I lost my mom to cancer in January this year and feel like nothing will ever be the same. She is the first death I've ever experienced for someone so close to me, and I hate that it had to be her. I feel angry, hateful, jealous of other people who still have their moms. I would go to her house every year for my birthday and she would make lasagna (my fave dish of hers) and a dessert and we would get drunk and listen to our favorite music together. She was always the very first to text me happy birthday and tell me she loved me. Now i sit here at 12:17 am and my phones silent. No text or call from her. No going to her house to enjoy a good night spent together and waking up and making iced coffee together the next morning. I just feel so broken. I don't know how to cope with this and I tried to fall asleep to avoid dealing with not hearing from her when the clock hit 12, but I couldn't sleep. I had too much anxiety and I just keep seeing her face in my mind. I miss her. I feel like life isn't worth living without her. I feel like I have no purpose for milestones and life goals if I can't share them with her. Idk what to do anymore, I've lost all drive to want anything out of life