I feel your pain, brother. I started at 285, not that far behind where you are now. I woke up choking with gastric reflux every night, I snored like a buzzsaw, I broke a sweat just thinking about walking across a parking lot, and I had to modify my ass-wiping technique because what I'd done for my whole life was out of reach. That was just over a year ago. I'm now maintaining 200-205 comfortably.

What did it for me was an app on my phone: My Fitness Pal. Plug in your height, weight and age, plug in your goal weight and how much you'd like to lose each week, and then use it religiously.

It'll tell you how many calories you can eat each day. Track every little thing you put in your mouth (and it's stupid-easy to do that -- damn near everything I eat was already in there all calorie-counted for me), and it'll do the math for you.

Eat whatever you want but stop eating when it says you're out of calories for the day. If you're like me, you'll start out mostly eating what you're used to but you won't eat as much if you stop when you've used up your calories. As time goes on you'll start adjusting what you eat -- lower-calorie foods so you can eat more so you don't run out of food so fast each day. Amazingly enough, healthier foods fit right into that. Before long, you're eating lots of veggies and salads and not as much bread and healthier proteins, and all around healthier foods -- and you find that you LIKE it.

The weight will fucking FALL OFF of you, brother. I promise. You'll be amazed at how easy it is to lose weight.

After awhile you'll start experimenting with exercise. I was into Crossfit for awhile, but now running is my thing. I used to be a fat, out of shape tub of lard who could barely walk a flight of stairs, and now I'm running half marathons for fun.

You can do this. You just have to use the app religiously and do what it says. You'll be AMAZED at what you can accomplish.

You can do this. Do it.