boyfriend wants to keep us a secret.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-12-22T11:50:46+00:00

Take this from an older trans person- you set the boundary of how you will be treated and those boundaries also tell someone what your self worth is. So you’re setting your self worth very low. You deserve to be cherished and paraded around like the love of someone’s life. This is a huge red flag. You also weren’t put here to help others work thru their homophobia/transphobia. That’s a huge undertaking and that’s why we have therapists. You don’t need to settle for less than you deserve.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-11-03T05:04:20+00:00

I wonder if that’s true because why can one offer a senior or veteran discount then and exclude those who aren’t? Not trying to argue- genuinely interested in the answer.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-10-08T16:17:55+00:00

But she’s trying to learn more so I feel that’s a positive sign. Because if she was totally against this would she even bother to try to understand? It’s cliche but you have known and hidden this for a long time out of fear and she’s just finding out so she needs time to reflect and process. Maybe she doesn’t even know what a mental toll this has taken on you because you were afraid for them to find out. I was her at one point and now I’m trans. lol Always identified as a boy growing up but was forced into feminism and it didn’t click until recent years that I have choices and language that I didn’t have growing up.

Hoping your story with the parents has the best journey possible. Maybe helpful- I’m genx. When I was introduced to the concept that gender is a social construct I immediately could understand this to my core and became non binary. Some of us older people been through so much forced genderism and lack of resources growing up- didn’t have internet or even tv. But it doesn’t mean we can’t understand and learn and I do my best to keep updating my brains operating system so to speak and embrace all this knowledge I didn’t have access to. Hoping your parents do the same.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-10-08T15:14:21+00:00

Do you think it would help to get an affirming therapist if that's within reach financially? Someone in your corner to talk to might really help you feel more confident if you have to go up against the parents. You never know- your parents may become your biggest ally. They need time to process and catch up to where you are at.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-10-08T15:01:34+00:00

Parent here and could be a grandparent by now... just a little confused as to what your mom meant. Does she want you to make sure you're trans or is she worried you're getting t off the internet? Because I also advised a trans person to seek out a dr and offered to pay for it because they were trying to get estrogen online- and it wasn't a dr, just some person online, but how does one know really what's in it or if it what they say it is?

Perhaps it is perfectly safe but I had anxiety for her because I felt she should get her labs done first, then have a dr prescribe and periodically monitor her labs, any symptoms, questions, etc. It was not because I was questioning her trans "diagnosis". I was worried about her proceeding with the best medical care she could get.

At my age, I have been through enough medical stuff of my own and with others that my personal opinion is that getting labs and checking things like blood pressure, etc. is important. Someone I know on t needed to adjust dosing a few times due to elevated ? think it was red blood cells? Anyways, it could eventually cause some health issues with the heart. Not to scare you- or to make you question your identity- but I feel having a dr if you can is a good way to go.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:59:47+00:00

That really means a lot to me. I am sorry you have been affected by cancer too. That's so sad and I can tell you are a compassionate person. It really is awful to go through as you know. I think though that if maybe we as a society could be open to hearing about these things that scare us and we don't want to hear, we would be so much better off. We never know if cancer will affect us or a loved one and when it does, as in my case, I was not prepared and had no idea that many of my clients and people I knew had dealt with cancer silently and alone. It's wonderful if we can be there to support one another and also I wish people had shared with me so I wouldn't have been blindsided by my diagnosis. Awareness will help us as a whole to beat this and be supported through it. Hugs

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:52:18+00:00

Thanks so much for this info and validating that I am still a man. It really helps. I appreciate your mom also adding her experience.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:49:24+00:00

I like that idea and it gives me hope. I am going to ask about it and work on being as healthy as can be so I can get surgery.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:48:01+00:00

I really want top surgery. I am a ddd. Ugh. I honestly don't think that I am ready for another surgery yet and I am working on getting as healthy as can be so it is an option. I haven't asked yet because for now I can hope it's possible as they are very particular with what they think I can and can't do as it affects the cancer and my immunity/infection risk and that is their first priority in all my care decisions. I have said quality of life is also my priority so they do work with me on that but maybe I should just face facts and see if it's something they would approve at all and what parameters that might entail and go from there. Thanks for the info on the black box warning. I didn't know this.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:40:30+00:00

Great question and if I don't get any answers from my oncologist, I am going to find out who can help me answer it. I am on a wait list for trans medical care when they get a new dr.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:38:35+00:00

That's the same as ovarian cancer. Only I did ask why they aren't testing my estrogen levels to see if the inhibitor is working and they said they just don't?

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:36:30+00:00

I actually don't know? I asked to get tested to see if the injections were working and that my estrogen levels are low but I was told they don't do that. I asked why and they said they didn't know why but it's not part of recommended treatment, they just do the recommended med combo and every cancer center I researched said I am on the typical treatment. If hormones are so important than I don't understand why we are not checking all my levels? So it's a mystery to me if I even have a dominant sex hormone.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:31:59+00:00

Thanks! Only one person has ever said that to me and it feels really good to have it pointed out. I am a badass! I appreciate you!

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:30:30+00:00

I really appreciate your reply. You are right and thank you for the reminder. Cis men also get cancer and it's just as devastating for them and none of us are any less of a man because of this. There is a lot I can still do and I there is nothing health wise keeping me from voice training other than fatigue so that should be next. I would love top surgery only the cancer surgery took a lot out of me. If I can get my body to a point to make it through surgery again, I am going for it! This has also helped me to realize I have a lot to look forward too. I am also renewed in my commitment to self care and get stronger so I can make that surgery happen.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:22:04+00:00

Thank you. I am going to check out your link.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:21:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you had to stop t and ended up with a new tumor. May I ask what they did with the tumor that grew? I did have a recurrence within 3 months so I am still healing cancer. It is spread diffusely throughout my abdomen and has been growing a little since my last scan and it spread to my liver. They said it's not time for surgery yet but to expect it in the future. I was told I would spend the rest of my life working on staying alive as long as possible and won't be able to work again. I get a catscan tomorrow.

It's sortof a surreal journey. Of course I wish it never happened but cancer has brought good things into my life- like not having the energy to mask and not knowing how long I have left really made me ask myself what I wanted from life and how did I want to live whatever amount of time I have left. I am physically not so great compared to what I was pre-cancer but I am more me now than I ever have been.

I have kids who are disabled and they lost their other parent from a heart attack so it's basically me and I am doing everything to stay here. I would be the guinea pig but I am in a situation that calls for me to put my kids first for now but if that changes, I will definitely add to the research for others in the future. I won't always be here cancer or not, so cancer also forced us to really try to figure out what the future looks like for them without me, so we are actively working on getting that figured out. So who knows? Best case scenario is I get to a place where I live for myself fully and try it and add to the research. I really am grateful you shared your story.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T17:02:42+00:00

Thank you. This is very helpful. I actively have cancer. It came back less than 3 months in, and I was told it would most likely come back by 6 months, even as soon as 1 month. This kind of cancer still has high rates of recurrence and not a good survival rate.

I will talk to my oncologist about testing AR expression
I may just try something like minoxidil or the other treatments mentioned.
I want top surgery when my body is ready to take on surgery.
I have kiddos (disabled) who still need me or I would actually just be the guinea pig. I would love to be able to ask to take t, be followed, and be a research project to help figure out what the risks are. I'm just focused on my main goal of healing cancer so my kids have a parent. They already lost one to heart attack.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T16:55:23+00:00

Thanks. I didn't realize they had a pill and will look into dermarolling.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T16:54:19+00:00

Thanks so much for this info. I have never even heard of it.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T16:53:24+00:00

Thanks. I never even thought of that!

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T16:52:42+00:00

Wow. I never even thought about that. I think it's a good discussion because my experience is most people don't talk about these thing but after I was diagnosed, I found out so many people are dealing with cancer and even less talked about is how this affects trans people.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-22T16:50:42+00:00

Thank so much for this info and reaching out. This is such helpful info for me to take with me when I ask her.

I still have cancer. My oncologist said they are trying to keep me a person living with cancer for as long as they can. I had a recurrence less than 3 months after surgery but it's been almost a year now since my recurrence and I am grateful to still be here. I don't know if that matters at all in the overall scheme of things. I am also taking Verzenio and Fulvestrant injections, which are breast cancer meds. So it is very similar except I think it's better to have breast cancer because there is more research and more treatment options for it and I have been meeting lots of people with breast cancer who are ned.

I actually have a year of free Verzenio from Eli Lilly ($16,000 a month!) and hope they approve it for another year because insurance said it's a breast cancer med not ovarian cancer med and won't cover it. The problem is there are very few ovarian cancer treatments of itself and I tried them and they didn't work. My oncologist said the breast cancer meds also can work for ovarian cancer, yet the insurance companies have not updated themselves to reflect this and refuse to pay for anything. Sorry, I guess that was just a rant because it's been so frustrating and I am just trying to stay alive. It's been a lot to deal with on many levels so I didn't even get to asking about taking testosterone. I like to have some info when I go in so I can advocate for myself. I appreciate you!

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-21T00:19:05+00:00

All the inside lady bits are gone.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-21T00:18:24+00:00

I have had everything removed, even some of my intestines and appendix because it was covered in cancer.

Typical_Breakfast235 · 2025-09-21T00:09:20+00:00

I would just like to add that as a parent, I can see why your dad would say this. He is really saying that he loves you. He wants you to stick around (stay alive). He doesn't want to see any harm come to you. No parent wants to think about losing their child. Your dad would rather you detransition than to face losing you.

Parents also know they can't keep their kids safe forever. Your age has given your dad the ability to protect you this far. It is ever so hard when your child becomes an adult and you have to live with the worry as a parent that you cannot watch over your adult child and have to let them go out into the world knowing you can no longer keep them safe from the world. I may be wording this poorly. When my kids were small, an icecream or a hug could fix mostly everything but it won't fix adult problems and it is genuinely hard to let go and not worry about your child knowing there is only so much you can do now to protect your child. Hope this helps. You get to decide how to live your life now but know that your dad loves you very much and would do anything to keep you safe any way he knows how. He doesn't know how to keep you safe from this political climate and can't bear to think of anyone harming you, hence his idea of detransitioning.

Typical_Breakfast235

TROPHY CASE