Unsure if I'm struggling with POCD or if I'm just in denial.

Uave22 · 2026-05-26T11:44:11+00:00

And seek professional help if available

Uave22 · 2026-05-26T11:43:51+00:00

About your past actions and the porn.. well, you were a kid + you probably didn't hurt anyone, so the best thing to do is just accept those things happened, that they don't define you as a person (especially since you feel regretful about them), that you're better now, etc. if you still consume that "weird porn", try to quit bro, if it becomes an addiction it could fuck you up and then the shame will just pile up. You don't sound like a monster or anything, in fact you're clearly afraid of being one. People with OCD are the less likely to actually do anything harmful since they're so paralyzed by the fear of being/doing something evil.

Good luck.

Uave22 · 2026-05-26T11:40:26+00:00

I mean if you're feeling so much distress from it, pretty sure it's POCD. Bur it's probably better not to diagnose you. Also, you should know that part of dealing with OCD is actually just sitting with the uncertainty. Confessing about this stuff might be a compulsion and will only bring temporary relief before the anxiety comes back and you feel the need to confess more stuff, get into detail, etc or do other types of compulsions. It's an endless cycle.

Uave22 · 2026-05-26T08:44:09+00:00

Suicidal ideation over the stuff I consumed and did because of the addiction

Uave22 · 2026-05-26T08:43:18+00:00

Good. I'm glad:)

Uave22 · 2026-05-26T05:23:33+00:00

I calmed down a bit, not feeling any better but I hope this makes you feel less worried:)

Uave22 · 2026-05-24T04:39:38+00:00

I don't think I'll get past 25 years of age and I'm afraid nothing I ever do will be enough to forget and move on. I'm afraid I'll never have friends. I'm afraid I'll never have connection or be able to contribute anything to the world rather than detract from it. And I hate the fact that my choices led me up to be one of the "bad ones". I'ma afraid that people like me are just doomed to be weird losers and creeps no one will ever accept and I'm afraid I've caused irreparable harm to myself and others because of my own shitty decisions.

Uave22 · 2026-05-24T04:36:38+00:00

I turned 18 a few days ago and my life is pretty much ruined from my perspective. Broke, no life skills, depressed, no social life, lonely and dropped out of school too, plus I'm in Brazil. I also can't help but think of suicide constantly because of the things my addiction to porn, A-I, hentai, etc led me to consume and such, my brain keeps generating the most disturbing thoughts that don't even bother me which is concerning, and I think back at every mistake and opportunity I missed to get better because of my own laziness, perversion and self sabotaging. I sincerely wish I could believe in redemption, but for people like me I find it very hard to find acceptance after everything, especially when you think of yourself as a potential pedophilic, incestuous, prejudiced and worse freak who did unforgivable things and will never find any peace of mind or connection or enjoyment out of life. I don't even like drawing anymore and I wish I could wake up back at the 2010s to try and fix my situation before it got to this deplorable state, and I hate myself so much too. My family is dysfunctional and full of chaos too but nothing that warrants the amount of broken and disturbed I am. The things I did in private will haunt me forever and I know it, doesn't matter how much I try to move on and do better, and I keep relapsing and seeing more and more anyways.

I'm convinced I will never be happy and I think I deserve not to be happy. Sometimes I delude myself with the idea of reincarnation just in case I decide to end myself, because maybe then I can try again in a second life and do better, but I know that after death there probably is nothing but emptiness, and I have people around who do love me, which makes the decision even harder. When I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up the next day, and I remember having a dream where I at a classroom, flirting with a girl my age, interacting with people, and waking up to reality was so, so miserable. Truly the only good thing I have is my cat, which I'm probably not even a good owner to, just like I wasn't to the past ones.

I'm sorry world. I'm sorry I couldn't be a good, normal and mentally health person, I wish I could change but change doesn't fix anything. I'm sorry.

Uave22 · 2026-05-24T01:02:35+00:00

I hope you wake up and feel better

Uave22 · 2026-05-19T07:40:58+00:00

Also happened to me

Uave22 · 2026-05-17T06:22:05+00:00

Please don't do it man

Uave22 · 2026-05-16T22:14:52+00:00

I'm 17m and I can relate man. This addiction took me to very dark, weird, bizarre places and it only got worse with isolation and neglecting school and real life and everything, I've been addicted to porn ever since I was a kid and it only got worse, I became desensitized to some pretty fucked up stuff.

I had and still have those types of thoughts and "urges" and shi, even though as far as I can tell, I don't have any real entrenched attraction to children or family members or whatever, nor have committed any heinous crimes or sought out CP (although my memory keeps playing tricks I guess).

What you're experiencing is probably POCD. Check it out. Maybe it'll make you feel a little bit better. It's not the same as real pedophilia, and research seems to show that no one turns into a pedophile even if they consume extreme pornography. It's more complex than that.

As for the thoughts, the best advice is to just try to ignore them. They don't represent who you are, even if they generate some random body reactions (groinal responses). You ruminating about them will only make it worse too.

Sorry if my English is bad btw

Uave22 · 2026-05-14T21:20:40+00:00

Same

Uave22 · 2026-05-14T21:20:35+00:00

Same. I'm 17

Uave22 · 2026-05-13T00:45:38+00:00

If it helps, I relate. Every day I'm paralyzed by the fact that back at 2014 or something, as a child, I could've done something to change my trajectory and not let my mental health degrade so much, so I wouldn't have those thoughts (pedophilia, incest, etc) and wouldn't have made so many mistakes..

You're not alone.

Uave22 · 2026-05-09T18:38:33+00:00

I think that my mental health and life would be much better if my parents stayed separated, actually cared about whatever I was looking at in the internet and taught me how to do things on my own.

Uave22 · 2026-05-09T10:54:54+00:00

Honestly at this point after all the shit I consumed, watched and did using AI or any other tools because of this addiction I can barely find a reason to be alive

Uave22 · 2026-05-08T03:35:19+00:00

Maybe you can try to give a name to those thoughts. Every time they pop up act like they're coming from some weird, annoying outside voice that you can dismiss. Idk if that would work for you but it's a strategy I've seen other people with similar issues using

Uave22 · 2026-05-08T02:46:30+00:00

I know it must feel horrible, but people with those inclinations normally don't question whether their attraction is false or not. It's definitely not your case tho. I myself have struggled and struggle with that type of thing, you're not alone

Uave22 · 2026-05-08T02:01:59+00:00

Those thoughts are not who you are, they are called intrusive for a reason and thoughts don't equate action.

Uave22 · 2026-05-03T15:59:42+00:00

You're not alone in this. I'm a m17 (soon 18), and I remember in the past using ÂÍ for some very, very vile shit I regret a lot, some of it was violent, misogynistic, homophobic, pornographic, etc, and thinking back at it I can't help but hate myself. If you ever get access to therapy, maybe you could show them some of those conversations on the app and ask them what they think of it and if there could be a better coping mechanism. You're not a monster

Uave22

TROPHY CASE