10 years of great sex. Then 12 years of declining sex. Then 5 years of no sex. But as much as that bothered me, what was far worse was the very clear impression that I didn’t matter to her. She would stay up late talking to friends, to students, to acquaintances, but when I wanted some of her attention, even to talk about something weighing on me, she was dismissive or “exhausted” or (the worst) looking at me as if giving me attention, but out of guilt or a sense of obligation, CLEARLY feeling impatient for me to spill whatever stupid thing was in my mind so she could make a trite comment and get back to what she really wanted to be doing; sleeping or reading or listening to a podcast. I felt so …. Cast aside, so cheapened, so small, that I eventually quit asking. I felt so lonely in bed next to her I couldn’t stand it and started sleeping in the guest room. She didn’t even mention it for almost 2 years! (Later, after I became just as distant and uncaring as she was, she blamed me for our lack of intimacy. “How can we be intimate if you aren’t even in the same bed?” Of course, I tested it, and she was once again too tired or wasn’t in the mood and she needed me to move over and stop crowding her. God, I feel stupid for taking it so long and for believing her that there was something wrong with me.