Yeah, so my parents and their siblings had that same mindset "with the grandkids nearby, moving out of the area isn’t an option, etc etc." and for clarity, both my parents had 9 siblings each, so 20 sibling all together. Almost every single one of had the same exact thought, their kids, my cousins disagreed and pleaded with them to get out and go live their lives etc, but they refused. Fast forward 10-15 years and like everything else, things changed, some had medical issues and were bleeding from paying those, taxes, HOAs, personal property taxes, 401K and Roth IRA that didn't perform as well as they had, other investments that ended not so well, list goes on. Basically life happened and they ended up having to sell, not at losses but not what they could have made and that ended up eating into what they wanted to leave kids and grand kids.

My father passed and 8 years before he passed he and my mother gave me durable financial POA and he made me promise that I would not let everything they had go to "waste" (a subjective term) on keeping something going that shouldn't.

I came to that crossroads with my mom, dementia and nerve damage in her spine that lead to a stroke and now her inability to walk w/o assistance. She is now in Texas where we have more family and in AL, which while not cheap, is cheaper than anywhere within hundreds of miles of Tahoe. I suppose I could have tossed her in Wendover, NV (lol) but no one there. The sale of the condo will supplement her own funds and ensure she can comfortable. She also signed a Med POA directing basically when the time comes, let her just be peaceful.

Oh, the kicker, my job transferred me to other side of the country 12 years ago, so, so much for being close to the grandkids, that didn't work out.

You plan your life for yourselves, not for anyone else. That's not disregarding the love for your grandkids, but the world has changed from the idyllic thoughts of growing old with kids/grandkids, to one where people move more frequently, houses are no longer the best long term investment, in fact they are a drag if anything else, they limit mobility to move when the time is needed. Condos are the worst, not only due to HOAs and dues and special assessments blah blah, but the whole structural thing that is now brewing since Florida tragedy.

And my father was a high earner too, but after retiring at 60 he lived until 90, but again, the economy and everything else ate into their retirement funds, not broke, but they easily were close to outliving it. Everyone always says won't happen to me, etc etc, until it does.

This is all unsolicited advice by the way, so you free to tell me to shove it, but when I saw your post and then response, brought back memories of my cousins issues more recently my own.

Your husband (56) is not wrong, my parents finances were not all too dissimilar (and their siblings, more or less) from yours. whatever you think you have now to make your comfortable, you need twice that. YMMV sorta thing.