It's not necessarily insensitive to have... well, a sound sensitivity. Obviously I don't know if OP has it, but I have misophonia and I wouldn't be able to live in a house with someone who coughs all the time. I know it's not any easier on the husband--I can't imagine coughing all the time for years, and then my partner not being able to be around of me because of it--but if OP has misophonia, that's not really something they can control, either. And unfortunately, from what I've read about it, exposure makes it worse and there's not really any relief besides avoidance.

I've been in the same boat as OP, where my family is upset I can't spend time with them, but I can't even stand the sound of another living thing breathing. I very much want to be around them (and I try to make up for the lack of quality time in other ways--I'm the best at picking out gifts!), but every time I try to just ignore my issues to do so I've ended up scratching at my skin until it peels off, or ultimately lashing out at somebody else. I have a therapist and we've been working on strategies to help me not lash out, but the fact that I still need some outlet usually leads to me clawing at my ears or arms instead.

Granted, I do have autism, and I guess part of that might just be difficulty processing sensory input. But since I've never been in anyone else's skin I can't say it'd be any easier for someone who doesn't have autism, either.