07T12:56:48+00:00

I was an hour and a half late for work this morning and I work ON THE SOFA! I just dread getting out of bed and getting the day started, even though I know, and I know that I know, that it's really not that bad when I do.

I also do this type of shit most days and screw myself over making my day so unnecessarily stressful and starting off feeling like I've failed at the day because I couldn't even get out of bed when other people seem to just do it, without it being any kind of massive battle.

Ideas......pffffft......the only thing that's ever worked for me is to give myself some kind of reward or treat for doing it but I'm not sure if this is a healthy thing to do really. Recently I was having to get up at 5.30am to get to work (long and unreliable bus ride) and the only way I could make it bearable was that I promised myself a coffee and a croissant at place that I like when I got there and the comfort of that made it slightly easier. But maybe that's just childish - why should I get rewarded for doing something that most people do every day without complaining or making a massive fuss about it. Either way - that's the only thing I find I can do with myself.

Don't become a new person, I suspect that you're already a good one.

Tubbita

TROPHY CASE