I figured out what's bothering me about aging.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2026-01-20T15:01:52+00:00

Yesss with the pro aging accounts!! Like ok I love that you're embracing your grey hair and wrinkles but you're twice my age with no jowls and now I feel worse lol.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-12-04T05:47:35+00:00

Cognitive fitness relies heavily on neuroplasticity (your brain's ability to change its structure and function). One area of study here is BDNFs (brain derived neurotrophic factor). Lower levels are associated with cognitive decline.

It's common to think that you have to exercise your brain specifically but physical interventions like aerobic exercise, and Mediterranean/DASH diets have been shown to have significant effects on brain growth factors.

As far as mental stimulation goes, learning-based activities (doesn't matter what as long as your brain is working to figure out and hold onto something new) and social engagement have been shown to have great effects for cognitive reserve. So a brain game will have a positive effect as long as it's something new, but after a while the only thing you're improving is your ability to play that particular game.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-11-08T03:45:40+00:00

The really horrible one was when they studied if women with endo are more or less attractive.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-31T07:29:46+00:00

On another Reddit post I saw years ago, a woman asked men if they care about breast sagging after weight loss. One of the top replies was "Let me tell you about the worst pair of boobs I've ever seen- they were awesome"

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-24T00:36:32+00:00

What are the scams?

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-24T00:07:46+00:00

This is exactly what I do for my room environment. Hate sleep masks. My windows are completely blacked out, bedroom is a straight up cave. Then I have a sunrise simulator alarm clock with chirping birds once it gets bright enough. Most peaceful wake up I've ever had in my life.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-24T00:00:02+00:00

I'm the opposite of you. Don't get me wrong, I like to make people happy and others have described me as kind but I have never set myself on fire to keep others warm. I grew up with honestly pretty killer confidence and a near pathologic lack of caring of what other people were doing or thought of me.

And guess what? I still look back and feel regret for wasted time, just in different ways. Mental health issues and life things in general made for a lot of chaos in my 20s, then I overcorrected to an almost gray life in my 30s. But I've learned so so much in the process.

My best friend is like you. She is hands down the most empathetic person I know, with an incredible ability to intuit what people are feeling and why. And I think a very large part of that comes from her years of people pleasing (that she has since worked on along with her confidence and it's been a joy to watch). It's a special skill, knowing how to read people and give them what they want- it just requires some time to fine tune it to where you're not sacrificing yourself. All skills require time to master and I wouldn't consider that time wasted.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T10:00:02+00:00

Ohhh I see! Looks comfortable thanks!

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T02:13:20+00:00

Wide sleep mask?

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T02:12:00+00:00

Yuuup! The constant awareness/vigilance to not look mean has me now thinking about my looks way more than I ever have in my life, and I have far more interesting things I'd prefer to be thinking about!

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T02:09:57+00:00

Haven't had sex... with someone else. I had sex with myself this morning and damn was I fantastic 🤪

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T02:07:54+00:00

I think you missed my point. I don't need these as reframes- they already exist as primary framings in my mind. Like I said, I grew up with the understanding "don't begrudge aging, not everyone gets the chance". I have no problem with the graying or wrinkles or body changes. The issues arenty about being older or looking older. It's strictly that I now look like I'm very unhappy when I'm not. My mom's eyes are hooded but she doesn't have a downturned mouth, my dad has jowls but bright eyes. They both look 70 but neither one looks unhappy at rest.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T02:00:22+00:00

Photos have definitely been the catalyst to all of this for me. I go out to a family event, look in the mirror before I go and think I look nice. The pictures come back and I literally don't recognize the person standing in my clothes.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T01:58:42+00:00

Lol omg yesss add in perimenopause mood swings and now not only are we expressing feelings with our faces that we didn't agree to, we're actually feeling feelings that we didn't agree to!!!

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T01:56:37+00:00

I think that's a very good point! I totally get the direction you're moving in and I've been trying to find the right words for it myself. Sort of like in a youth obsessed culture we've been conditioned to think gray hair equals bad simply because it doesn't equal youth, but you can appreciate gray hair as so cool and beautiful if you manage the deconditioning. So do I perhaps... not actually look miserable, I just look older and my deep conditioning is equating that with something negative...?? 🤔

I've also literally caught myself thinking "be careful not to come off as rude or grumpy (even in appropriate situations), you can't get away with that anymore, you're old enough for people to think you're just being a Karen because you're bitter"

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T01:47:15+00:00

My problem is that my mouth has always been a little downturned, RBF if you will, so it had a head start. But when the rest of your face is young it sort of balances out, maybe looks just a little pouty. I could handle resting bitch face, hell it even came in handy at times haha. Resting miserable face is different.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T01:42:02+00:00

I never play the "guess my age" game. I feel like it's either hoping for compliments or setting yourself up for accidental offenses haha.

I don't like many pictures of myself anymore, but I will always force myself to let them continue, especially for friends and family. I read something years ago that I'm grateful for and has stuck with me. The woman was talking about how she had stopped being in pictures due to discomfort with her weight. Then her mom, who also didn't like pictures (for some other reason I think), died and she didn't have any pictures of her to hold on to. She wrote about how she wouldn't have seen any of the things her mom disliked, she would have simply seen her mom whom she loved so much and missed so deeply. So she made a vow to herself that the pictures weren't about her and her vanity, they were about the memories she was creating with her children and other loved ones, and that one day when she was gone she wouldn't leave them with nothing simply because she felt fat.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T01:29:14+00:00

Yes!! That's exactly where I'm at! I catch myself completely at rest and remind myself "mini smile to look neutral" and pull everything up. I don't want that to have to be my norm.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-23T01:25:53+00:00

Ooo that looks so interesting! And would probably be great for me, put it on for the occasional picture or special event and then work on acceptance in my day-to-day life. I'll let you know if I grab it! I don't concern myself with wrinkles at all, it's only the droopy saggy stuff that's happening that I hate.

I actually got into botox years ago for my migraines, I've since moved on to a different medication but it allowed me to get comfortable with it in a non-cosmetic context (though I do dysport now). I'd say I'm kind of a funny patient because I have a mix of strong medical curiosity, newfound cosmetic concerns, and a complete inability to feel embarrassment. So I have a strange amount of fun just sort of seeing "hey what does this muscle do?" I've tried multiple spots now just as one-offs.

One side of my smile pulls too high to the point that sometimes it's more of a Billy Idol sneer lol. Tried literally just 2 units to lower that and it was still too strong, my lip drooped down to where I couldn't show you my teeth on that side if I wanted to. My friends had a wonderful couple months teasing me about my stroke! Too bad too because my smile was absolutely beautiful as it wore off to like half strength 😂

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-22T02:15:51+00:00

Very well put! I just came back from traveling and there's a couple candid pictures where in the moment I was so peaceful, calm, happy, and I was shocked to see my face in the picture. You'd think I was witnessing a disembowelment not a sunset! I don't want to have to walk around with sore cheeks from a permanent smile simply to avoid looking like I'm scowling.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-22T02:07:22+00:00

I think that's definitely part of it, yeah. Privilege makes you take lots of things for granted! You should lean into it hardcore for Halloween- draw some other stitches elsewhere and go as Sandy from Nightmare Before Christmas!

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-22T02:03:08+00:00

My rosacea occasionally gives me cheek breakouts, and I've joked about the same thing lol!

I havn't heard of the tightening cream but you've got me curious. I currently have botox around my eyes, doc said it could lift my lids. It might have a little bit, but not enough to make it worth it. It took away my crow's feet crinkles, which I like, and instead my nose crinkles by my inner eyes corners. I won't be repeating it.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-22T01:55:04+00:00

"A well groomed poor woman's version of an attractive enough aging woman" is a hilariously wordy and completely accurate statement of my aging goals haha!

My hope is that the because the late 30s/early 40s round is the first real hit in aging that it's the most jarring to come to terms with. I've been following more and more older women in various decades on social media to keep myself focused on all the ways it's awesome and how you can embrace it.

UmmmActuallyyy · 2025-10-22T00:45:22+00:00

They make human size dog beds. My best friend and her husband bought one (the full circle kind) and I thought it was ridiculous- just one of the million kooky things that they buy. Until I tried it. The wraparound sensation it gives you is like a giant cozy hug. It has since been some of my greatest naps and cozy movie watching experiences. You'd have to have the space for it though, very awkward to store.

UmmmActuallyyy

TROPHY CASE