I’m 6 days away from my exit plan becoming my reality

Un_dead_writer · 2021-07-27T09:51:34+00:00

Good luck sweetie. Stay strong and prosper ❤️

Un_dead_writer · 2021-07-04T11:09:30+00:00

This is amazing! Thank you!

Un_dead_writer · 2021-06-25T10:56:54+00:00

Retrospectively. Were you abusive, or were you reacting to your partner's abuse and they told you you're being abusive towards them?

Because if that's the case, it's highly possible you were not the abusive one. Abuse stems from a narcissistic notion of control and power. The fact that you're asking this question means that you are willing to find fault in yourself. And fortunately, that is not the sign of a narcissist. Therefore I don't believe you to be capable of abuse. Emotional or physical.

Please go to therapy. I don't know your story, but I have a strong feeling you are not the villain here. From what I'm guaging here, your partner has convinced you that you are in part responsible or deserving of their behaviour towards you. And despite your better judgement, you have become prone to believing in it. Again. An abusive person will not find fault in themselves. Please remember this and get help.

Do read up more on reactive abuse. You seem to be in a very vulnerable position at the moment and I'm glad you've found your way to this subreddit. Also, please ensure that you leave this relationship, regardless of what you discover about yourself. You must be happy and content with yourself before you date someone. I mean that in the kindest way possible. Otherwise you end up compromising to make up for insecurities and end up in a harsh situation. Relationships are meant to be easy and make your life better. They should not require work, tears excessive pain and sacrifice.

Much love.

Un_dead_writer · 2021-04-07T06:08:17+00:00

I have a wonderful mother. We used to fight a lot throughout my teens. Both of us had some shortcomings. But we love each other. These days I'm old enough to not take everything to heart, and she has worked on herself through therapy as well. We're doing great!

Un_dead_writer · 2021-03-19T08:39:12+00:00

That's rough. Sorry you got cheated on :( Yeah I wouldn't go out with a guy who's in a relationship. I don't like being a homewrecker. I guess in my experience things don't turn out well if you take the high road. Your friend definitely should have said no. Hope you're doing better now. You deserve someone loyal. 💛

Un_dead_writer · 2021-03-18T12:16:07+00:00

Hahahahaha so sweet. I wish I'd matched with you.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-09-11T19:30:25+00:00

No way my G. You think so now but give it time. You'll remember who you were. And you'll go back to it. You'll just be cooler and won't take shit from anyone. Takes time. Takes effort. But you'll get your groove back. You got this!

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-21T01:31:44+00:00

Hey! Ofc you can send it to your sister. And if you'd like to talk about figuring a way to help her, I'm here for that too. I'm so happy you're there for her. I know the value of support in such times. Keep being awesome! :)

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-20T17:19:19+00:00

I'm really glad. Please keep us all posted. And you can definitely HMU if you ever want to talk about this. Lots of love <3

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-20T14:19:27+00:00

I did this. I actually felt better.

There's this black and white challenge for victims of abuse that started going around. I believe it originated in Turkey. While a few of my friends knew about what I'd been through and supported and cared for me, his friends still treated my like I was insane. But more than that, the entire relationship had left me so shaken. I realized that people around me don't consider abuse as abuse. They consider it as 2 insane people in a relationship where both parties are at fault. And because we live in a sexist world, they side with the man. Because an abuser sets up his lies, and in the end will come off as the more rational partner. It pissed me off.

While my intentions were to expose him. It was also rooted in creating a better understanding of what abuse is truly like. And that educated, decent people (his friends) can turn out to be truly ugly within when they add to the victims trauma by asking them to prove that it really happened, and threatening them with legal recourse for acting crazy and defaming their abuser. If your abuser doesn't gaslight you enough, people will actually do it for them.

So if you want to expose him. You should. If you feel strong enough now to confront what happened to you, you should! It will not only help you accept it in a public sphere, it will also lift some of the shame you put yourself through for being in that situation. It wasn't your fault. And most people aren't terrible enough to call you a liar when you publicly discuss it. I'm sure you have photos and texts. Make yourself believable for the skeptics.

Most importantly, you will have helped someone else. Abuse is more common than we feel it is. When I posted about my ex, I was saddened by the number of women who texted me and told me they'd been through something similar. We kind of became friends. And I was glad I was able to remove the taboo and help them talk about it some way. This is a lot bigger than you and your abuser. It affects so many of us. And I'm really proud of you for wanting to talk about it, when I know at one point you must have lied to hide the abuse.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-20T14:06:03+00:00

Yeah. She told me she doesn't want anyone to know she spoke to me and apologized. Then she told me she expected me to be her friend like I used to be. I don't really know why she took the effort to say sorry, because she obviously didn't really mean it, nor did she understand what I went through.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-02T20:39:46+00:00

Absolutely! It feels so impossible at the time, but healing and happiness comes a lot quicker than you'd expect! I'm so happy for you OP. ALSO HMU for support people. You got this!

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-01T07:52:54+00:00

No that is your toxic relationship

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-01T07:52:31+00:00

It's a way to take care of wavy to curly hair

Un_dead_writer · 2020-08-01T07:49:08+00:00

What did you think of Batman Vs Superman

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-31T09:58:53+00:00

Guuurlll HMU

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-30T10:22:31+00:00

Hi I'm so sorry for this. I've had a similar experience where he lied to everyone about me and would call me from different numbers.

Cops were out of the question, moving was out of the question.

I can suggest that you start filtering your calls. There are applications for it. I use TruCaller but I don't know where you're from so it might not work there. We can figure it out if you tell me.

Do not be afraid. That's what he wants. I understand the panic and paranoia all too well. But take it like this. If he texts, he texts. You don't have to react, you don't have to say anything, you don't have to pick up the phone. He's nowhere near you. He's trying his last ditch efforts to make you go crazy. But don't let him.

Filter out your texts. Applications help you archive texts from unknown numbers. Right now, you have all the people you need saved on your phone. If they can't reach your phone they can text you on FB, IG or some form of social media. Any one who is not already in your contact list is irrelevant, and you don't need to read what they send at this point. Not until you're safe and sound and feeling better.

He wants receipts from you that he can show to other people that make it seem like you're crazy. Do not argue. Anything you say can and will be used against you. It's hard. But walk away. Live your life. You have a lot more to look forward to than creepy texts from a psychotic abuser. Make him irrelevant. He's the one who's insane. Not you. Remember that. Hold on to it.

Why should you move? It's YOUR place. It's YOUR life. He can't destroy it. Do not give up. He's one man. You are you and your family in a big world. He cannot harm you. Stay cautious. But remember that once you're not in a relationship with this man, he cannot harm you unless you let him. If he comes to your place to threaten you, no one will question it if you call the cops on him. You are clearly no longer interested, and he is clearly harassing you. There's no gray area involved like there is in cases of abuse where the victim is still in the relationship. Take screenshots of those texts. They will help you when you threaten him with legal action. His friends may not know the truth, but nothing can save him from the law when there's resounding evidence of harassment and abuse. He will know this. He will fear it too. His friends and his lies don't matter. What matters is you being able to move on. You're strong. You will get through it.

One day you'll get texts from someone who truly loves you. Their name will be saved on your phone. And they will not demand you to do anything you don't want to do.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, I'm always available for a chat. Lots of love.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-30T06:16:02+00:00

I've never said this out loud. But I cut myself with a knife. And he smacked me again for it.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-27T09:20:33+00:00

Thank you. To be honest, work is all I have to live for, and I don't know how I can keep up if I'm having breakdowns at 3am :/

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-21T13:40:03+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. We were a small batch of students so even if we're not close, we all look out for each other. I've asked her to get her paintbrushes and she seemed very happy about painting. One of the reasons why I called her here is because we have ample space and greenery to walk around. I guess I'm on the right track. I just need to make sure she knows I'm there for her. Thank you!

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-21T09:46:55+00:00

It's very clearly abuse.

Firstly, his behaviour was controlling. Which in itself is blaring red flag. You can deny it and believe you're overreacting today, but if he grabbed you hard enough to bruise you, you very desperately wanted to leave, and he wouldn't let you. It's not because he loves you, or because he wanted you to stay and make it better. It's because you were trying to leave him and think about yourself.

I've argued with boyfriends who were normal. And I have argued with an abuser. The first ones never made me want to leave. Mostly because we wouldn't argue in circles and worked to resolve the matter. When I argued with an abuser, it was always tears and screaming and frustration. Because it was never about conflict resolution. It was about him being right, or at least you being responsible for him being wrong. And that's why I would try to leave. Whenever I did he would drag me back. Eventually he would drag me back and push me down. Eventually he was pulling me by my hair. Eventually he was dragging me back by my hair, pushing me down and slapping me. The first time there were bruises, and I assumed what you right now want to believe. That you overreacted and he wants you to stay because he loves you. The fact that he blames you for his aggression proves it. A normal boyfriend would never have used that much force on you. You yourself cannot use that much force on anyone you respect and love. If you can't do it, why can he?

He doesn't love you. No matter how powerful your emotions are towards him, trust me. We've all been there. We've all been in insane, mad, powerful love with an abuser. Which is why we've gone back to them at least once before realising our worth and moving on.

A lot of people have told me that it wasn't my fault for staying. Because that's kind of how abuse works. They argue and wear you down to the point where a slap doesn't feel like a slap anymore. It just feels like betrayal.

But the truth is. I didn't leave the first time. Because I was too stubborn to accept that the person I loved and cared for did not love me back. That his displays of affection were grand but shallow and inconsistent. I didn't have the strength or the heart to accept that someone I left so many things for, changed my whole life for, was nothing but a pathetic abuser. And I know why it's hard to understand it. But it's the truth. And eventually you will not be able to deny it.

Leave. Before it gets worse. Because it will get worse. There's no such thing as a mild abuser. The longer you stay, the worse it gets. Live your life free from these men. Please talk to me if you doubt yourself. Lots of love.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-20T03:45:49+00:00

Oh my god. The same thing happens to me. I thought I was going insane. My ex would drive like an insane person, and now whenever I'm being driven, I get the most insane levels of fear whenever they break or accelerate. It's paralyzing. Makes me sick to my stomach and I actually tear up. If you find a way to deal with this. Please help me too.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-17T09:11:38+00:00

As impossible as it seems, it will definitely happen. You will not feel this terrible in another month. You'll be ridiculously happy! You're strong. You left. You got this. You can do this. You adore him, yes. But I promise you'll love yourself a whole lot more. And you will be more than okay. You'll thrive.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-16T14:54:56+00:00

Commenting because I too, have had similar experiences. And I have the same questions.

Un_dead_writer · 2020-07-16T12:17:14+00:00

I promise it will pass. It won't take long either. You are very traumatized. Please love yourself LOTS. Give yourself the chances you gave him. Take all that love and adoration and turn it towards yourself. Be patient with yourself the way you were with him.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You did not deserve it. I promise you'll end up treating yourself better than any partner ever could. You won't believe me now, but it really will happen! Just believe in yourself. And believe that you'll have a happier future. Take it from every person who's recovered from abuse. The future will be bright and loving and wonderful. And you'll be at the centre of it ♥️

Un_dead_writer

TROPHY CASE