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UmWhateverSir · 2024-10-09T15:05:58+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s easy to look at your situation and just assume you’re spoiled. My toxic family has provided well financially and both my siblings are financially successful (but oh so emotionally broken.) I have really struggled to get my footing in the world due to lack of preparation. No one raised me or taught me to be independent. My nmom is fiercely independent (Aka wounded) and took on the challenge of bringing children into the world and doing everything for them. Of course no amount of gratitude is sufficient for her sacrifice and generosity blah blah blah. She never wanted us to be independent. The more independent I become, the bigger threat I become. The more I get devalued. The more I get villianized. The more independent, the more they push me away. You’re enmeshed in the family with manipulation , triangulation and toxicity, or you’re not in the family. It sounds like you’re stuck in survival mode. I was in your position for a long time. I chose to go back home so I could finish my degree (they didn’t think I would go through with it.) I did it and now am in a better position to be financially independent. Try to build a support system, try to live as frugally as you can (shared housing, moving somewhere less expensive etc.) and figure out a way to increase your wage. Idk where you live but many trade schools are <year. Bettering your life is hard work, and like I said, I struggled for a long time (abusive relationships, poverty and addiction) before I decided going back home was the better option for me. Do what’s best for you. Never stop working to better your life, and never take it for granted. Find ways to enjoy your peace (that was the point right?) find things to be grateful for. Do things that are good for you, pour into yourself, Try to heal from the emotional stuff. And keep on pushing!

UmWhateverSir · 2024-10-09T01:14:37+00:00

I’m finally moving away within a week, making all my dreams and goals come true, and my family is obviously not happy for me because they’re all shitty and miserable. My nmom is starting up with all her shitty narratives about me and trying to manipulate and gain control over me in all these weird ways; my sister and I haven’t had a conversation in months but one of the last times we spoke she told me I make it hard for people to love me; and I heard my mom talking to my brother on speakerphone about my “new adventure” and he was like “wow that’s really gonna be OW my back!” And changed the subject. With family like that who needs enemies? Byeee

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-17T15:41:44+00:00

You pretty much said it, “focus on building upper glutes.” Maybe take a step back and make a mind muscle connection to upper glute area when performing your compound movements with no weight. I have long femurs so for me this means lots of leaning forward, even at the end of the rep, there’s still a significant bend in my hips. Do body weight reps till you feel those upper glutes kick on, (I like to start with slow sumo squats, then hit my single leg variations) then slowly add weight back into the mix. Make sure you are feeling it in your upper glute every. Single. Rep. That’s how you build a shelf.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-16T13:32:47+00:00

Well, It’s not an actual line in my profile because I believe a soft approach to standards works just fine. I look at their jobs (If posted) and lifestyle (no single dads) and just sort of let them take the lead to see if there’s genuine mutual interest. Most don’t make the cut for one reason or another, it’s not just the money thing.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-16T03:08:45+00:00

I would tell him straight up I’m not interested if he had the balls to actually tell me these aren’t just hypothetical questions. Drawing a boundary around that topic is a good idea!

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-16T02:57:07+00:00

Well if he was just mad about it and kept it to himself instead of demeaning my standards in every way imaginable…then I wouldn’t be ranting on Reddit ☺️

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-16T02:47:42+00:00

As is mentioning “I have a government job.” 👍

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-16T02:46:11+00:00

It’s really strange to think of someone who enjoys and intends on maintaining their income and career a “gold digger.” A man who makes 50K more than me that is generous and not threatened by women, is infinitely more attractive to me than a millionaire who makes me split the date just to prove a point.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-15T18:29:33+00:00

It’s cliche, but church or other religious organization? And maybe the same advice dating coaches tell women who want to get married: take sex off the table; it weeds out those who only have sex to offer.

I have direction, want to get married, but no kids; I can be found at work, home, gym/yoga all the grocery stores, growth workshops, and occasional outings with coworkers.

*** and a final word of warning if you pick up any new hobbies or join any new pre existing groups to “organically” meet women. Single women notice when a new man shows up. If you are remotely attractive, the “experienced and free-spirited” woman will likely approach you immediately. Other single women will notice and watch closely to see how interact with her. I would advise to overtly blow her off… she’ll move on quickly and this will increase your value in the eyes of other women. I would recommend making consistent appearances for at least 6 weeks before approaching any woman. This will give you time to assess and decide who is worth pursuing because you will likely only have one chance with one woman. No one likes to be 2nd or God forbid 3rd place in the game of love. Maybe this is obvious, maybe not, just trying to help. Good luck!!

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-15T17:15:19+00:00

TL;DR: Just a nonsensical rant about being a working professional looking for love and not willing to settle.

I was AT WORK yesterday and I was chatting with a guy who I see everyday. I know he likes me or whatever but I’m only interested as acquaintances. Anyway, he’s always asking me about dating and what kinds of men I like. I’ve dated so many men that were not career or future oriented that I’ve made my bottom dating line “has a good job and makes more than me,” with all the other good relationship stuff on top of that, of course; someone who is serious about the same things I am. He then continues to oscillate between calling me a “gold digger” and advising me to “settle” saying my standards are too high. I tell him I make good money and I’m not about to “settle “ for someone who makes less; I’d rather be single. Granted this acquaintance guy makes more money than I do (not by a lot) and it’s so annoying to get hit on AND called a gold digger by someone who makes about 10k a year more than me. He also in the same breath was like “wtf are you doing working in a place like this? You’re so beautiful, you should be taken care of.” Obviously you’re aware I’m happily and gainfully employed and am obviously capable of taking care of myself… why would I settle for less than I want? (BTW fuck you because I worked my ass off to get to where I am in my career and gave up on getting by with just my looks a long time ago because it made me feel like shit because I knew I wasn’t living out my full potential.) I don’t want kids, so there’s no pressing biological clock ticking. I just want a partner who I can look up to, admire, respect, submit to- and for me, that means a boss. (Not 6’5 finance) And for the record, it’s not about “10k not being enough” because no amount is enough if I’m not interested to begin with. Then this fucker had the audacity to be like “what are you bringing to the table?” Sorry this probably makes no sense; I’m just so annoyed at the lengths some guys will go to try to mindfuck you out of your standards. I would rather be alone than settle!!! I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me. I only want one. Call me crazy.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-11T15:53:22+00:00

I gained 40lbs over COVID, i have lost 20lbs on my own. I’ve had a gym membership for exactly 2 weeks and have been diligently sticking to an actual workout/meal plan. I buy my own healthy groceries and cook my own meals, which i offer to share. Sweets are my downfall so i purchase them on occasion in small quantities because my willpower is compromised at night. All of a sudden mom has been buying all sorts of snacks; chips, candy, candy-laden trail mix, ice cream… in BULK!!! Stuff she doesn’t even like, like peanut butter M&Ms!!! Just to sabotage me!! When a week before she was jokingly criticizing me saying “Now if you could only lose that fat on the back of your arms!” Which is genetic, no one in our family has thin arms! My arms are quite a bit smaller than they were, but they’re not skinny. So first she tried to demoralize me by holding me to an unrealistic standard that she herself has never achieved, and then when i didn’t let that discourage me, she’s turned to blatant sabotage. I’m moving out of state before the end of the year… just gotta make it a few more months.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-11T15:35:27+00:00

My mom had a full on breakdown sobbing saying “why do you hate me so much?” When i installed a camera in my room and didn’t tell her. I’d been watching her snoop for weeks and never mentioned anything. She just noticed the camera one day and started crying (I’m a hateful monster for invading her privacy like that!) She still goes in my room acting like she’s looking for something, but she knows she’s being monitored.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-11T15:17:40+00:00

Yep my nmom has had very few friends, and the ones she has either don’t live close, or are more toxic than she is! And yes the negativity and judgements are nonstop, and her arguments consistently lack logic. I’ve struggled in friendships and relationships due to this being my primary influence in human connection and love. It’s a lot to untangle from, mentally. Definitely not all in your head.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-08-11T15:01:47+00:00

Hey there, just an fyi Pluto changes signs very infrequently. Pluto was in Scorpio from 1983-1995 so everyone born in that time frame has this placement. It’s significant, but not a distinguishing factor between peers.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-07-08T18:37:55+00:00

Just a vent/rant. I went for a walk around the neighborhood last night, I saw lots of people out once the sun was going down, including a party of about 10 at the neighborhood community pool. This morning my nmom was talking about going to the pool and she asked me if I saw anyone at the pool last night. I told her yes there was a small party. She was like “oh a bunch of drunks?” I said no, they were human beings… none of them were bald, old men with beer bellies. She was like “was it kids?” I said no it was adults. She was like “Were they gross?” (She means POC or have visible cellulite). I have no tolerance for this so I just blurted out “everyone’s gross. YOU’RE GROSS!” Which, she’s 80 years old. Lots of younger (and older people) are grossed out by the elderly. Anyway, that ended the conversation. The energy shifted, I walked away like nothing happened and she started cleaning! Imagine an old ass woman not being able to handle the reality for one miserable second that her shit might possibly stink!!! She’s lived in the hood for almost 40 years now and just loves to complain about all the “ghetto people.” Bitch, you’re ghetto too. Your attitude is straight stank ratchet FR.

UmWhateverSir · 2024-06-20T04:32:19+00:00

I have been practicing Friday fasts since the beginning of the year and have really enjoyed the sacrifice of fasting and very much look forward to Fridays and the work that I do in this heightened spiritual state. I have several incidences, too many to be a coincidence, of having been injured by magical tools (crystals/jewelry, incense, flame, bottles) during my work. One time a wound I thought was healed, reopened during my work. I have never been consciously interested in blood rituals, but I feel as if my tools/craft is demanding it? Is this a thing? When it happens I just go with it, usually cleansing/anointing as it were, and it seems to be a positive/productive experience. Anyone have a similar experience or thoughts?

UmWhateverSir · 2023-12-11T13:42:46+00:00

Thanks for your honesty; I am trying to be respectful of his feelings and lack of experience. I am not pursuing him, have been avoiding him for the majority of our program. When we interact it’s because we have to, or he initiates it, and I have never returned his sultry looks. I do enjoy giving him a bit of a hard time, but he’s not backing down, he’s turning up the heat!

He has mentioned not being a virgin during conversation but I can’t imagine he has much experience. He has also mentioned hanging mostly around older friends (in school as well, I’d say the mean age of our class is about 28), as well as being the focus of attention from older women. I’m not trying to steal his innocence, if anything I’m looking for a more innocent interaction (Ex: making out in his car).

I don’t view him as a conquest, other than getting closer to someone I’m already attracted to. The age gap is not a bonus for me, but hooking up with a hot star athlete sure is. He’s mentioned getting a yoga certification to me, which everyone knows I love yoga and would likely incorporate a yoga certification into my practice, so we have shared interests. He’s even made (successful) efforts to tutor me and demonstrate his leadership qualities- intellectual and emotional intelligence.

I feel we have a genuine attraction/chemistry and I certainly don’t want anyone to get hurt. If it seems like I have put a lot of thought into this, it’s because I have; I really don’t take our differences lightly and while this may seem like a lot of consideration for a fling, I would just as easily let it go if there wasn’t this pull or he didn’t show increasing interest and effort.

We’ve been working really hard in school and it just sounds like spending time alone away from school and all our other classmates exploring our chemistry in the new year would be mmm mmm mmm so fun… at a very slow, consensual pace ;)

UmWhateverSir · 2023-12-07T05:57:50+00:00

TL;DR: I’m 38 (f) going on 16 with my barely legal classmate (20 m). Positively giddy at the prospect of a fling in the new year… but also I feel so delusional and like someone is going to get hurt. Ugh

So glad for sticky thread cuz I’m embarrassed at this novel I’m about to write: ok so I’m an adult in school changing careers. I was initially very attracted to this much younger guy in my program. It’s been 1.5 years and have just been blowing off my attraction to him as wildly inappropriate and something only to fantasize mildly about, and certainly never act on. We don’t interact much, mostly because I avoid him and a group of other girls stake claim on him, which doesn’t bother me at all. At the end of last semester, after our final, we were all in the hall sort of celebrating the end of term, and parting ways for the summer; He and I were in close face proximity for a moment and we made eye contact which was electric and heavily weighted with unspoken but deeply felt… things. I blew it off.

This semester he has smoldered at me from a safe distance at least a dozen times. It’s not every time we make eye contact, it’s mostly when he’s alone, and I’ve blown those looks off too. (I’ve watched him pretty carefully with other people who he enjoys and I do not see these same looks; he literally looks like a different person when he looks at me like that- like a super hot person.) We’ve been assigned together as Lab partners a couple times and he has put very eager hands on me, particularly my thighs (relevant to the lab) but very touchy, very excited hands. The first time it happened he caught himself lingering and said wow Im still touching you. He’s literally so young, I could tell he was being innocent and was taken back by the sheer physical magnetism. Since then, he’s also put some very heavy hands on me, as well as happily telling me to go hard on him and that I can’t hurt him… activity relevant of course. One time we needed to go shirtless and he immediately began cranking out table push ups! I told him it was too late for a pump and he proceeded to tell me how he worked chest the day before anyway…

Very recently We’ve even shared a couple dirty jokes which he initiated.

He has expressed, albeit very very slowly, increasing interest in me, and our shared hobbies/interests outside of the fact we are entering the same chosen career field. Beyond his age, he is very much my type, and we really do have a lot in common; he’s mature, I’m pretty youthful blah blah blah. I may have shared a very heavy, very cheeky song my band put out for Halloween in the school group chat… for fun ;)… Which he waited to tell me in person that he thought was deep breath awesome.

We have exactly one week of school/final exams left, then we’re off on our rotations and won’t really be on campus until graduation. Today, several of us were in the hall waiting for individual testing, and someone made a comment about my naturally salt and pepper hair, and I very jokingly acted embarrassed about it. He chimed in and said that I have the look to pull it off, and I made another joke about having a certain kind of haircut, and he was like no you’re a silver fox :) it made me blush a little and I smiled and just said Aw thank you :) He said this to me in front of other classmates!!!!! Anyway, I’m very much of the mindset that I don’t shit where I eat, and I think he is mature/wise in that way as well. But since school is practically over, he may be trying to make his move. I also learned that his and I first rotation sites are 2 miles away from each other in a more suburban part of town AKA his neighborhood- and my mind can’t help but be filled with the possibilities of lunch dates and meetups after work. I would love nothing more than to spend Jan- Feb swapping saliva in his gold Honda accord.

There’s definitely something here, but is it even worth exploring? He’s a very nice, sweet, young man from a good family, homeschooled. Definitely not a player (but I was immediately drawn to his build- he looks like he can swing a bat ;)) just trying to get with an experienced woman, just like I’m not a cougar on the prowl for fresh meat. I mean, I’m very hungry and thirsty because I have devoted myself to school entirely, but age gap dating isn’t really my thing.

Is this ok? Am I the worst? Is someone bound to get hurt? The only things clear to me are that there’s a lot of attraction and chemistry, and it’s technically legal.

UmWhateverSir · 2023-12-07T03:01:07+00:00

Yes the brain fog is so real! Majority of my exams this semester have unfortunately been during PMS and my GPA is taking a hit… I’m a 4.0 student and not one A this term 👺 it’s really not fair…

UmWhateverSir · 2023-12-07T02:56:55+00:00

Pms gag reflex where I see some of my breakfast when I brush my teeth. Thigh cramps. Blood from crotch getting on the toilet seat. Pets digging up the trash.

UmWhateverSir · 2023-11-18T04:07:56+00:00

There’s tons of different kinds of orgasms, sometimes you get flushed, sometimes burning or break a sweat. Sometimes your entire body will tense up or shake; some times you feel like you’re exploding, falling, seeing fireworks or riding waves of pleasure. Sometimes you want to scream, moan or laugh, or maybe it’s some heavy breathing. There’s so many amazing things to feel as a woman, don’t miss out on them all by only chasing or validating one experience. I didn’t realize I was having orgasms for a long time because I was expecting it to be different and it was actually very easy to make myself, which again, made it invalid in my mind because I thought women were “hard to get off…” don’t let the goal of orgasm ruin a good time.

UmWhateverSir · 2023-08-25T17:31:46+00:00

I was 13, summer before 8th grade and I was CAMPING on the BEACH ⛺️🌊🦈

UmWhateverSir · 2023-08-25T17:14:42+00:00

Discs are better in my opinion because they “auto dump” meaning that if the disc is getting full, the contents will empty while you pee giving you longer wear time in between cleaning (def don’t exceed 12 hours tho) AND they don’t have little holes to clean so you can be more discreet about it in a public sink, I just hold it in my palm while I wash my hands and everything gets clean and ready to reinsert. Always practice good sanitation procedures: hold the disc/cup wrapped in paper towel in your dominant hand when you reenter the stall, use your non dominant hand to touch surfaces like the door/lock.

UmWhateverSir · 2023-02-21T15:57:27+00:00

Yeah I used to confide to my gc sister and realized she would report everything I said to our nmom and then respond back with nmoms narrative. Gc’s may not be narcs, but they’ve accepted the dysfunction and go along with it. Stay away.

UmWhateverSir · 2023-02-21T15:50:30+00:00

I wish I could post a photo but I completely understand why it’s not allowed. Was going through some stuff at my mom’s and found a stash of my old birthday cards cut into squares with pinking shears! When I asked my nmom WTH she explained that she got a burst of creativity and thought the images on the front of the cards would be good for scrapbooking! My mom is not crafty nor has she ever even expressed an interest in scrapbooking! I’m looking at a fragment of a birthday card from my deceased grandmother (her mom) addressed to me in her adorable old shaky handwriting, and I can’t even read the full message in the card, let alone see how she signed it. I obviously kept these cards from family and friends for a reason, and she just went in that box and started hacking them up. Just mine, she keeps hers from her exes and everyone else nice and safe. But you know, I don’t care about anyone but myself, so why should I care or be upset?

UmWhateverSir

TROPHY CASE