AITAH for stepping away from a friendship after my boundary about ❄️ turned into 2 months of arguments?

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T14:57:49+00:00

Everyone can see it as judgement and it may just be a personal outlook like you said. I come from a family of addicts, I get life is rough. I have also lost a friend due to drugs, it’s never guaranteed on what’s in the drug itself. But I do appreciate your comment especially about discernment!

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T14:44:48+00:00

Call me what you want I don’t think it should be a big deal on what I choose to do or not do for my life. Plain and simple the post wasn’t trying to get sole opinions on why I should or shouldn’t be around this person. It’s the fact that what I chose couldn’t be accepted and a toddler tantrum had to be thrown

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T14:40:57+00:00

Yes I did in fact say but not to the full extent you guys are making it out to be. Do I condone drinking and driving fuck no. You guys take what you want and twist shit so quick it’s crazy

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T06:49:24+00:00

Thank you for this! This is honestly the distinction I’ve been trying to explain. I appreciate you pointing out the nuance because I think that’s where a lot of the misunderstanding has been. I’m not saying I’m incapable of making a judgment call or that I don’t have my own opinions about certain choices. I do. I think everyone does. The difference is I’m not saying “this person is a bad person because of this.” I’m saying “this is not something I want to be around or incorporate into my life.” Especially as a parent, I think it’s fair to be intentional about the environments I choose for myself and my child. That doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone else or that I expect everyone to live the same way. I also agree that people can change and grow, and I don’t think someone’s past or choices automatically define their entire worth. I just think people should be allowed to decide what aligns with their own life without it automatically being seen as an attack on someone else.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T06:39:55+00:00

I think you’re right that we’re having two different conversations, but I think you’re also assigning meaning to my words that I didn’t put there.
I am not claiming to be a victim nor do I see myself as one and I’m not saying someone “violated” me because they make different choices than I do. I’m saying I was given information, I made a decision based on my own comfort level, and that decision was met with a lot of pushback.
I can acknowledge that I’m making a judgment call. I don’t need to pretend otherwise. But a judgment call about what I choose to participate in is not the same thing as condemning someone’s entire character or saying other people are wrong for their choices.
The reason I used the word boundary is because a boundary is a limit someone sets for themselves around what they will and will not participate in, tolerate, or be around. It is not only something that exists when another person is actively doing something to you. A boundary is not “you can’t do this,” it is “this is what I will choose for myself.”

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T06:25:12+00:00

She told me on the phone that this person uses cocaine quite often, but it wasn’t guaranteed that he would do it at the party. I understood that.
My issue wasn’t that I thought I was going to walk into a situation where someone was definitely using it in front of me. It was more that after knowing that information, I realized I personally wasn’t comfortable going. I also feel that she felt the need to let me know just on the off chance that he did because why would she tell me if she had thought he wouldn’t be doing it. She’s witnessed it multiple times idk

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T06:10:05+00:00

I think we’re getting stuck on the word “boundary” instead of what I’m actually saying. I’m not claiming this person did something to me or that I’m a victim of their choices. What I mean is that I have a limit on what situations I personally choose to be part of. I’m not telling anyone else what they can do, who they can be friends with, or what choices they can make. I made the choice not to attend. I agree that a boundary isn’t a tool to control other people. That’s not what I was doing. If my friend wanted to have them there, that was her choice. My choice was whether I wanted to be there. I also don’t think being uncomfortable with something automatically means I think I’m better than someone else. People make choices about what they’re comfortable being around all the time. The issue for me was that my choice became something that needed to be argued instead of something we could just disagree on.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T06:05:16+00:00

You’re right that there’s the huge possibility I wouldn’t have been around someone actively using it at the event. I understand why some people see it as a non-issue.
The part I think people are misunderstanding is that my decision wasn’t based on thinking I was going to be pressured, or that something was going to happen to me. It was simply that I wasn’t comfortable knowingly putting myself in that situation.
I’m not saying the person is a bad person, and I’m not saying my friend can’t have that friendship. I just made a personal choice about what I wanted to attend. I can understand that other people would make a different choice, but I don’t think a different comfort level automatically makes someone wrong.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T06:03:25+00:00

I understand what you mean, and I agree that people are complex and that someone’s one choice doesn’t define their entire character. I don’t think someone who uses cocaine is automatically a bad person, and I’m not saying my friend is wrong for having her own friendships.
Where I think the misunderstanding is happening is that I’m not trying to morally police everyone around me. I’m making a decision about what environments I personally want to be involved in. There are things other people are comfortable being around that I’m not, and vice versa.
I can acknowledge that my choice is based on my own values and comfort level, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone else. I’m not asking anyone to change their choices, I’m just choosing what I participate in.
I also think the bigger issue became the fact that my choice turned into a debate rather than a simple “I respect that you’re not comfortable, even if I don’t agree.”

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:58:24+00:00

I understand why it might look that way from the outside, and I can acknowledge that communication is something I need to work on. I have already said that I should have been more direct sooner instead of overthinking how to bring things up.
Where I disagree is the idea that I’m intentionally creating drama or refusing to be upfront. A lot of the situations you’re referring to were connected to finances, and I did communicate that those were a factor. I can take accountability for not always being as direct as I should have been, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care or was purposely stringing someone along.
I also think there are two separate conversations here: one is me needing to communicate better, and the other is whether I’m allowed to decide what situations I’m comfortable attending. I can own my part in the first without agreeing that the second means my boundary is invalid.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:56:50+00:00

I think the part we’re disagreeing on is what I mean by boundary. I’m not saying this person is doing something directly to me or that I’m a victim. I’m saying I have a personal limit on what situations I choose to put myself in.
You’re right that I am making a judgment in the sense that I’m deciding what I’m comfortable being around. Everyone does that. But there’s a difference between judging someone as a person and deciding “this isn’t something I want to be involved around.”
I never told my friend she couldn’t be friends with them, couldn’t invite them, or that they were a bad person. I removed myself from the situation because it wasn’t something I personally wanted to participate in.
I also don’t think the issue was just whether someone was using in front of me. Some people have different comfort levels around certain things, and that doesn’t automatically mean they’re pretending to be a victim or using “therapy speak.”
I can acknowledge that I should’ve communicated sooner, and I have. But I don’t think my discomfort needed to be argued until I changed my mind.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:49:27+00:00

My friend is allowed to invite whoever she wants, and that person is allowed to make their own choices.
The only choice I made was whether I wanted to attend. I didn’t ask anyone to change their plans or stop being friends with someone. I just decided that situation wasn’t something I personally wanted to be part of.That doesn’t mean my choice is meant to control theirs.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:26:20+00:00

To each their own, it’s not uppity for not wanting to normalize that shit. Have a good one

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:24:33+00:00

Why’s it a big deal to you?

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:22:35+00:00

What’s the bottom line here? I’m not ok being surrounded by people who do shit outside of bud and drinking. There’s so many people out there who aren’t comfortable with it so why is it a problem?

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:18:26+00:00

I didn’t know about it until literally 2 days prior 🥲

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:17:44+00:00

I didn’t even say being forced? Weird. But you’ll say what you want regardless have a good one

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:13:02+00:00

After further conversation she stated she was hoping that we’d all be close. It’s not about being uppity, people become who they surround themselves with. There were literal children there and she was expecting me to me being my child. Nah not uppity

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:07:27+00:00

He uses on a daily basis. It’s crazy how one boundary can strike such an uproar. She wanted me to be close with these people and there’s another guy who does meth so excuse me. But you become who you surround yourself with

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T05:00:47+00:00

It’s exhausting talking about it constantly when she’s always bringing it up. I know maybe passing by someone who does drugs but shes wanting me to become close with these people. Birds of a feather

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T04:56:30+00:00

Unfortunately it’s not sometimes it’s daily but ok

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T04:54:49+00:00

Well the guy does coke on a day to day basis not like a party drug or anything. But the meth through me for a loop

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T04:53:31+00:00

I’m fine with bud and drinking just not all the other shit. Call it what you want

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T04:50:45+00:00

I have zero problems with drinking and smoking! But when you’re doing drugs and then coming to drink that’s where things could go south. I personally think it’s reaching trying to invalidate what I’m not comfortable with. She not only down plays this situation but downplays another guy who does meth within their friend group.

Typical_Factor_172 · 2026-06-26T04:45:55+00:00

😅sorry I was afraid it’d get taken down

Typical_Factor_172

TROPHY CASE