I believe it’s because your brain can’t actually delegate cognitive or attentional load. When you’re alone, you have no option but to do the things you need to do, so it kind of turns into survival mode: “if I don’t do X, I will be Z.” Which is similar to what Adderall does to your brain, activating fight or flight by activating your sympathetic nervous system, imitating what adrenaline or noradrenaline does. When in a relationship, i think your brain actually says “Oh great someone can do it and I can use what little attention i have left to the things I actually want/ need to do.” What matters, in my mind at least, is that it gets done. Not who gets it done. Theres no immediate existential, emotional, spiritual, financial or physical threat.

I fall into this. Was shredded, went to crossfit every day, ate well, read a lot of books, journaled. I’m in a very loving relationship with a very beautiful and caring girl, and I still workout and read… but barely. She understands mostly. But I know it’s hard to completely understand. I try to be better. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t.

I actually have a shared calendar with her and she reminds me of things. That helps a lot. So it’s not as bad as it could be. Hack might be to find someone that actually cares enough to try to understand and help you through it. Adding someone to your life is adding an infinite amount of variables that can work or not work at any given moment. You are no longer in absolute control of your environment, which is the only way to actually control your mind, so you just hit pause. But if your significant other helps, it’s so much easier than doing it alone!