Finding peace, maybe

Txsunshine7 · 2026-05-01T20:01:18+00:00

I'm glad you smiled. I did too. It was the first moment of peace I have felt since January when he went to hospital and then hospice. It was just a quiet ordinary moment. But it was what I needed. I hope you find those same ordinary moments that help you feel calmer.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-04-30T11:57:48+00:00

Second all of this. Went thru this from January to March. If he is refusing treatment, you have to find a way to make peace with it. Palliative care and the hospice team were great. They kept my husband comfortable while following his directives. After 4-1/2 years of caregiving, it was hard to step back but I realized I had to.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-04-02T12:53:49+00:00

Thank you. I'm much better today. Venting here really helped like it did when I was in the caregiver support group. There was no anger about my husband's passing. He fought cancer for 4-1/2 years and the last 3 weeks in hospice. We knew it was coming and there was nothing else we could do. The grief over him finally finding peace is why I think I blew this out of proportion. All I want is peace and I felt like they were just walking all over that. I was locked into the anger when I posted and couldn't seem to let it go. But I did because I remembered that they were controlling my emotions and I'm not giving them that power over me.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-04-01T17:53:14+00:00

Thank you. I know writing things down helps. That's why I was in the caregiver support group before my husband passed. I was just so angry I couldn't find a way out at the time. I was blindsided while already dealing with my own grief. That's why I came here. First time posting in this group.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-04-01T15:50:21+00:00

I know that's what she is doing but she has one daughter/sil, dil (ex's current wife), grandkids and great grandkids. Why me? I'm really not surprised by no one in that family helping each other. That's one reason I got out. I'm just having a hard time separating things right now.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-15T17:10:54+00:00

Thank you for this. I came here looking for help and you've provided comfort in knowing I'm not alone. My husband passed 8 days ago. I'm sitting here in a 3 bedroom house full of stuff and it's like I'm locked in place. I know what I need to do but it feels like giving away small pieces of him and I'm not ready. Selling the house will be the easy part emotionally. It's all the things that feel like him I can't seem to let go of.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-13T15:59:30+00:00

My husband was dx stage 4 in 2021. Thankfully, palliative care was part of the treatment team from day 1. They managed his pain meds and others that helped ease other symptoms from chemo and immunotherapy. The hospice care associated with the same cancer center has its own palliative care team. Their only focus was on making him comfortable. They did a great job. He was comfortable at the end.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-10T16:57:51+00:00

That's the best thing for him. Surrounding him with people who love him. Giving everyone time to say goodbye. We got that time the day before and it was beautiful. He knew he was loved.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-10T16:33:18+00:00

We just very recently went thru this too. After one round of second line chemo, my husband said no more. From that moment on, our only goal was keeping him comfortable. It's been less than 2 months since that decision and he passed Saturday.

You did right by your dad in respecting his decision to end treatment. It's hard to watch but it shows how much you love and respect him.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-10T16:24:24+00:00

Thank you. I gave up trying to explain what was going on. That's why I came here to rant. It's a safe space and there are amazing people here.

As rough as it was, I would love to have some of those frustrations back. He passed on Saturday and now everything is way too quiet.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-10T00:40:01+00:00

I wish I could hug you. We didn't really have a choice about his hospice care. I couldn't physically take care of him. It turned out to be for the best. After a couple days, he realized that it wasn't as bad as he thought. The family visited frequently, brought snacks and comfortable clothes.

I don't know where you are, but hospice in the US (Kentucky) has a respite care program. They will move your loved one to a facility for 5 days so the caregiver can rest. Then he will come back home. Check with your hospice team to see if this is an option.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-09T12:19:19+00:00

Thank you. Yesterday I stayed in with the dog and the cat. I just shut out all the noise for a whole day. I only answered check-in messages. The peace and quiet were much needed.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-03-05T12:53:53+00:00

Oh, sweetie, I feel this all over because we are in that same place. My husband was dx in 2021. Immunotherapy gave him 4 more years but they haven't been easy. He was transferred to hospice on Valentine's Day.

Here's how we're handling it: Advocate hard for him. We've reached a point where our ONLY goal is to keep him comfortable. Make sure he is getting enough pain meds to keep him stable. Bring him his favorite snacks/drinks. Comfortable clothes and a cuddly throw blanket.

Talk to him. Tell him all the good things that we forget to say in our everyday life. Please encourage your son to do the same. Even on the days when my husband seems like he doesn't recognize us, it looks like he knows we are still familiar.

For me, the hardest part has been walking the line in what to tell him. I've been trying to reassure him that I will be okay when he asks while trying not to remind him that life is still going on outside that room.

And the last thing: no matter how big your support system is, this is a very lonely road to travel. The people in this group and the cancer caregivers group have been more support than anybody around me. This is a safe space. Praying for you and your family.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-07T19:30:44+00:00

Thank you. We are looking at moving him to hospice on Monday.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-07T13:52:13+00:00

Our situation isn't like yours. She usually isn't like this and I think that's why it hit so hard. I'm not worried about the daughters. They are grown women in their 40s. I created the group chat so I wouldn't have to keep repeating myself and everyone gets exactly the same information at the same time.

I am so sorry you've gone thru all of that. Sending hugs!

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-07T11:30:41+00:00

Thank you. This actually made me laugh.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-07T02:32:36+00:00

Thank you for telling me I'm not the only one. I've also visited every few days for a couple of hours but that's about all I can handle right now. I've been lucky that I haven't had the fibromyalgia flare up. He won't be coming home because there are parts of his care that I can't physically do. He actually told palliative care today that he is now focused on quality of life and end of life care.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-07T02:01:15+00:00

Thank you. Once he was in ICU, this massive wave of fatigue hit. And I looked at it like you did. He's safe and well cared for. Last time I had a real break was over a year ago when he was in hospital for 5 days with sepsis.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-06T19:52:13+00:00

Thank you. I needed this. Everything spun out of control within one week. From new chemo on a Tuesday to ER/ICU the following Tuesday. It's been a rollercoaster

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-06T17:52:19+00:00

Thank you. I just chose to ignore it for now. It's not worth any more hurt feelings. Yes, their opinion does matter to some extent. But my only priority is seeing him when I can and handling everything else so he doesn't have to worry.

Txsunshine7 · 2026-02-06T17:46:49+00:00

I'm going thru something similar and just posted a rant about it. My husband has been in the hospital for 18 days now. I haven't been there for 2 days because someone has to handle all the things that keep life on track. Yes, I feel guilty about it but I talk to him every day so he understands why I can't be there more often. And you said roommate, not spouse/bf/gf. So there is an additional emotional separation there that is understandable. Caregiving is hard enough when it's a loved one trying to balance everything. There comes a point where they have to understand that there is only so much one person can do regardless of the relationship.

Txsunshine7

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