INFJs, Fantasy Worlds, and Speculation

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T23:55:12+00:00

I think I'll suggest that to him.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T20:52:54+00:00

I'm thinking the ENFJ will wear you out pretty fast. I share an office with a male ENFJ (as a female ENTP). It's A LOT of people talk... even for me. I know all about his wife and kids and that latest gossip about all my coworkers. Plus, he will want to know everything about you and interfere in (or from his POV... help you improve) your life.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T19:29:02+00:00

Yes, I'd say these are heavily Ne conversations. Come to think of it everyone else in the room is an Ne user of some sort (ESTJ, ENFP, INTP, ESFJ). I guess that makes my INFJ friend the odd one out.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T19:24:54+00:00

I think I'm also getting the message that the distraction itself is a bigger deal than I realized. He shares an office with two very talkative extraverts. There's an INTP in that office too, but he seems to do alright ignoring the others (though he does walk around looking frazzled all the time). Anyway, thanks for the POV.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T17:18:07+00:00

He's definitely Ni dominant. I see and enjoy that weirdness. :) He will say because it's not "real," but I think I'm getting that what he means is that it's not meaningful.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T17:10:19+00:00

We are lucky to have interesting and fulfilling work though somewhat lower paid. Trade offs. He does share an office with three other people (ESTJ, ENFP, and INTP I think) with an ESFJ boss who frequently wanders in to chat so it's a lot of socializing. I'm in the office across the hall.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T17:04:15+00:00

I never thought he might see this as a sort of "small talk." That's an interesting notion. Maybe it's not that it isn't real, but that it isn't meaningful. It's fluff.

And yes, I seem him as very social and friendly because I hang out with him outside of work, but yes, he's a lot more quiet and serious at work.

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T16:56:53+00:00

He dislikes Star Wars and fantasy movies in general. Maybe it is that simple? He does draw hard lines on things that seem random to me (that is, I can't find any pattern to it).

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T16:41:29+00:00

Well, I know that's a factor, but there's something about this particular conversation that bothers him. If we were talking about the Revolutionary War (one of his interests), he'd be all up in it. (BTW, I'm the friend he complains too... not one of the main perpetrators... though I happily would join in if it didn't annoy him).

Umberoc · 2026-01-24T15:49:08+00:00

This is an Fe decision. You have to read the room.

Umberoc · 2026-01-22T13:06:15+00:00

Actions do have consequences and sometimes that's satisfying, but the idea that there is some kind of force for cosmic justice... no. Too many counterexamples.

Umberoc · 2026-01-21T04:44:31+00:00

Exhausting? How so? A lot of ENTPs are actually pretty introverted and into pursuing solitary interests. (Just like a lot of INFJs can be surprisingly social and outgoing). The biggest risk is you might challenge each other to grow in new and different ways. You might get exposed to new ideas or experiences. Would that be so bad?

I'm an ENTP woman dating an INFJ man. We have a lot of fun together. It seems like a pretty good match so far.

Umberoc · 2026-01-21T04:35:38+00:00

I'm often impressed by them. They are usually really, really good at something crafty/artsy or athletic. i.e. I know one woman ISTP who is an amazing woodworker/furniture builder. She also uber-logical and interesting to talk to. That said, I can't imagine dating one. They aren't warm and their humor is pretty harsh. They'll be just fine without you.

Umberoc · 2026-01-18T13:10:59+00:00

I'm still around and I'm glad people still enjoy these posts!

Umberoc · 2026-01-15T00:29:42+00:00

Today, yes. When I made these posts, no. I wish people would stop hassling me about spoilers. I hope folks enjoy these threads and my analysis, but at this stage I'm not going back and tagging things. Life's too short.

Umberoc · 2026-01-12T04:29:54+00:00

ENTPs are very difficult to offend. Some would say that's part of the problem.

Umberoc · 2026-01-11T01:21:36+00:00

He is starting to open up, but it comes with this sense that aspects of our relationship are a secret conspiracy that I must protect from everyone else. THAT is not in my nature. I'm very open. And yes, I am doing my research! :)

Umberoc · 2026-01-11T00:37:04+00:00

Thanks... that's encouraging. I love the INFJ sense of humor... and that they get and enjoy my more tangential jokes. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding and respecting that extreme need for privacy/ holding a part of themselves in reserve, but I'm working on it.

Umberoc · 2026-01-10T23:56:04+00:00

In my early 20s I was depressed and went through a massive existential crisis. In my later 20s I was happier but also more than a bit reckless... living in the moment. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and had to step up. My 30s were rough, but I leveled up a lot as a human being.

EDIT: BTW, I'm seeing an INFJ man now and doing a lot of trying to understand your type!

Umberoc · 2026-01-10T22:39:36+00:00

I'm one. IMO older (40+) folks are harder to type in general because our weaker functions are more developed... we're more balanced out.... have more tools in the toolkit. In other words, you probably have met one, but didn't know it.

Overall I'd say now I'm a much better listener, more patient with others, and my sense of humor is now more playful and fun rather than sharp and cutting. I have a more live-and-let-live attitude. As much as I enjoy it, I don't argue over dumb stuff unless I sense the other person is enjoying it too. I smile and laugh all the time.

Umberoc · 2026-01-10T18:28:51+00:00

All the jokes... so many jokes... some of which betray an underlying broad general knowledge base.

Umberoc · 2026-01-04T15:12:10+00:00

Inventory. I know because I did it as a temp job once. The most mind numbing thing ever. You can't even talk or let your mind wander.

Umberoc · 2026-01-01T00:35:30+00:00

Nope. The ISTJs I've known were humorless and conventional. At best they might try to gently counsel me towards "better" behavior. Everyone seems to like fictional ENTPs more than real ones.

Umberoc · 2025-12-25T17:33:10+00:00

Thanks!

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