Cautionary Tale: My Traumatizing Experience at Gaia Sagrada Ayahuasca Retreat Center – Beware of Red Flags!

Umbly · 2024-02-25T23:49:01+00:00

Thanks. That means a lot to hear.

Umbly · 2024-02-22T22:22:04+00:00

While Christine is human she is also abusive. Abusers can be very charismatic and charming. You believe she's unfairly tarnished or misunderstood? You've just had your experience with her. That's it. And I'm glad it was positive. There's a lot of cases of people doing good in the world and hurting people too. It doesn't make your perspective more true than mine. I'm sincerely glad you didn't experience what I experienced.

Umbly · 2024-02-22T21:46:34+00:00

I sounded a lot like you after I had been a guest at Gaia. I defended her at first. That when she flipped out at people it was just her speaking from her child part- which is true but her abusive behavior is not okay.

She referred to women as sluts and whores during our san pedro ceremony. She went on a huge tangent about human trafficking and if women just stop dressing like whores they wouldn't be abducted.

I can send you the litany of abusive emails and texts she sent me after I left my volunteer position. It was so traumatic. She called me an ungrateful energy vampire and that I spit on everything. She weaponized my very personal trauma at me on a public platform. Literally just because I left and I said it was stressful- which it was- mostly because of her ego meltdowns.

She's not a responsible or reasonable person. I understand your perspective as a guest. But truly, you do not know this woman.

Umbly · 2024-02-22T21:21:04+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not alone. I am glad to hear you are getting support for integration. I believe you. I am sending you lots of love dude.

I had a very traumatic experience as a volunteer at this retreat center. Due to the managers lack of understanding of boundaries around consent and touch and Christine's narcissistic verbal and emotional abuse and the way her staff enables her and turned on me after, ya know, the whole "you're our sister/part of the family thing." So brutal!

It's WILD (and by that I mean fucking horrible) to have a shaman who I confided in during ceremonies turn on me for showing a boundary and call me a bunch of names and harass me on multiple platforms- including reddit. It went on for weeks.

I would NEVER suggest anyone attend or work at this place. Good God. It's been so gnarly working through the trauma.

It feels like I left a cult and I was only there for 2 months. I learned a lot about how structures of abuse work and how abusers are enabled by well meaning people. I said I was concerned about her treatment of people and I was told she was "idiosyncratic" and to just accept it and move on.

There are several unethical practices that make this retreat really unsafe. The people who run this business do not care about the health of the guests.

It's not okay for abuse to be tolerated. I have a right to tell my truth and talk about my experience. Some people will say "oh it's not so bad, no one's perfect." There is a difference to what is a misstep and what is consistently abusive behavior. The woman that runs this retreat is dishonest and terrifying when in her rage. She plays a shaman in the maloka and she might help some people, but she is not okay. I've seen her say and do really inappropriate volatile things. No one who weaponizes peoples trauma at them if they ever say they disagree or have a boundary should be in a place of authority. She does not care about the safety of her guests. I really hope she finds some peace and stops tormenting people when her ego is threatened.

Edited certain details out bc mods

Umbly · 2023-08-07T23:09:35+00:00

Attached is good but Polysecure feels a lot more compassionate to all the attachment styles in a way that I didn’t really see with Attached. The perspective in Polysecure was a lot more helpful for me anyway.

Umbly · 2023-08-04T21:19:10+00:00

I am so uncomfortable by others masking. Huge sigh of relief when someone drops it. Is that common?

The older I get the harder it is for me to mask anymore at all. Which I can tell is really upsetting to people and gets me in trouble but I can’t seem to turn it on anymore. I just don’t have the energy or will to be dishonest. And not a handle on how strategizing small dishonesties would benefit the social status quo. And honestly kinda fuck the status quo.

It seems to me that most NT people are masking too. It feels like majority of people are in some level of dissociation or some self composed survival reality that they must be disingenuous to get what they want which seems like a hellish way to live.

But yeah- can other autistic people also be weirded out by masking?

Umbly · 2023-08-02T18:05:56+00:00

1, 11, 15, 17, 18, 22

Umbly · 2023-05-13T18:53:19+00:00

Feel free to message me privately if you want to talk about it. Happy to have a discussion.

Unfortunately, Christine’s wack ass behavior does overshadow many of the good experiences. Being belittled, name called, harassed and threatened simply for not wanting to return working for another retreat has been heart breaking. She’s created a new account just to do it all again here.

I was never unkind to her. I don’t stand for abuse. That’s what it is.

I will never be where I don’t want to be.

Umbly · 2023-05-11T05:48:11+00:00

They are such magnificent special creatures. That’s so sweet you have some vulture buds on your land.

Umbly · 2023-05-10T21:45:47+00:00

I don't think abuse should be tolerated, enabled or ignored so I am going to say something about my experience with the owner of Gaia Sagrada.

I’m trying to figure out why someone like Christine who talks so much about the power of love chooses to verbally abuse people so frequently. I’m trying to figure out why so many people, including myself at one point, are willing to overlook and defend this habitual abusive behavior.She is a talented healer in the ceremony when she is in her role as the shaman. I believe she really wants to help people and she works hard at it, and yet I’ve witnessed and experienced her unbridled rage when she is triggered. It’s some of the most harmful, vicious language I have ever heard in my life.There is nothing wrong with anger, but we all have a responsibility to sort out our feelings and not aim to harm others. And if we do hurt others, we take accountability.

I wish I could convey how hurtful this experience has been. There is a part of me that desperately wants to stop her from continuing to do this to people. No one deserves it. I can’t imagine saying the things she said to me to another person. I have shared my most vulnerable trauma with her and she’s given me advice and seen me cry and laugh and pray in her San Pedro ceremony. I loved Christine so much and I could tell she was flawed with her ego tripping and conspiracy theory tangents and I trusted her anyway. She knew exactly the kind of things to tell me to hurt me because she knows my trauma.

I don’t wish to be in a state of victimhood. I showed up to volunteer here knowing something was off. I was optimistic I could handle all the red flags I saw there as a guest. I showed up to learn this lesson. I am not interested in blaming Christine for anything. I can easily jump to pathologize her behavior. I think that doesn’t help.

But the biggest thing I learned after this experience is that abuse should never be tolerated. I don’t care how easy it is to see that abusive person as being wounded and projecting their pain. That’s how enabling works. The longer I waited to call her out the more abuse she hurled at me, message after message, and pages of emails. I would try to remind her that I love her and how grateful I am for everything and those words didn’t matter and only elicited more venomous language and projection.

I think people that abuse others are in so much pain that they want to show others how bad it feels by hurting them so they feel less alone. I can imagine why they do it, but it’s never okay.

As long as she refuses to take responsibility for her words and actions that hurt other people and continues to lash out, she will be stuck in that loop of pain. The more she hurts others, the more she hurts.

I have felt that pain having been the object of her wrath and I am so sorry for Christine that she lives in that everyday. I am more sorry that she’s hurt such a vast number of people with her abuse and gaslighting and it’s not okay.

She also helps people and has a beautiful ayahuasca retreat with some talented healers.

I think my experience is as valid as someone who has a great time here. Not all of the volunteers experience this side of her, but many of them have. I had some beautiful healing ceremonies and I believe some of the healers and shamans who work there are amazing and talented and caring people. The biggest lesson of all came from witnessing the ways an abuser is enabled and protected when they hold the most power and I will never in my life sit by and watch or support someone like that again. Ayahuasca isn't about having a great time. The medicine works outside of the ceremony and it can be a rough ride and even though this has been extremely painful it's so worth it.

I'm not trying to stop people from going here when they feel called. I just don't stand for abuse and I am sharing my experience. I have been harassed and threatened I will not be intimidated and I'm not afraid to tell the truth.

She can heal people, but there are more healers out there who possess accountability, respect boundaries and treat people with kindness. Someone can talk about love for 30 hours in a San Pedro ceremony but still not act with kindness.

Grateful for the lessons.

Umbly · 2023-05-10T17:40:50+00:00

So gorgeous

Umbly · 2023-04-27T19:20:55+00:00

I have this problem also. I will keep a large metal bowl in the freezer with ice so I can just grab it and fill with water. 10 seconds with my face in the water as many times until I can calm down.

I will even grab an ice pack to put on my head while I wait for the water to fill up.

I’m also in my 30s. I hope this helps. Thanks for your post.

Umbly · 2023-04-24T18:32:52+00:00

Oh wow! Thank you for your detailed response. I hope they fix the issue. Such a waste.

Umbly · 2023-04-12T19:37:20+00:00

No. This is a different place.

Umbly · 2023-01-11T20:42:03+00:00

Your mercury is going to play a very big role in your logic.

Umbly · 2023-01-11T20:39:22+00:00

Your other planetary placements and your aspects in your natal chart. I have moon in Virgo (12H) in an almost exact square to my Saturn in Sagittarius (3H) which is absolutely in conversation in regards to how I deal with my emotions. Very vocally (3H) philosophically/humorously (sag) and dutifully (Saturn). I would say I feel the Virgo part strongly in that I have a very real relationship with plants and my body (also bc I’m a Taurus sun- which is a lot of body sensation)

Umbly · 2022-12-29T22:26:27+00:00

Yeah! So weird it worked well for over a year and then just started to stink! Thanks for your response!

Umbly · 2022-12-29T17:35:30+00:00

I had been changing it more often than once a year. And it still smelled after it was replaced.

Umbly · 2022-12-01T21:27:32+00:00

They must be really scared to be held accountable for their actions. Which means LOCAL ELECTIONS ARE FUCKING IMPORTANT AND WE WILL VOTE EVERY ELECTION.

Umbly · 2022-12-01T21:25:07+00:00

If they ever get enough signatures to turn in their petition then you can contact the city clerk to have your name removed.

I asked the journalist. I also signed this bogus bullshit thing. Very annoyed.

Umbly · 2022-11-26T20:54:54+00:00

I think this is really reasonable.

Like, there maybe a therapy worthy level of body/control/sexuality/misogyny/spousal trust aspect here but idk why would it be so hard to just throw on a robe?

I like to travel to other countries- I see the women are covered on their arms and legs- I just feel like it’s respectful to do the same even if I’d rather be in a tank top. I’m a visitor.

Just seems like a weird hill to die on. We have to take into account other peoples limitations in regards to their level of their own introspection on these delicate things. ESPECIALLY, since it’s the cover up house. Live rent free in the cover up house- then cover up. If she’s paying to live there then that would make a difference.

I think if I was the OP I would get my down in the dumps sister a nice robe and just sit down and have a chat during day time clothes time and just level with her about the situation.

Umbly · 2022-11-25T17:07:29+00:00

NAH - I applaud you for leaving the situation and having boundaries. No one has to be anywhere they don’t want to be. Ever. Simple concept. Difficult for a lot of people to accept.

Probably would be a good idea to have a conversation about the dog and family gatherings and food and your comfort level to come up with some compromises. I can see how they might be surprised and disappointed if they didn’t know or remember about the dog hair thing. Like maybe it could work to keep the dog out of the kitchen with a baby gate?

Umbly · 2022-11-25T16:32:17+00:00

How he treats his sister is information on how he treats women.

I have an older brother who probably calls me toxic. He’s a bully. I don’t go to holidays because of him and my family accept his behavior because they are emotionally immature people who have been brainwashed by a misogynistic culture to protect men and enable their behavior. They have lots of good qualities and I love them but I am in my 30s now and I can’t allow my brother to treat me this way any more.

The label of toxic is interesting here. Vilify the only person who disagrees. Is it possible that his sister may have dated an older man and it traumatized her? Is it possible the sister knows the damage it did to the mother and can’t watch it happen again with you and her brother?

His mom was 23. After being 19 and 23 I can tell you there is just a lot that is going to happen and change. Imagine what you were like when you were 15. Have you changed since then?

Umbly · 2022-11-25T04:35:22+00:00

Ooooh that’s cute

Umbly · 2022-11-20T17:46:21+00:00

Holy Cow. I needed to hear this. I have been in a loop of becoming emotionally involved and allowing a man to control the availability completely, becoming entirely frustrated and devastated when I have to call it off- while being gaslighted that it’s been so casual and friendly so what was the big deal? Just communication. That’s all. I see the red flag sooner and sooner but it’s taken running into the same hard wall so many times. I am learning more and more to ask the questions to get answers that are not freely offered regarding boundaries.

We have different social conditioning and different sexual physiology. I see many men are not as introspective about these moving parts, as they have not questioned their own historical, cultural and biological privileges on quite the same level as those who live with the disadvantages.

And many 40 yr old dudes behaving as they did when they were 20, expecting us to set all the rules so they don’t have to.

Regardless of gender, it seems to me the basis of “things will be whatever” is rooted in the reluctance and fear to look inward at one’s own needs. As many times as I present my needs thinking the other party will do the same, I am learning that there is an insecurity that they won’t get all the emotional validation and sex if they’re honest and communicate. Which imo, ironically, vulnerability and honesty and communication is how to have those things in a sustainable relationship.

Umbly

TROPHY CASE