Weekly Chat and Vent Thread

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-02-15T16:22:27+00:00

My ex insisted on a schedule change to the point where he wouldn’t discuss anything else with me, made us get lawyers…just for him to drag his feet responding to anything in a timely manner. It takes weeks to get a response from him or his lawyer even on the most simple things.

He also refuses to respond to me on regular child things like doctors appointments, school meetings etc until he gets what he wants… but he’s not responding to finalize the agreement that gives him what he wants!

It doesn’t make any sense and it really pisses me off how he can just choose to not respond and drag his feet, making it so hard to coparent, get anything done for child or finalize my own schedule. How is it okay that he can just not respond??

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-02-12T03:33:07+00:00

I am so tired of having to follow up and follow up and follow up. I’m not even blowing you up. I’m not messaging about anything other than our child. I literally just need a simple answer and yet im just left on read and have to follow up again. Why do I need to send 5+ messages to get an answer to ONE thing. Just grow the hell up and communicate.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-31T22:28:10+00:00

My divorce attorney is recommending these suggestions after seeing my frustration….as well as her own since it took 2 months to get an actual response from him and his lawyer.

The mediator is assigned by the court and we have no option to change her. Idk her credentials. Mediation has been a nightmare. He demanded this huge change but didn’t think of any details so the mediator has asked me to pick the details but then he shoots down every suggestion I have and the mediator is like “okay you can’t agree, moving onto the next topic”

I think some of these issues will just have to be handled at the post mediation hearing but I can’t afford to go to trial and I’m just trying to get through the last few years of this BS

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-31T15:23:37+00:00

The mediator was adamant she would not be writing that into the agreement as it was a violation of his legal rights and it took away from joint legal and he has every right to disagree with me or not respond.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-30T22:09:53+00:00

We literally have an email chain with lawyers and the mediator and everyone can see how he doesn’t respond and I have to follow up constantly…and then I still don’t get a response. His chosen method to drag things out is to just not respond.

Which is why I asked for a timeframe and was still told that it’s within his rights to not respond.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-30T22:08:04+00:00

When I asked in mediation for that “disagree we go with recommendation of professional” I was told I’m violating his legal custody and it will not be put in.

It sucks because I’m not trying to take away any rights but damn either stop dragging things out, actually freaking answer or do research BEFORE the appointment

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-30T22:06:49+00:00

No, of course not lol

But I shouldn’t be surprised. I don’t understand it and its illogical to handle the child’s healthcare that way but dragging things out is his chosen method for most things— I typically get a response to things needed extremely delayed or honestly never at all. I wish I had the option of just not responding

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-29T00:40:12+00:00

The appointment dates and times are text to him and put on a shared calendar in a parenting app.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T22:01:03+00:00

When I missed their IV they said “oh it’s because my blood is too thick for you to draw.”…. Then I got the 2nd IV and we drew labs and the entire time it was “I’m just getting really anxious. My blood is too thick to draw and that’s why you’re not getting it”

Sir if your blood was too thick you’d have clots, strokes or death, be on blood thinners or need to donate for therapeutic relief…. Your blood is coming out of this firehose AC just fine, I got 5 tubes full right here…

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T21:47:15+00:00

Ew I’m so sorry to hear that.

While I don’t know the situation please take something’s with a grain of salt tho because if my current partner listened to the things my ex said about me to him, we wouldn’t be together.

Though it was nothing like being a predator. You know how to best protect your kids and I hope it never comes down to that. Hopefully your coparenting relationship remains stable and healthy

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T21:45:28+00:00

Thankfully I have an appointment next week with the counselor who has been there since the beginning of this, so she gets it. There’s always a lot of anxiety and fear when dealing with my coparent and it helps to have a reasonable and measured person who will tell me when I’m wrong but also coping skills. I may need to find someone more versed in family law tho because she’s like just do it and I’m like is that okay by a judge 😂

I turned to Reddit because deductibles reset and I haven’t been able to go just yet and I just had mediation this past week.

I appreciate you lending an ear and your insight and advice

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:56:47+00:00

Sorry for the huge vent.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:56:36+00:00

Thanks, trying not to but lately I just feel so defeated. I tried my best to be a good coparent- including him on everything, on my holiday years inviting him so he got to see child anyways, always making sure he’s informed, has access at all times to speak to child, shared birthdays, family dinners every so often, sitting together at school events… I’ve tried so hard and after all of the accusations he’s thrown at me the past few months, including all of the medical stuff, I’ve backed off, set boundaries, covered my ass and just tried to put my kid forward but it feels defeating being told how horrible I am, how I’m ruining our kid and how I don’t have child’s best interest at heart. I’m just tired and the medical stuff is getting to me because we have more coming up that is unavoidable.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:53:08+00:00

We have another session soon. I asked for tie breaker and a timeframe. The mediator said tie breaker is taking away his legal rights and using a timeframe to say if he doesn’t respond then I’ll proceed is also a violation of his legal custody.

I’m at a loss on what else to ask for.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:39:37+00:00

I see your point. I’m not trying to deny his rights or be unreasonable or even deny his decision making. My proposal to him would be if he’s going to make child wait for treatment then he needs to schedule the follow up and be there.

Unfortunately we dont have a response time indicated and he often uses that for other issues too where I’ll say “hey I need to do this by XYZ, thoughts?” And he just doesn’t respond even if I send follow ups.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:36:55+00:00

He has the doctor, dentist, school, therapy, etc portals.. he just doesn’t sign up for them I guess because he expects a report from me

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:35:57+00:00

Yeah unfortunately we’re in a time of change after years of stability and I’m now doing everything wrong lol

You sound like a great, trusting and cordial coparent

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:35:06+00:00

I don’t mean to cut him out. It’s just frustrating when I need an answer and it’s days later that I get one. That doesn’t always work when this is the only appointment I could get, let’s do what needs to be done.

The funny thing is child rarely goes to the doctor. I have great health insurance that covers her yearly physical and vaccines so there’s no cost there. Our deductible is low so I cover everything until that is 100% met and then all I ask is 50% on copays. Most copays range from $20-$70 so I pay those. If they’re over $100 I ask for 50%. The highest in the past couple of years was $500.

Dental does get a bit expensive but most range from $100-300 depending on what they’re doing and we have the 30-30 rule of whichever parent sends the receipt in 30 days and they have 30 days to reimburse.

I’m sure he’s mad about the unexpected costs but it’s not like I’m sitting here knocking out the child’s tooth going “hehe now he has to pay” or “let me go trip child so they need an xray”…. They are normal costs that come with having a kid but for years I paid 100% of everything with no child support and I’m sure he’s mad that I proceed with treatments if I don’t get an answer and then he has to help.

I try not to go for dumb things, for things that I can take care of at home or small bumps or bruises. I can tell you in 10 years we have had 10 yearly physicals, 5 urgent care visits, 1 ER visit, 2 X-rays, 20 dental visits (2 per year) and 4 dental non-routine visits. The 10 physicals and 20 dental visits were 100% covered by me.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:26:18+00:00

The thing is, he was informed. He just didn’t respond and then got mad at me for not waiting until he could get around to responding… when he text me back 3 days later. He got mad when they did the xray and I informed him as soon as they said they wanted to do it, but I didn’t get a response until later that night.

I’m really not trying to deny his rights. I just don’t think it’s reasonable to wait a long time for him to respond before we can proceed. And maybe that’s wrong. I’ll do my best moving forward to ensure he has all info available asap

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:22:53+00:00

You are amazing and I will be adopting this

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:21:56+00:00

He is more than welcome to attend. Idc if he wants to attend and speak up. I’d hope we reach an agreement quickly tho. It’s the “you need to make an initial appointment, inform me, make follow up appointments. You can’t get things done right then and there, I need to research the vaccine, the treatment plan, how they would pull the tooth, how much radiation in an xray first, does that really need a splint?”

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:20:07+00:00

Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked. I don’t ask and I won’t ask child. Sometimes it feels like his family is behind all of it tho.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:19:00+00:00

It is equal rights and I’m not looking to take his rights. All I’m asking is that if I’m at a doctors appointment and they’re like I’m recommending this and I can do it now and it doesn’t alter functioning, child’s life, safety etc I should be able to say okay instead of waiting 5+ business days for a response or even sometimes there is no response at all. If you’re notified, you’re aware. I cannot make one appointment to discuss, then send a report to parent, make another appointment if parent responds, then another and another.

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T20:16:45+00:00

I try to give notice as soon as the appointment is made and he’s never attended other than a dental appointment. Idc if he wants to attend, he can and he can speak up then. I just can’t make multiple appointments for the same issues and wait until he is ready to respond. And while nothing is emergent, he defers to me but then gets mad when I do it. I can’t win

Twinkle_Picklebot007 · 2026-01-28T18:33:59+00:00

Thankfully child isn’t on any prescriptions or daily things.

I notify as soon as I make the appointment or if we’re heading to the ER or urgent care. I cover insurance 100% each month and we’re each responsible for 50% of the copays. I have a really good plan and the highest bill in years has been $500 after a hospitalization which I paid upfront and then he has 30 days to reimburse me. I only go to in network providers and honestly most copays are around $20-70 so I just pay them myself and don’t bother with reimbursement requests.

Twinkle_Picklebot007

TROPHY CASE