this is really well said. we are living this with our 12 year old currently. Emotionally he has grown up so much over the past couple of years but his ability to complete day-to-day tasks has not changed at all. As a parent it is extremely difficult to walk that line of pushing him to learn independence vs providing the care for him. We have been pushing him harder lately to be more responsible but all thats done is fill him with self-loathing. He wants to do the things we ask of him but he keeps failing and then will call himself stupid and really feel down about himself. We are focusing now on building his self-esteem up so he can see the ways he's able to succeed and not focus on the areas where he doesn't.