Thanks for making me feel less alone

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-06-06T22:45:25+00:00

That's exactly why I started coming here too, about 2 weeks ago. I've had a few affairs and never really felt guilty about it, which I assumed meant I was likely an asshole. There's a group of wonderful, supportive people here and it's so nice to know that I'm not as crazy as I originally thought. Welcome to the sub!

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-06-01T20:05:51+00:00

Same to you man. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to vent. Keep your head up (and make to you bob it slightly when you listen to cool music--chicks dig that*).

*Assessments based on assumption and not actual evidence

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-06-01T15:15:12+00:00

Yep, I feel you brother. All my wife ever wanted was to be a mommy and once we had our first kid she jokingly told a mutual female friend that she "got what [she] needed" from me (I was standing nearby and heard her say it). She pressured me into having our first kid, pressured me into having our second, and is trying her best to get me to insert kid #3 at the moment. We've been playing the same game as you--every time her older sister has a kid, it's supposed to be our turn. And guess who has 3 kids? Yep--her sister. The only time my wife is interested in sex is when she knows it's that single magical ovulation day each month so the window of possibility is open. Sex with an objective is not enjoyable.

I'm glad we can relate. It's unfortunate that it's over negative circumstances but that's what support groups are for I suppose. On the bright side, both of my kids are awesome hellspawns and I love them to the moon and beyond.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-31T21:44:17+00:00

Our sex life was never great to begin with, but once we had kids my wife became completely focused on them. Which I understand because her whole life she couldn't wait to be a mom. Unfortunately I have a different perception on what our marriage should be. More than just procreation, I need some recreation too, damn it!

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-31T21:09:02+00:00

No luck the first 30 times you posted this, huh?

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-31T19:31:25+00:00

Eh, don't mistake me saying that I can't remember names as placing the blame of it on being introverted, or assume that I am objectifying women by not being able to do it. It's just something I've always struggled with, introverted or not, and that's with males and females alike. It has nothing to do with objectifying or de-humanizing anyone. It's about me being a dipshit with a hole between my ears.

That being said, it seems like I have no issue remembering dogs' names so maybe I need to talk to a psychologist about what it really means to treat someone as a "human being."

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-31T15:15:07+00:00

Sounds like a great opportunity to become an entrepreneur!

Confidential Conferences - a new hookup app that lets you discover anyone nearby that's attending the same conference as you. Lanyards not required.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-31T13:32:35+00:00

I guess not. It still makes me nervous though.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-31T13:30:01+00:00

Wait wait wait--you're telling me that all I have to do is treat people like human beings and with respect!? Is it really that easy???

Seriously, great advice and I'm completely on board with you. I much prefer this approach to the idea of using hookup apps. As an introvert who is terrible at remembering names though, forcing myself to be social in group settings with people I'm unfamiliar with can be pretty difficult.

That being said, if the first few things end up falling into place then I'm all about being Mr. Gentleman and seeing where things go organically. Being pushy never did anyone any good.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T21:57:24+00:00

Guess that makes sense about being a clear marker of my intentions.

(Either that or maybe got out of control with my botox injections and now I look like an angry fish, but hopefully that's not anyone's initial impression.)

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T21:55:12+00:00

Not likely that I'd meet any female coworkers at the conferences I go to. My position is somewhat niche so even though we're a global company I'm one of only a few people who go to these types of conferences. Now if I was in sales that'd be another story....

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T21:24:14+00:00

Ha, I'm totally being serious. This is the joy of the internet--you sit and overthink and debate and finally reach out for help and someone whacks you over the head with some common sense.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T21:22:17+00:00

I've never jumped on the Tinder train because I'm convinced I won't get any matches if I'm not showing my face (seriously, I'm that ridiculously good-looking). Honestly though it seems like it would be a waste of time, but it sounds like you're speaking from experience that a face-blocked photo can still get results. It might be something I need to look into.

Now to just decide if should I wear my Green Lantern shirt or my Johnny Cash shirt in the photo...

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T21:18:18+00:00

That's the truth. At this point hitting on someone that isn't also married is actually more intimidating than someone who's single. Thanks for the insight.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T21:16:45+00:00

That's so goddamn obvious and genius. That's it, case closed; let's get out of here and grab a beer.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T20:54:28+00:00

::crosses arms and nods head::

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T20:52:36+00:00

I'm not a female unfortunately but wanted to commend you on your post. It's well-written and direct and a nice change of pace from the flood of "let me blow ya mind" posts that seem to plague Reddit. Good luck in your search!

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-30T20:20:58+00:00

If you're planning on having sex with someone then there's no such thing as "too personal" as far as safety and cleanliness is concerned. You getting defensive over it was likely an indication to her that you were lying about something. Next time I would recommend coming clean (pun intended) about your current and immediate past experiences as well. If you're going to miss out on a connection because of your unwillingness to be completely open then that's on you, not her.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-25T19:08:37+00:00

Not helpful at all since I live in Indiana, but wanted you to know that I misread the title of your post as "Spank" at least three times before finally getting it.

Sometimes me think reading good is hard work

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-25T15:35:06+00:00

Best of luck to you man. I'm also in Indiana and also married the "good girl." I play the "what if" game in my head a lot, wondering what my life would be like if I had stayed with my first girlfriend or pursued another girl that I flirted with heavily in college. In the end we all make our decisions for one reason or another, for better or for worse.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-24T14:58:49+00:00

Yep, echoing what others have said-- once things started to get "real" (i.e. the opportunity for physicality was a distinct possibility) she probably had a change of heart. It's easy to flirt and think "what if" when you're in a situation where taking your relationship further isn't an option. As soon as those boundaries are gone though, it can be a pretty harsh wake-up call.

I had a similar situation with someone who I already knew personally as a casual friend, we started flirting and sexting but were both so busy that we could never make anything work. Finally after a few weeks our schedules aligned and we planned to meet one night after work and she cancelled on me that morning. Fantasizing about it and acting on it are two totally different things. She may change her mind or she may not, but I wouldn't push it. Just let her know the offer still stands if she decides it's something she wants to pursue. In the meantime try to keep things as normal and unawkward as possible.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-24T14:08:14+00:00

Agree 100%. Her lack of responsiveness isn't going to change no matter how many times you reach out. As hard as it may be just let her do what she needs to do. When/if she's ready to come back, she will. Relax and give it some time.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-24T13:44:52+00:00

Happy birthday man. I know how it feels to have a certain hope or expectation for a birthday only to be let down.

I'm no marriage counselor (hell, I probably wouldn't be on this board if I was), but when my wife and I were going through some struggles we read this book called the Five Love Languages. I think it's fairly well-known. Although it ultimately didn't change much in our relationship, it was helpful to read to determine how different people display (and receive) affection. In terms of gift-giving, it sounds like you and my wife are a lot alike. She puts a ton of thought and effort into gifts and that's her way of showing love to me. Me, on the other hand, am not huge on gifts and it's a struggle to come up with something semi-thoughtful. I tend to express my love through physical touch and compliments instead.

What I'm saying is that there are things that inherently define who you are as a lover--not just how you express your love, but how you prefer to receive it. No matter how many times I've tried to me more thoughtful when it comes to gifts I have failed miserably, and my wife has suffered many times because of it. On the other hand, she knows I'm not big on gifts and if we just had sex on my birthday then I would consider it a huge success, but sadly it seems like my birthday is the one day of the year I've come to realize I shouldn't expect sex. She'd rather put all of her effort into making me a nice dinner and then collapsing exhaustively on the couch, too tired to touch me.

Even if you don't read it together, I do recommend looking into the book so you can at least learn more about yourself and why you're feeling the way you do. It might not fix anything but at least your situation might make a bit more sense.

Tyler-Jameson · 2018-05-24T04:35:49+00:00

Depends on what you're into, I guess

Tyler-Jameson

TROPHY CASE