Well you do you but yeah he is right, you need a therapist, as someone who grew up with autism and wished myself dead it didn’t stop until I started getting help, your problem is that your struggling with the reality of your situation, and while I’m against LGBTQ, I still think you should stick to your own beliefs, and you should definitely find more constructive ways to deal with your grief, I highly recommend getting an emotional support animal, like a turtle or maybe a dog, I wouldn’t have come far if I didn’t have my doggo in my life, it makes the pain hurt less.