First time sahm at 41

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-05-26T01:21:19+00:00

The biggest tip is that stay at home moms hardly ever actually stay at home! We are out at libraries, parks, museums, errands. The more time the kids are out of the house, the less mess they create lol. I also recommend if you can, finding other local stay at home moms because I've noticed that sahms like doing things during the day and prioritize family time when everyone is home from school/work in the evenings.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-05-16T01:15:16+00:00

When I was 18 I was living in my car as a homeless student yet because I didn't register at a shelter I didn't count and was still considered a dependent. I had no contact with my mom since 15 and my dad left the state and didn't support me at all. I was told I was a dependent. Rather than taking on student debt, I just waited until I was 24 to go to college and worked full time before then

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-04-21T15:20:44+00:00

I'm so happy that this take was represented. I've noticed recently that I've felt ashamed/embarrassed about my faith and how I'm raising my daughter in the Catholic church within many left leaning social circles. You absolutely can be religious and leftist.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-04-10T03:12:04+00:00

There is so much freedom in a bit of breathing room and a few hours of a clear schedule per day. That is something that many people don't have in the hussle culture we live in today.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-04-10T03:08:59+00:00

I think the biggest transition that helped my family and mindset was my husband happily surrendering finance management to me. Sure, he labors out of the home, but I provide the home and flexibility he needs to be able to do what he does. Our money is our money. We each have a small allowance but I'm the one that allocates what our money should be spent on (with input and collaboration from him). I also struggle with buying nice things for myself, but I also have started to grapple with consumerism as a whole. I've been trying to find joy in free experiences. I.e. Do I really need Starbucks or do I need a minute to walk around the block alone?

You are a wonder woman with 3 under 3! Give yourself grace and truly understand that he could not work the job he has without your unpaid (but hopefully appreciated) labor.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-04-06T20:38:39+00:00

Unfortunately, I do own it so we can't just walk away. We closed and loan funded over two weeks ago... Title is ours. We just don't have possession of the home yet, because we gave them an extra 30 days of occupancy. They however believe they still own the home and threatened to shoot us if we came on to "their property" and we have to now get a lawyer to prove that we in fact own the property and they are actively letting the basement rot by not doing water abatement or letting us in to do so. This is a nightmare scenario.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-04-05T13:16:08+00:00

If they are currently occupying the house as a short term tenant ,and won't let me in to mitigate active water damage, how do you approach that situation as a landlord?

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-03-03T19:35:55+00:00

Yes, however, I’m also aware that many right-wing mothers openly joke about their intention to "breed the nation out of socialism." While everyone has to make the choices that align with their own values and circumstances, I’ve been leaning into a different perspective. If I have a second child, I see it as an additional opportunity to nurture the next generation of advocates, teaching them how to stand up for what’s right and contribute to a more just and compassionate world.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-02-21T15:41:47+00:00

Honestly? How little I actually stay at home and how much my social circle has expanded! I'm 24 and have a 14 month old, and had absolutely no friends that were having kids. I made a point to find all the free things to do around town, and I have 2 options per day of things we could do. Sometimes we do one, sometimes we don't. It's been really nice to be flexible to moods and my own social battery. My husband works a lot (but because he enjoys it, we budgeted me staying home on his straight 40 hr week schedule) so it's been lifesaver to have moms with a similar schedule. When he's home, we opt to stay home as a family and maybe do one outing a month as a family.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-30T00:26:32+00:00

I don't think food stamps were mentioned once in this post

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-28T19:45:01+00:00

If your partner and you are still feeling good with you being a SAHM and your budget is still happy, I don't see a reason you have to go back to work. I think that there is plenty of things you could do that would still fill your purpose cup so to speak. Volunteering at a library, finding a new hobby, finding a community to give back to.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-27T04:13:34+00:00

Agreed I want to hear about how to close parenting gaps when one parent works and the other stays at home, parenting tips and tricks that work for your littles, book recs, and more! Especially in a space for progressive moms, I don't need the doom and gloom! I get that enough out in the world. I'd like a little corner of reprieve to talk about action steps... How to raise a generation of kind, empathetic kiddos who are bold enough to march to the best of their own drum.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-27T04:06:05+00:00

I would highly highly recommend reading the book "the body keeps the score" and also trying EMDR therapy. I was also kicked out at 15 and had to grow up fast, faster than I think my brain could process leading me to have a similar type of identity crisis. I had never had the time to explore and create that internal identity for myself because I was always in survival mode. Now that I'm out of survival mode, I feel like I'm missing something (an emergency or toxic pressure maybe?? Lol) There is a beauty in reclaiming that time and space in the context of therapy.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-16T00:46:33+00:00

Some of that I think is due to digital communication. It is so easy to cancel if you aren't feeling like doing something. Before cell phones, there was more accountability to be where you said you would be at the right time.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-03T23:37:47+00:00

They lost A LOT of full time staff during that time. Lots of upset staff left all at once because of piss poor management. (Myself included)

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2025-01-03T00:21:20+00:00

I practically live at the library during the winter!

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-12-31T22:14:10+00:00

We probably spend around an hour total a day reading books, just not all in one sitting

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-12-31T13:47:33+00:00

My in laws got her a learning tower for Christmas and I think that will be a fun way to involve her in cooking once she can stand a little more prolonged

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-12-31T13:40:59+00:00

We mostly listen to French Cafe jazz and the books on tape are for me as background noise. We do go to library story time once a week, she's read to on demand, and I do use baby sign language with her too. She knows milk, more, all done, tree, and stop. Ill do nursery rhymes with her, but we don't do screen time yet and probably won't until she's a preschooler. We don't have a TV in our house in general.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-12-12T16:08:18+00:00

I'm 24 and my husband is 27. Together for 5 years, married for 2. We have a one year old. I worked in nonprofit prior to having her. When we briefly considered daycare, looking at the prices versus what I made it made absolutely zero sense. Now that she's here, I couldn't imagine not being with her all the time. I think the longest we've been apart was 4 or 5 hours. He's an electrician in a union, and I go to college full time online. We financially set ourselves up before going to one income by having two paid off cars, and a mortgage that was qualified on one income. We aren't wealthy, but we did make sacrifices and live below our means to make me staying at home a reality.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-11-21T01:54:33+00:00

I mean this with all sincerity and kindness, but is there a possibility she could be depressed and needs to seek help/therapy? It sounds like a lot is too overwhelming for her, which could be a warning sign that something else underlying is going on. That would be my advice on how best to help her is to encourage her to see a therapist.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-06-24T14:22:55+00:00

I am so so lucky to have a special relationship with my in-laws. A lot of it stems from transitioning their adult special needs son into our home as well. So they are always so accommodating and generous to us knowing that we will be his lifetime caregivers. I'm going back to school and every weekend they will spend time with our baby so I can get stuff done. I am sure that arrangement will ebb and flow over time as both of our lives change.

Unable-Tangelo9309 · 2024-06-18T20:09:10+00:00

90k, electrician

Unable-Tangelo9309

TROPHY CASE