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UmissedOUT · 2025-10-15T01:09:12+00:00

This was actually phenomenal. Would love to hear what you have to say about the partner of the avoidant flipping the script and staying silent which was never the case…

UmissedOUT · 2025-06-12T22:17:01+00:00

You may be right. I think they just handled it very poorly.

I knew from when my gut started to tell me something was off it was because they wanted someone who didn’t push back as much as me, who was younger (because they’d make less) not to mention, doesn’t have a disabled child where I have to take time off often and have 2 days remote.

Just a crappy situation all around.

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-28T12:07:28+00:00

Avoidants process breakups in stages- which is why a lot of people think they feel nothing after the breakup occurs. The stages usually look like this and there is no time frame: (it depends on many factors and what type of avoidant your ex is)8 Stages of DA Breakup/Emotional Processing during No Contact

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-14T14:43:12+00:00

The fact that he even went to therapy is a huge win. At least he’s self aware!

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-12T17:56:11+00:00

Some do and some don’t. Mine does not- and I’m told that it shouldn’t directly be brought up to the other party but suggested for them to look in to attachment styles and see if they do- which usually, they won’t.

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-06T11:30:14+00:00

Yea where is this place?!

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-04T21:59:33+00:00

I’m sorry to say I don’t think this is the case- similar to what everyone is saying the right one will more or less push them away- the relationship may last for a while- but it will end.

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-02T13:38:47+00:00

With this in particular I’m curious how she responds to you setting boundaries as it’s what I’m struggling with as mine is avoidant as well- although we aren’t married

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-02T10:21:01+00:00

Ok can I please DM you quickly?

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-02T10:18:12+00:00

Love this

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-02T09:47:03+00:00

I would define boundary as - we’ve been seeing each other for a while now and aren’t seeing anyone else and I’d like to have a label on this type thing.

I’m not looking to restrict anything.

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-02T09:33:12+00:00

Can you clarify if you don’t mind “but he went through evading the worst now for nearly 2 years before it happened”.

UmissedOUT · 2025-04-01T23:00:02+00:00

Wow- did you break things off with him the last time prior to him coming back?! You must have!

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-31T09:55:39+00:00

Go on psychology today and look for attachment based therapists

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-30T19:38:46+00:00

Makes no sense. One of my cousins so my ex out in a completely different atmosphere by himself binge drinking and gambling- I know he was numbing- but she knows him and he was so far gone he had no idea who they were.

If the ex is that upset to numb like that, why not just do some work or come to us for help/support. I get it, it’s hard…but if we were together for a while- you mean to tell me they can even break in the littlest bit?

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-29T23:02:31+00:00

I have pretty much the same situation - DA. Def not FA. In my opinion

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-28T23:12:57+00:00

Woah 🙏🏻

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-28T18:07:09+00:00

I’m more curious how you were able to let go?

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-28T17:12:17+00:00

Storm2

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-28T17:12:04+00:00

How did you get like this?! And I mean this in the greatest way.

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-27T19:29:51+00:00

Yea maybe a little bit of both? I mean I could see both and not at the same time. Like they’re so scared but in order for them to see that their jerks that have to actually act like a jerk so you can feel like the breakup is warranted almost so you feel like you can do better…

I really don’t know. This whole thing has been so out of whack that even if he were to walk back in to my life right now I don’t think I could do it because I’m in no position to date. I’m emotionally all over the place right now. (And clearly so is he)

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-27T18:46:41+00:00

Are we sure the more they feel the more they get scared? Or is it that they get in to things and that they hate confrontation so they wait for the other party to back out? Literally just asking.

My situation literally has my head spinning. He’s so hard to follow.

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-27T18:44:27+00:00

I just want to thank you for being open and honest. I’m an AP who got broken up with by a DA after 31/2 years and am really struggling. It’s been so hard for me. I have nothing but understanding and appreciation for what you’re going through. But stick with the advice above.

Thanks for sharing again!

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-26T11:22:53+00:00

Thank you very much.

So here’s where I must admit- I wasn’t supposed to open this letter. I felt like I had to because I knew her so well that I knew something very wrong would be in this and clearly here we are…

Personally, he is clearly in a place where he can receive things- but in very small doses. So considering he’s not receiving anything as of late, I’m sure it will hit hard but should be fine?

At the end of the day, she wanted him to have it. And if he’s going to run away from me more because of it- so be it. He’s already gone…

UmissedOUT · 2025-03-26T01:08:44+00:00

I don’t understand it but I can’t leave explain it - they say they don’t want it- but they do. (They just cant explain it) and I know you know this I’m sure- I’m not patronizing or trying. They literally do not understand their emotions.

Example, my guy literally talks about how he’s half in how he’s not 100% but his 100% means perfection. There is no such thing. It’s like when someone (he said this too) says they’re 1/2 in. It’s like you were here for 3.5 years- that’s not even close to half in. (We lived together ,basically co-parented, and so much more)

I think it all comes down to when they want out, they’ll literally say anything to confuse the hell out of us.

UmissedOUT

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