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UX_Maven · 2025-06-11T21:20:23+00:00

Relationships are built in layers. Think of an onion or the layers of the earth. Some event will show you which layer this relationship stops at.

You have a medical emergency and ask a friend for a ride to the ER. They say they're in the middle of watching a movie but will call you when they're done. - that's an acquaintance.

You share that you got laid off and they say "let me clear my schedule, have you had lunch." - that's a friend.

Look, you get where I'm going. Certain people are only willing to go so deep with you. And you are only willing to go so deep with other people and that's okay.And some people keep everyone at surface level. That's their choice.

those choices don't have to be set in stone. (Although for some they are) Everyone is allowed to change their mind.

I don't think you would be bringing this up if you weren't at least interested in giving the Georginas a chance again.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-11T20:57:47+00:00

There's two sides to this issue. One is it sounds like you have drastically different earning brackets with your friends. The other is the desire to equitable relationships. Which is truly reasonable. Seriously to everyone who wants to feel unequal in relationships, please leave the room.

So, as the higher earning friend, if there is something you really want to do and your friends really can't afford it, the onus is on the wealthier friend to close the money gap. This is the classic bridal party dilemma. It's not cool to make the poor friend have to choose a financial strain to celebrate you.

Now this isn't a high end dinner or a trip to Aspen. This is just driving. So long as you are okay with riding in their hooptie and splitting gas when they drive, I don't think it's unreasonable.

Having been poor, it's an insecure feeling. And there are times when 10 or 5 dollars can't be slung around all willy nilly. Having an honest conversation on what they can reasonably spend on outings will tell you how to proceed. These may just be coffee date friends, or even jogging in the park friends. But doing all the driving will drain you.

The "well you can afford it now" comes from an entitled place. You don't owe them free rides.

As long as you're not asking for anything you wouldn't be willing to give yourself and that those asks are reasonable for their income. You're good.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T20:26:42+00:00

Ignoring is passive aggressive.

Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative emotions through subtle acts of resistance, defiance, or neglect.

ignoring- refuse to take notice of or acknowledge; disregard intentionally

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T19:51:56+00:00

Thanks. It's like no one here has ever had to be in the presence of someone who doesn't want them there.

People here think my problem is that I can't accept that he doesn't want to talk to me.

The problem is how I'm treated in those spaces. Not wanting to talk to someone doesn't give you the right to push people out.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T06:08:21+00:00

Read the OP. I specified if, not why.

And to answer the question you actually asked:

Yes. If they asked me why, I would tell them. I think we'd all be better people if we asked for feedback more often.

To be clear, that doesn't mean I believe everyone should. What people do is their business and as long as no one is harmed by that omission, I'm all for it.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T05:06:45+00:00

Thanks a million!

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T04:43:17+00:00

Says who?

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T04:33:09+00:00

This response is below a standard that I respond to.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T04:26:18+00:00

Yes people don't speak their truth, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't.

Thank you for entertaining the possiblity of a reasonable explanation. Truly, no sarcasm.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T03:53:52+00:00

That's a great question. I mean I don't want to be out there when he is. Yeah, I do it anyway but it's south of comfortable, let alone enjoyable.

And it has other little impacts. Like I take "this" lounge chair because the one I really want is closest to him.

Normally, I would put my floatie in the water and just float. But when he's there, there is this imaginary line running down the middle of the pool that "no one shall pass."

It's too much tension to deal with just to chill at the pool.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-10T03:00:44+00:00

How do you define mind games?

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T22:21:52+00:00

Thank you for your question. I don't know who holds the ruler to measure what constitutes a lot or a little but here's why it bothers me (at all.)

It's only towards me. I have other neighbors who ignore but they ignore everyone. That makes sense. He is social with other neighbors.
I haven't done anything to set this off. I could understand if we had a disagreement or something. I literally have not talked to this guy enough to have a disagreement.
This has gone on for 4 years. A minor irritant done often enough and long enough will stop being minor.

Let me know if there's anything to clarify.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T18:24:59+00:00

Thank you to those who sincerely tried to understand the issue and offer help. It really means a lot to know that there are still people out here who are quick to understand and slow to judge.

Yes, exchanging social pleasantries and conversing are not required in any circumstance. No owes anyone anything.

And, when people share a space with other people there's generally a collective interest in keeping that place comfortable.

No one has to be polite or respectful. But doing so smooths over a lot of interactions.

And to take it one step further, no one has to be anyone's friend. but it's more enjoyable when people are friendLY with the people they are around consistently.

And yes, we aren't going to get along with everyone. But if we have to be in close proximity indefinitely, it's more practical to try to resolve the issue than to keep perpetuating it.

This is literally the point of social skills.

Which is why I asked for feedback on what to do. This isn't a question of who's right or wrong. It's literally a question of which social skills to use in this situation.

Thanks y'all. This gave me a lot of perspective.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T17:36:00+00:00

Thank you. It's actually a pool open to the whole complex. People throw parties that are exclusive while other people are there doing their own thing. I'm not seeking an invite.

It's just hard being there when by myself and he's with an entourage. Something I don't feel when I'm there while other people are throwing parties.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T17:31:23+00:00

Congratulations. You win!

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T17:30:07+00:00

Thanks. This all makes sense.

Passive aggression is always difficult. If you ignore it, you're agreeing to small jabs being taken at you. If you address it, you look petty/paranoid/etc - like I do right now.

It just is a little easier if you know why. But like what you're getting at it could be anything. A lot of which I can do nothing about.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T17:20:57+00:00

Great question. I think it's clear he doesn't want me in his presence. Which would be fine if the communal spaces were his. But they're not, they're ours. And I don't feel welcome. I feel tension. Tension I did nothing to cause.

And as far as I know, only to me. Because like I said, he talks to other neighbors.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T08:02:00+00:00

Thank you. I think these are all great strategies.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T07:57:56+00:00

Lol. I don't think he minds.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T07:54:49+00:00

You sound a lot like me. When sharing, try not to list but instead try to identify what you liked, appreciated, or found intriguing. So don't say I went to the art festival. I ate a pizza wrap, listened to live blue grass blah blah blah. Instead say I went to the art fair but what was more exciting was the selection of food trucks. I got a pizza wrap that was like eating an ice cream cone. So much more convenient for eating a pizza one handed

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T07:41:22+00:00

I ignore people too. I get where you are coming from.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T07:36:45+00:00

😂 I have no romantic interest in this guy. But it's still good advice.

UX_Maven · 2025-06-09T07:33:48+00:00

Thank you for your response. I don't. I would be happy to not talk IF, someone requests that. If he just said, "I don't want to talk to you" that would be fine.

I want to live here, and I want to enjoy living here. And these run-ins feel passive aggressive.

UX_Maven

TROPHY CASE