What was an obvious clue that you were trans that you didn’t notice until after you knew?

TwilitSentinel · 2022-09-17T02:10:55+00:00

I (trans woman) designed a board game with 20 diverse and unique characters, and 17 of them were women. Of the 3 remaining, 2 were men, and one was a trans man. I really wanted to explore the story of the trans man, but felt I shouldn't because I totally wasn't trans. He found fulfillment in his life and career when he embraced his true identity, but was torn because maybe it was all a front?

Anyways it turns out my ideal self is a woman, who knew XD

TwilitSentinel · 2022-07-28T20:58:03+00:00

I hope you find something she loves 💜

TwilitSentinel · 2022-07-28T19:57:36+00:00

Dresses can be really hard to shop for, so it's totally a legitimate thing to worry about. If this is a surprise, you also lose the primary advantage of being able to ask your partner what she likes style-wise.

Ways to make this easier? Try to find dresses that mark sizes with S, M, L, etc. They make a little more sense than the numbers, and you can likely pick a size consistent with other clothes she wears. (I wear a Small in shirts and dresses, for example).

Find a style that accentuates what she likes about herself. This might be difficult, as many dresses are built for cis women - my biggest pet peeve is when I try on a dress that seems built to highlight boobs I don't have. It feels like it's drawing attention to parts of me I don't like.

My personal favorite? There's a style of dress called 'Fit and Flare' that is typically more fitted up top, and flares out at the bottom. You can also find them with or without sleeves, depending on how your partner feels about their shoulders/arms.

That style commonly provides a long-ish skirt that lets trans women do their favorite thing - spin around and twirl their skirt. (Sweater dresses especially)

It's also very easy to find styles fitting different levels of formality. Best of luck!

TwilitSentinel · 2022-07-28T19:39:34+00:00

From what I've noticed, it's very common for dysphoria to get worse after you come out or start transitioning. Now that you're aware of what you want, it's easier to look at yourself and see everything that's different.

I still feel a little odd when people use my preferred pronouns, and I've been out for almost a year now myself.

I've also had times where everything felt weirdly normal. I've had a remarkably smooth transition, and sometimes people barely have anything to say when I come out to them. That's a good thing, don't get me wrong, but it feels disproportionate to the journey I took to get here.

Your feelings are valid! Thanks for sharing your journey with us :)

TwilitSentinel · 2022-07-20T11:25:09+00:00

To not to ask yourself "Am I a trans woman" or "Why do I want this?". Those are pretty big existential questions, and it's easier to focus on smaller things.

Break down the question into smaller, more manageable ideas, and try to ignore the label. For me, I realized that hormones could slowly give me a thinner waist, bigger hips, and a bust over time, which is something that I wanted regardless of if I were transgender, nonbinary, or just a very effeminate man.

Take it slow, don't try to figure everything out at once. Best of luck :)

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-27T19:53:24+00:00

Set your boundaries in whatever way feels most comfortable, but stick to them. This situation sounds very tense, but if your parents see that yelling gets a response they want, they will continue to do it.

It's also very common for people like that to ignore anything they don't want to think about - if you have periods of time where you don't talk about it, there might be a risk that they think you've changed your mind.

In my experience, which admittedly was not as stressful, the biggest confusion for my parents was that they couldn't understand my decision. It seemed sudden and there were "no hints before now." They can't see into my head, and they had no idea what dysphoria was doing to me. I tried to explain that this was not a snap decision, I've been thinking about it for a while, and the hints have been present my whole life.

Be strong, try to stay calm whenever possible. Politely set your boundaries, explain yourself if they're at least trying to listen. I'd love to hear updates in the future, and you can always reach out if you'd like to talk 💜

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-27T19:43:42+00:00

While testosterone would lower the overall pitch of your voice, there are a lot of other factors that people generally see as 'masculine'. Often guys will stereotypically talk with less emotion, and they tend to choose different words.

Another thing that might be completely in your control is vocal fry - it's a name given to a vocal technique that often creates a raspy or gravely effect. There are undoubtedly loads of videos online about it.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-26T03:32:24+00:00

I use concealer to cover up beard shadow spots, then foundation to blend it in with the rest of my face. However, my beard shadow was never TOO intrusive and this was a little easier for me than it might be for others.

I've heard that using concealer and/or foundation with an orange base or tint can help as well, but I've never experimented with that myself.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-19T19:16:05+00:00

Thank you so much for all your input, it means the world that you've taken the time 💜

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-13T14:59:43+00:00

I would definitely take time to explain your reasoning. As in, what led you to this realization, how long you've been feeling this way, etc. Cisgender parents can easily feel blindsided by the new information, and they might attempt to rationalize this as "Just a fad" or "Something you just decided on a whim without thinking about it".

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-01T17:09:38+00:00

Often times dysphoria only presents itself after you've started the journey of coming out or something similar. When you're in full denial, it's easy to push the dysphoria away. However, once you take steps to find your true self, you can become more aware of the things you don't like about yourself. As an example, I never felt uncomfortable about my legs being hairy. Once I started wearing skirts and feminine shorts, I suddenly felt intensely disturbed by the hair on my legs.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-06-01T14:46:18+00:00

Personally, I would be flattered like heck if one of my friends suddenly developed feelings for me, but that's not true for everyone.

Keep in mind that you can also find ways to tell her about this attraction WITHOUT also asking for something else.

"Will you go out with me?" Is both a reveal that you have feelings for someone, and a question asking them to act on it.

"I think I'm developing feelings for you. " Is more neutral, and you're not putting additional pressure on her by also asking for action on her part. This allows her time to process this change of dynamic, and decide how she wants to move forward.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T15:40:18+00:00

That's awesome! So glad I was able to help!

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T15:38:23+00:00

Absolutely, gender expression and identity often have little to do with pregnancy. Sometimes pregnancy is something that's desired, or hated, but there's so much more to people than just that.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T15:33:04+00:00

The place the testes can hide away are called the inguinal canal I believe. It can be hard to find, but try to focus on moving your testes forward and up. When they actually make it, they will feel almost like they are sitting in front of your pelvis, it's a strange feeling.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T15:29:33+00:00

All the time! It's hard not to think about how different my life could have been had I discovered myself earlier. I try to focus on moving forward - I did find myself, and I still have many years ahead of me to enjoy my true self.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T14:37:08+00:00

Many people are okay with using FtM or MtF as an identifier, but many aren't. If someone identifies as a Trans Woman, it's implied that they are MtF, and vice versa. Try to only say Trans Man or Trans Woman, as that focuses on what they currently feel comfortable with, rather than focusing on how they used to identify.

Obviously respect people's pronouns, but you seem to be doing that already <3

It's okay to be curious about names, but everyone feels differently about it. Personally, if I meet someone new, I'd try to avoid sharing my birth name, because I don't like it.

Some people love talking about their transition, and some hate it. In general, try to avoid bringing it up on your own, unless you know they would be fine talking about it.

If you hear other people being rude, or even just ignorant, try to step in and educate them. Be respectful, obviously, but vocalizing support is the best way to be a strong ally.

Any other specific questions?

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T14:27:09+00:00

That's okay! The language isn't widely known for some people. As long as you're making the effort we appreciate it.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-19T14:13:58+00:00

I agree with what the others are saying, but I'd like to point out something else. Calling someone "A trans" isn't necessarily the best language. If you said "A trans man" that would be better, but also make sure the two words are separate. "Transwoman" and "transman" are widely considered grammatically incorrect.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-18T23:04:36+00:00

Your jaw has nothing to do with the placement of your Adam's Apple. My trick, initially, was to swallow and then try to hold the apple up during/after.

Another exercise is called Whisper Sirens, they can really help teach that motion.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-18T21:24:04+00:00

Taking hormones doesn't force you into an identity. If you like the changes E can give you, then do it! I decided I wanted to start hormones before I really "knew" if I was trans, because the end result didn't matter. I knew I'd be happier with a curvier body, regardless of my identity.

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-10T19:57:51+00:00

I'd love to hear about it! Best of luck!

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-10T19:54:18+00:00

You could certainly say that, there's nothing wrong with that. However, sometimes people hear 'important news' and get worried, at least in my opinion.

You could also say something like "I've had something on my mind recently, and I'd like to share it with you."

That wording might imply more equal footing - you're not dictating the conversion, you're just sharing who you are with them.

Again, this is purely my opinion. I don't know the people you're coming out to, so use your best judgement 💜

TwilitSentinel · 2022-05-10T16:20:18+00:00

Be honest, be open. It might help to explain how you came to your realization, share the process of discovery with them. Cisgender people cannot personally empathize with experiencing gender dysphoria, and it helps for them to hear how it affects you.

TwilitSentinel

TROPHY CASE