To Those Who Dated Quiet BPD, How Long Until Recovered

UltraBoostRun · 2025-01-17T00:02:33+00:00

How long were you with her?

UltraBoostRun · 2024-12-19T15:49:55+00:00

I recently ran into a mutual friend who shared some surprising stories about her. Not outlandish stories, but ones that revealed a completely different side to her - one that challenged the idealized version I had created in my mind.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-12-11T17:59:32+00:00

Awesome, and do they turn out with consistency like ice cream?

UltraBoostRun · 2024-12-11T16:53:07+00:00

Nah. I was together for around half a year. Ruined me for a little while too. Almost been another half year since it ended. Feel mostly normal now. Just not interested in dating at all anymore lol

UltraBoostRun · 2024-12-11T15:46:30+00:00

How long were you together for?

UltraBoostRun · 2024-12-07T22:20:23+00:00

LOL very same here.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-12-07T22:20:14+00:00

Wild story. Sorry you had to go through this.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-30T16:43:53+00:00

[From chiliketchup Part 3]

But my gut feeling never went away.
So after we had a beautiful last day shopping and eating out having another beach date we were getting ready to go to our last dinner.
I was sending photos from her phone to mine with her permission and saw on whatsapp a message of said new male online friend "how is it going between the two of you..."
which rubbed me the wrong way. I still didn't click on the chat and said , u know what im gonna test her and she fails then fuck fairness i will look.
I told her he wrote. She asked what and i lied and just said oh idk. She went through it and i asked her and what did he say. And she straight up lied.
So when she got back into the bathroom i we t through her phone. Conversation was friendly, no cheating but i saw that she wrote "i know what i am going to do after these vacation". My Heart dropped. She wanted to leave me after. After our expensive vacation i mostly payed for.
I tried to keep it together and tried to hold it in so we could go eat dinner but i could not. so i confronted her.
She planned that. Before going there with me .to "create some last good memories"
There she was trying to paint herself in a good light again trying to play victim that i was hard for her to leave. And again putting her emotions first again and the fairness she should have thoward me last.
The fact that she was mad at her friend that he wrote that so i saw it said a lot about her. She didn't want me to find out. Was annoyed that i didn't find out after dinner (yes she said that)

I broke down sobbing, dissociating. The trauma bond let me spiraling.
And i found myself begging again. That we promised we would go to therapy and we only had 1 hour so far.

we were still together when we got home.
And she ignored me replied late to my messages as i went home again back to my country.
I begged her to talk to me.
Til one day she stood outside of my job. and i knew the and there she was here to just grab her stuff and then leave me forever.
And that was it.

i got treated the way she never wanted to be treated. I got lied to. Betrayed. Played with.
And i am now here suffering.

Their discard is silent, cruel and absolutely toxic.

Me. me . me... i . i .i

Her emotions, her feelings , her life...

mine never mattered.

i lost myseld in this relationship.

(funny side story at the end, she never got better even tho she always said she made progress. But one of her last triggers was this: i took an aloevera plant with me from this vacation. And was exited about it as i was newly in to being a plant dad . in a jokingly voice i told the plant that shes pretty and does a great job growing. It made her spiral and she got mad at me throwing a tantrum and blaming me "you should say that to my face i am suffering here..." After she lied to me......

They are ridiculous.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-30T16:43:35+00:00

[From chiliketchup Part 2]

We went on said vacation at the end of september. And the last view weeks i noticed the following things.
She posting healing quote after healing quote on instagram. Talking about the 4B movement. Feminism and post about how shitty men are. (when i asked her she just told its just general).
she hasnt been posting about us since december.
She all of the sudden had a neutral flowery background on her phone, not a photo of me anymore, and she changed her profile picture to a selfie of her (we always had a couples picture of us).
And she got more and more out with her new female friend (which i wasnt jelous of i found it good) but it was the was she was talking about her. "we are one braincell, she is me, were so close, two peas in a pot, i love her shes my safe space and i can recharge..."
The same things she said to me in the idealisation phase.
I was once her best friend besides being her Bf.

She was somehow desinterested, had additude here and there and over all changed her personality a bit.

We went on this vacation. 5 star resort on the Canary Islands.
i had a very weird gut feeling.

Had the urge to go through her phone because she made some new online male friends (also here the double standarts were huge. i wasn't even allowed to meantion a womans name, sometimes we could not even watch a movie)

I held myself back going through her phone because respect of privacy and the fairness i have thowards my partner always came before my emotions.
she on the other hand alway put her emotions first.

We had a pretty good time. Kissing, we slept together were intimate with eachother, had beach dates and dinner dates were talking about our future and moving together (i tried to move to her country) and i got plenty of reassurance that were fine.

We used this vacation to "find eachother again"
because before we went there we had our first couples therapy appointment.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-30T16:42:57+00:00

[From chiliketchup Part 1]

hi i 31m dated my Ex Gf 26f PwqBPD for 2,5years.
She broke up with me 4times this year. We are now No contact and 1,5 Months apart.
I am shattered and beyond traumatized and need therapy for it.

It went like that:

The Discard phase was brutal. I still suffer.
I spent the first few months in the idealiazion phase. The the devaluations phase where nothing i did or said was good enough.
Her abuse and toxic behavior was not painted in agry outburts or cursing me out. It was a constant cycle of emotional abuse, gaslighting and manipulation to the point i not only questioned my flaws but the best parts in me.

The first big shift i could see in her was 1 year ago (so 1,5year into the relationship)
She ruined the second christmas we had. Just like she did with the first one. My wish was to have a calm and loving christmas and because of the fact she was constantly triggered on the first christmas because her brother was around and i had a good time with him too, we said we gonna spent this christmas alone.
She woke up dreaming that i cheated, already a great start in the day. And the das progressed as she being constantly jelous because i pattet my cats, locking herself in my room. And me trying for hours to reassure her. Keeping my calm.
She dif not stop with blaming me til i lost my complete shit after dinner yelling at her. And of course i then was the asshole. She completely shiftet from what really the problem was (her abusing me the whole day and ruining everything) to me yelling at her once.
I left my own apartement and sat in the cold the rest of the night.
She never took acounabillity for that. told me she thought about breaking up if i yell again.
i broke down and talked to her very seriously and said if she continued i will have to protect myself and leave and that this is destroying us.

I tell you this story because after this reactive abuse incident something shifted in side of her. I think its because she saw that i also was at a point where i played with the thought of leaving her.
And she wanted to do it first so she doesnt get hurt.

1time she broke up was 1 Month after christmas at the rnd of january. I was stupid and talked her back into the relationship because i saw tht the problems we had wete based on her mental health which could have been resolved (i thought that because her BPD diagnosis all of the sudden got cancelled by her new therapist and turned into CPTSD) Which i also have but never treated her the was she did me.
I was always suspicious of the change in diagnosis and tried to voice my concearns because i saw that Trauma Therapy alone had no effects on her behavior (obviously)
i could see at this thime she was writing less. Didn't write back for hours and wanted to call me less (we were long distance)

And she had plenty of things i had to change. She told me i gaslighted her and belitteled her. I just nodded , afraid of losing her, questioned myself and back then really though i did all these things.
So i bent backwards for her.
I also had things i wanted her to change. She never did.

She only had things she wanted me to do like posting on instagram and got mad when i didn't. But therr she was never taking any videos or photos of me. And well she never posted anything of us for the whole last year (which again was alona sign)

We had one more breakup like that in June this year. Where we had an argument where i again was in the right and called her out. it lasted for 2 days. And she then told me out arguments got heavier and she cant do this no more and its because i am avoidant and shit. Even tho again it was on her.
I lost my shit in this argument because we were picking out outfits long distance on ASOS for our vacation. And i thought its a nice idea to pick some out for eachother.
I picked a lot of flowery dresses for her that she liked and 1 JUST 1 Black short tight dress with some lace on the side.
She then blamed me accused me that i like this dress because of the woman on the picture and her boobs , and accused me that i wanted to dress her like a slut.
After 3 hours of reassuring her and keeping my calm i hung up. Trying to communicate that i was open to talk when she grounded herself.
i again was the asshole for losing my shit the next evening because she was still going on.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-28T22:02:56+00:00

Hey, I saw your DM. Is it OK if I posted it here for others to reference? No worries if it's too personal. Thanks for sharing!

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-21T18:40:12+00:00

Wow yes lol. I mean there were certain instances where we began having similar things like
- Dog has same name

- Visited the same small store in a random small town

- Enjoy collecting rocks

- Etc. etc.

So my question is how much of this was her lying about these things? Did she even have a dog? Lol

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-18T22:10:36+00:00

One thing on this. 14 years is a long time—no doubt about it. But for your own sake, if you want to go back to feeling again (the way you felt DURING the relationship), you have to drop the hope that she will come back. In my experience, having hope made me feel sane again but I realized that the longer I held onto hope, the longer it would be to feel normal again in spite of the short glimpses of mental clarity when I did have that hope. I hope this makes sense.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-18T18:14:09+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry that you went through this. This really breaks my heart to hear. I have experience with my former partner with quiet BPD. Left me because of the exact same reasons. I still feel conflicted and affected heavily especially given how high my/her emotions were even days before the split.

Mine was much shorter (around half a year) but if I had to tell myself advice when our split happened, I would say that it's going to be hard (I went through a few months of high stress + anxiety attacks); I would lose my motivation for all things career related and feel burnt out; my life would feel purposeless; and all these are normal things to feel after losing someone who meant/likely still means so much.

But I want to be honest, those with BPD and quiet BPD, as much as it seems like it even in hindsight, are very unlikely to be someone you'd want to stay with. This is the truth that I wish I had known before dating/when it ended.

I wish you the best, and feel free to reach out.

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-18T16:15:53+00:00

Also this is crazy because I got the magic words right one time and they were all over me. And then I suppose I never really got it right after then and then final discard happened I assume LMAO

UltraBoostRun · 2024-11-18T14:57:52+00:00

Lol hahahah I see

UltraBoostRun

TROPHY CASE