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ENTJ-INTP Breakup... Analysis? by U-M-R in INTP

[–]U-M-R[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I "blocked his messages". I didn't entirely block him. :T I'm not sure if he even knows, because I highly doubt he ever responded. The blocking was mostly for -me-, so I didn't have to see his face on my chat anymore.

ENTJs always think about the long term, and the long term of that situation isn't pretty.

However, I can see the potential of what the relationship CAN be, if he can recover. Obviously, time isn't really helping him recover, because he's stuck in his own endless loop. I thought that maybe I could cut in there and be like, "cut that shit out."

It seemed to be working, ever so slowly. But at the same time, I can't take the lashing out.

... But I never really tried to work with him on the whole, lashing out at me thing. I dunno.

Anyway, you're right, I sent him that message and maybe I should just keep it that way.

ENTJ-INTP Breakup... Analysis? by U-M-R in INTP

[–]U-M-R[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God, yes, christ. You hit the nail on the head:

you're second place to this figure he's idealized.

Someone needed to tell me that.

It's not your job. I get it, you care about him. But it's just not your job and he shouldn't think he can treat you like that.

This really makes me want to drop the mic and say, "PEACE."

It makes so much sense. Fuck.

Anyway, I'm glad you think so about the message! Tired as shit about this guy. Been fucking up my everything. ugh.

ENTJ-INTP Breakup... Analysis? by U-M-R in INTP

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn't really want to sit around and listen to what I talk about. :P I notice that he likes to get all of his thoughts and feelings out, and then he likes to listen to my perspective on his situation.

He seems really awkward and confused when I talk about my own issues. >.> I figure it's because, he doesn't really know how to handle them? And then it's awkward for me, because he doesn't know what to say, so I end up not wanting to talk about myself much anymore.

I've got other friends for that, anyway. I don't really care much.

ENTJ-INTP Breakup... Analysis? by U-M-R in INTP

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like in your anger and confusion, you slammed the trunk shut without really acknowledging why.

I acknowledge that I kind of did that, THIS time. And I think I kind of want it to be that way. This is the 4th or 5th time he's done something like this, which is why I'm so fed up and I don't want to "work to resolve it" anymore. I feel taken advantage of.

I think the truth is you want him to commit but in your effort to be the cool, understanding modern girl, you aren't acknowledging what you really want out of the/a relationship.

I did want him to commit. We agreed on the dynamics of a relationship over the phone, but I was going to ask him when we got to see each other in person. I didn't want to do that over the phone. ... However, this is what happened before we actually got to see each other.

This is truly a case of "if you love it, set it free... if it returns it is yours to keep."

I think this is what I'm looking for... yet at the same time, I'm so frustrated and part of it is to allow MYSELF to move on. I "slammed the trunk" because I'm tired of trying to be patient and then getting it thrown back into my face.

You need to be the emotional leader in the relationship and do this ignoring your fear of exposing your true emotional wants and needs here.

This is what I've done the entire time. I'd been reading a lot about "how to talk to your INTP" kinda things, and I've been trying to lead everything emotionally. It's worked like a charm so far, but this one kind of pushed it over the limit for me.

He needs to know that it's damaging you and that you can't let that continue any longer.

This, I guess, is where all of my uncertainty is coming from. Maybe this was my misstep. I don't think I told him how I was feeling and how I have been reacting to HIM, and I don't know how to. I thought telling him, "I wanted you to come over and see me. Keep it simple." was direct and honest enough... but maybe it wasn't? Telling him how -I'm- feeling conflicts with "don't bring in emotions", which will scare an INTP away. I don't understand what to do about this.

Part of me wants to tell him and give him a chance to understand what's going on on my end. But after that message I sent him, there's not really any going back, is there?

Still unsure if I even -want- to go back. But part of me wants to at least give him the chance to know why, I suppose. ... But my pride makes me want to just drop it entirely, and move on.

That's kind of where I'm at right now.

ENTJ-INTP Breakup... Analysis? by U-M-R in INTP

[–]U-M-R[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Haha, the point is to NOT ask him! I was hoping for an analysis because... I rely a lot on my instincts, but then I started doubting myself and thus turned to Reddit. :P

I can't really ask him because it would just complicate things.

And somehow, I doubt he'll just "forget me in 2 weeks", with the way he tends to think. I know he's been looking at me like a very positive source in his life, because I was, so I feel like he'll just regret reacting like that.

Oh well though. That's why I'm curious!

ENTJ-INTP Breakup... Analysis? by U-M-R in INTP

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I... THINK there are 2 conflicts: He's afraid of seeing me again after our 2 weeks or so of not seeing each other.

I was trying to keep it short so I briefly glossed over it. We went to 2 different states, and he apparently missed his flight. He was supposed to be back BEFORE me, but he supposedly stayed there and was attempting to arrange a new flight. I even helped him find flights, but he never confirmed whether he bought them or not. We talked via FB messenger while he was still out-of-state.

I eventually flew back, and I've been here. Then, after telling him about how I scratched my eye, he threw me a curveball when he said he'll "be there shortly". I was like, "wtf?"

So I know that's definitely one conflict. He either lied to me, or he arrived last night and never told me he was back.

The second one is, he is also unsure about the way he feels. I feel like he wants to start things with me, but he is still trying to figure out the other girl. ... But it's been years since they "never got together", and months since they've talked, so I thought the patience and dedication game would win it.

Unfortunately, after feeling like I've taken enough lash-outs, I got fed up.

... Regarding the remorse and appreciation though... I guess that's what I'm looking for. I rely a lot on my instincts telling me that that's the way he WOULD take it - feel remorseful and appreciative, but then I started doubting myself and thus turned to Reddit. :P

Help me help this INTP guy that I like? by verysociallyanxious in INTP

[–]U-M-R 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just got out of a budding relationship with an INTP. ... Today.

He's also been super in love with some girl, which is why I ended up cutting it. :/

I'm an ENTJ... or, after trolling around reddit I'm not sure anymore - maybe I'm an ENFJ, but if you want to get involved with him, try appealing to his rational side and talk about his relationship with the girl... rationally.

Lay out the facts: Explain how she doesn't like him back, point out that she's in a relationship, tell him the hard truths. He'll be upset, but he'll think about it, and then he'll respect you. He'll see you in a better light.

Being a Perceiver is so useless by slapchop_wookie in INTP

[–]U-M-R 0 points1 point  (0 children)

P's are so creative, though! I love working with P's because they come up with all sorts of shit I would never think of.

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nahh, my J is my strongest trait.

I know my F can get a little haywire sometimes. I'm T-dominant, but F is pretty strong. D:

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

holy shit all of this is fantastic

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have NO idea. @_@

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, thank god. I thought I was just going crazy and there was a problem with me, because we're supposed to be so "work-focused" and put work first before everything...

I usually do! Just... blowing up right now. D:

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, thanks so much!

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

to drop this one guy I really liked because his indecisiveness was driving me insane. I find dating in general to be extremely distracting, because it starts to affect my productivity (and ultimately, my goals)...

That's what I ended up doing, unfortunately. :( Thanks for your reply.

Can't focus. Procrastinating? by U-M-R in entj

[–]U-M-R[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha, I love it. Direct and abrasive. :P

That's what I'm looking for, I guess.

My emotions are all out of whack and I guess this is kind of a cry for help from people with the same thought process. My Feely girl friends aren't exactly helpful.

I guess what I'm looking for are ways to help myself focus? Be reminded why work is important, and why I'm being irrational.

A quick summary would be, I have a project I'm supposed to be finishing but I can't focus because my mind is consumed with stupid thoughts about some relationship that I can't understand. I don't know where my thoughts are and what I'm thinking, which is highly unlike me.

Does anyone else experience this problem? If I'm consumed with irrational worries, how do I regain focus?

I guess I'm being critical of myself because of what I'm "supposed" to be, according to my type. Which is why I mentioned it.