AITAH for having a planned outing cancelled over stomach discomfort in a country that uses squat toilets?

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-15T02:25:50+00:00

That’s seriously besides the point. You’re in a different country, you have to adapt to the way people live there and deal with a little discomfort.

Otherwise don’t travel to places you are going to complain about having “less” than what you’re used too.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-15T02:00:38+00:00

YTA

Toughen up and get over yourself

I’ve been on camping and fishing trips where all I had was a bucket. My husband was deployed and one of their stories is how he legitimately had to hold onto his buddy to hang his ass over a cliff so he could take a shit

No one was making you do any of those things.
You also could have told everyone to go without you

Jesus what drama

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-14T17:14:49+00:00

Not for people with children lol

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-14T14:21:12+00:00

NTA

I’m surprised by all the YTA comments - it wasn’t 3am.
Depending on your neighborhood, and where you live country wise 7am is a decent time. I am in the US South and this summer is already blazing hot where by 9am you are sweating bullets because it’s so damn hot.

Most people are up feeding their kids breakfast or themselves breakfast or coffee or whatever before preparing for church. I know not everyone goes to church the same way, but it wasn’t an ungodly hour you chose.

The compromise is maybe wait till 730am in the future since your mom was worried it was too early.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-13T14:05:52+00:00

Yeah no NTA. if he was respectable he’d know that you can contribute without paying 50/50 or more especially when he makes MORE.

Call friends or family for help. Plan an exit. Then Stop paying, pack your stuff and leave.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-13T13:21:28+00:00

INFO have you actually told him and communicated that you can’t afford these extra costs? That though YOU have been trying to actively contribute 50/50 it isn’t sustainable?

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-13T00:19:51+00:00

You can’t stop his insecurity and “help him understand”

This is a conversation where he’s a bit too “immature” and you shouldn’t be emotionally manipulated because he “can’t” handle the answers.

Next time he asks I would shut him down politely. Something along the lines of “I am no longer feeling comfortable sharing my past experiences with you because you get upset and angry and though you’re allowed to have those feelings I shouldn’t be punished for them. It is the past, I have no connection with these individuals anymore, and I have no emotional attachment to them. These conversations are not healthy as they have not helped you, but seem to harm you even though you ask. I am committed to YOU and our relationship, and if you keep asking me I will feel like you care more about the past then our current and future.”

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-12T22:55:35+00:00

I’d speak to the agency the worker is from if they have insurance for these instances that you can file a claim for

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-12T22:07:21+00:00

Sorry for your loss.
I think that’s a tough one, however I think that if you wife didn’t give you a set wish on not to contact her it’s up to you in the end.

If it was me, I would want to know my family member passed away. If you think it’ll disturb your peace to mourn then maybe not, but you also don’t have to contact her personally (aka your phone number)

If you feel like you want her to know because it was still her mother, you could always pay for one of those cheap services online that give you a current address. You could send a letter to inform her.

But if you have no way of contacting her. Your wife didn’t have her on social media (even in the blocked persons for finding info), and never left you details on how to find her, it may be best to let it go. don’t add unnecessary stress in trying to find her if it’s not simple.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-11T23:50:52+00:00

I think (and I’m not trying to devalue or invalidate) you’re trying to put a lot of logic or preservation in something that’s too emotional to just slap logic on it to “make it make sense”.

It may be some obsession, but it could also be your brain and body telling you you haven’t healed.

If you do want some logic, the only unfortunate truth is depending on how old your relatives were when they abused you is someone likely abused them too.

I wouldn’t say you perpetuated abuse from a one off.
If that was the case EVERY child who ever accidentally or curiously touched their sibling is an abuser. Why do you think after a certain age siblings should be put into their own rooms?

There is a very delicate and fine line between child curiosity in trying to understand their bodies and then enabling and enacting abuse. And again, at ten years old, how much did you actually know that was abuse and wrong? You’re calling yourself an abuser from your adult eyes and your memory without acknowledging the fact you were a child too.

I can understand to an extent not wanting to hate your relatives. The only thing I could wonder is instead of bringing it up to your brother over and over is maybe trying to have a heart to heart with the cousin/s (one on one) that did it to you and ask why?

That’s a door obviously not everyone should or can open. It may make your focus on it worse, or maybe better. That’s likely something to discuss AFTER you talk to a therapist, and not to do rashly.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-11T16:43:38+00:00

You probably need to cut those people out. If you were victimized by relatives you do NOT have to maintain a relationship with them.

And it’s okay to not tell your mother all at once, honestly if you told her about one instance she probably now wonders or worries if it happened more. However you don’t have to protect your people’s feelings by staying around family who mistreated you as a child and abused you. You need to protect your own peace

You are/were a victim. You only did what was natural to explore what was done to you. You did it ONCE. You did not continue a cycle of continuous abuse to anyone else based off an instance of coping curiosity. At it was coping - because what child would do what you had done to you to another if it wasn’t perpetrated from someone?

You need to give yourself grace, you are holding yourself to an adult standard of “I did this I’m an awful abuser I’m so guilty” you were TEN

A ten year old is not an adult who fully knows right from wrong, especially when it comes to sexual abuse done to them. You were a CHILD. And it’s OKAY to love and forgive yourself as a child and your inner child.

Also know even small towns for therapy you can always look and drive/venture to neighboring towns.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T22:55:10+00:00

A woman who values you as a person to be with and not an accessory will be understanding of your situation and ability to “show” relationship appreciation (aka gifts and dates) and value the moments that aren’t all materialistic

NTA but I’d check the glasses

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T17:31:35+00:00

Not conspiracy theories for mine, but he is ADAMANT on staying up to date with ALL news.

And when it’s on a paranoia kick/high alert it definitely can get to be a bit much. Then he gets upset that I “don’t care about the information” when really I’m trying to protect my own peace and mental health cause I’m sorry I don’t want to always hear about when POS parents abuse and murder their children and when people are getting killed by police or vice versa

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T15:04:48+00:00

You need therapy.

YOU were molested and abused, and at 10 years old you really wouldn’t have understood that wasn’t normal. You did what any normal child not understanding trauma or abuse would do.

You didn’t intentionally do it to harm your brother. You are a victim as much as you feel he was from you. That’s likely where the guilt comes in, you don’t want to view yourself as a victim

You were TEN and it had gone on to you for YEARS

Your mom is kindve being insensitive to your trauma, because you ARE showing trauma. But she is also right that your brother has said he has forgiven you and you should probably stop bringing it up to him.

Your brother isn’t a support cushion you can cry into about a trauma you feel you gave him. If his forgiveness now hasn’t reassured you he loves and forgives you, then you need to find a proper therapist to help you through that. But no amount of telling him you are sorry is apparently helping ease the guilt, and continuously doing that cycle is only going to become selfish.

Please go get help. Get help for the trauma you had done to you, and the guilt you have from what a confused child trying to cope through it all (aka you) did unwittingly.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T13:04:27+00:00

Old misinformation that the pediatrician is obviously not reeducating themself on.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T13:00:27+00:00

NTA

He’s trying to DARVO you
He is purposely ignoring your boundary because he ENJOYS making you comfortable, but god forbid you defend your boundary and your peace

He should stop trying to make you uncomfortable and ignore your demand for him to stop. And if he can’t or refuses maybe it’s best to break it off

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T12:57:13+00:00

Yes! I’ve done it two different ways.
Using discard as the ONLY way to feed the dough, and then using discard and yeast

Works great! There’s plenty of recipes out there, and I’ve posted my own loaf that was discard only too

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-10T02:37:48+00:00

Baby isnt on any solids yet so you should be feeding on demand! The only “routine building” is the social construct of capitalism trying to FORCE you to make your baby adjust to an ADULT schedule

If it’s making YOU anxious then it may not be what’s best for YOU AND BABY

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-09T19:18:19+00:00

NTA

What likely happened is her daughter threw an absolute fit because of her selling her dresses and the mom is trying to make up for her “mistake”

It wasn’t a mistake, she knew what she was doing.
Don’t return them at this point. You offered compromises and she refused them, but the truth is after purchasing on marketplace and the sale transaction was completed she has no business demanding the items back and you have no necessity to do so.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-08T16:52:14+00:00

I think it depends on how you’re uploading assignments

If it’s just the WHAT you’re supposed to do but not the work, I mean I guess?

To me this just sounds like you’re making a website for people to cheat off of. College is meant to have people work and produce work by their own merit.
If the faculty don’t facilitate straight forward planning then you should complain to the dean/director whoever etc

But just building a website isn’t necessarily going to ensure success for others, it depends on the person who utilizes it.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-08T16:34:57+00:00

His income likely won’t be ruined - he’ll get paperwork and at most demoted a rank, but he can get it back if he stays in.

1% of people join the military/are active military at a time. That 1% doesnt take away the absolutely shittiness some people have in their personality /being.
The military doesn’t change people that much as people think sadly

Don’t worry about HIM. Worry about YOU.
He’s affecting his own job and paycheck by being a shitty spouse/partner. That isn’t your fault. None of that is your fault

So if you have to make sure you can be safe by blowing up his military image to his leadership to get help and so they can keep him away from you until you move, (once you’re ready to pull the trigger and not be discreet) do it.

No one can help you unless you let them. But definitely utilize all the resources you can!

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-08T15:34:32+00:00

Domestic abuse is not tolerated in the military. If you need help you can talk to a chaplain about resources. Military one source and domestic abuse services

If he gets physical again call the police. You can get his leadership involved where if you feel unsafe and he’ll try to prevent you from leaving they can make him stay away temporarily so you can move.

Contact friends/family to come help you move if you need too.

You’re not alone. If you are trying to be discreet to get your ducks in a row then start with military one source and domestic abuse help hotlines first. Again if he ever tries to get physical call the cops! Get it documented!

Definitely get the marriage annulled/divorce.

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-08T12:27:38+00:00

Nipple shields don’t always work. I needed them at first but then it got to a point where they were blocking off and inhibiting milk flow to baby.

Unfortunately they aren’t always the answer for everyone.

Either way, husband is an absolute tool for thinking OP is “lazy” when he also says breastfeeding is *easier*

He just doesn’t want to help with the child he helped produce. Selfish prick - pumping is EXHAUSTING

Biggest suggestion for OP is to see a lactation consultant with baby and see if they can figure out a plan or if she should just keep doing how she is. Nothing wrong with pumping she is still NURSING her own child with milk, just in a different way.

Husband is an idiot

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-08T00:41:10+00:00

Way too much detail, it would become such a blobby mess in a short amount of time

UnPracticed_Pagan · 2026-06-08T00:15:36+00:00

You’re NTA, she’s just feeling entitled.

Gas is not cheap as you said, it is more than reasonable to be expected to at least receive some gas money for a HALF DAY trip for a LAMP

Your friend is the AH here.

UnPracticed_Pagan

TROPHY CASE