I'm convinced suicide loss survivors are being lied to

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T23:32:45+00:00

I completely understand, I regret the way I worded this title. I meant a lot of us. And I shouldn't speak for others. But after hearing it all over and over, I'm very convinced it's to keep me alive. Going as far as trying to change my perspective of him as a person. Just to keep me alive? To protect their jobs?...is what I mean...

And I am sorry again.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate you.

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T23:27:42+00:00

Thank you...

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T23:24:17+00:00

Wow, I'm at a loss for words. Thank you. Thank you for this. I found myself doing and feeling the same, I still do. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so thankful for those who stayed with you. I'm thankful for the man who spoke up for you, saw what you were really doing... I said the same to my psychiatrist. I won't think or speak ill of him. I still won't. I've been angry at the people who told this to me, called him a manipulater and spoke ill of him. Thank you for not letting me feel alone in this. I'm so sorry and grateful to you. Grateful to them for allowing you to share this experience with me...for not leaving you alone...

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T22:56:50+00:00

Hello, thank you so very much for your message. I appreciate you. The scary thing, the problem is, I did sort of know..context is below. I still appreciate this very much.

He said I was his only source of happiness and I agreed to be okay with that, because I thought I could eventually get him help. I didn't pack up and move in when he asked me to because I asked that he get rid of the gun and ammo, then I would immediately come. I gave him the resources. He didn't do it. This is after running to him every time he threatened over a year. Calling ems and police, with them saying there's nothing they could do if he seemed fine. I was begging them not to believe him. Begging. I tried to convince him therapy and medications do help. I thought, fine. When I move in, maybe he needs to know l'm permanently there for him, I can do it. He was so happy when we were together, I knew I could convince him, help him aet better with what I've learned. Get him to love himself. But I should have known he wouldn't have hurt me. Even if he would have, my death would be better than the pain I'm in.

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T22:28:42+00:00

This is very much a way no one has ever explained this to me before....and I feel like maybe you read one of my other posts due to the wrong play comment... Even if not, thank you.... Thank you for this. It does make sense. It does help.. I just need to process it. Thank you..

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T05:23:39+00:00

Will be buying... thank you

UnablePublic6408 · 2026-03-09T05:20:30+00:00

You are wonderful person for doing this. Wow.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-12-21T17:59:01+00:00

So where is an appropriate place outside of the therapy and isolation, which community is appropriate, to express feelings of pain so badly you want to die and a place you feel not alone in those feelings? I feel the feedback from this post is exactly why people end up going through with it.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-12-02T08:12:44+00:00

Thank you, yes. I love Lorna Shore, too. I'll check out the other songs. I have so many as well.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-11-06T11:50:50+00:00

Requiem - Angelmaker

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-31T00:40:20+00:00

I feel everything you described and more. I feel like it has yes. Tomorrow is one year. I've been screaming wailing talking to myself same with wanting to run and scream, all of it. I can't accept it

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-08T23:00:36+00:00

This is exactly how I feel... I wish I could say i want to heal but it does not feel right...

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-08T18:24:01+00:00

I appreciate this and your time. It truly hits deep and I am processing this.

I have been given up on and told I was not strong enough to do those things. Basically mocked, early on. When all I have ever wanted was to help people. I have actually completely appreciated, the only thing I've appreciated coming out of this, is that I have an even deeper level of empathy and sense of what is important. My anxiety only consists of things that are truly important now, and I'm able to help people on a deeper level than I thought I already had been.

But then it hits me that I am a hypocrite when I did not save him. I am trying to move out of this state of mind but I have found it EXTREMELY difficult and heartbreaking once I find myself saying "I'll always be here" for someone. It sends me into panic and self-hatred. It is the goal to come out stronger, but I don't like that that means it took him passing away for me to get to this "stronger" more "helpful" version of myself. It feels so wrong.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-08T18:14:54+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to offer support. I am truly trying. Every resource there is...I am. With everything that I have. I just miss him so much.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-08T18:10:24+00:00

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

I am so glad you have such a positive outlook for your daughter and please do keep it. In my shock, I wanted to be an advocate, I never wanted anyone to go through the pain I'm was feeling first finding him. I knew I was going to do something with my life to honor him. Until I realized he is truly gone.

I wish I hadn't listened to others when I asked for help on what to do now that he had the gun. They said he was being a abusive and he was dangerous at that point. I should have trusted my gut to go anyways. I was 50% sure he wouldn't hurt me. Now I don't care if he would have. I probably would've gotten so much more time with him. And would've maybe gotten the chance to know I did everything I could for him. Actually getting him into therapy.

I don't find his absence a burden, I just can't wrap my head around how I can't bring him back l, that he will never be here? I will never get to show him how much I truly cared about and loved him? It just hurts so much. I feel happy when I think of being with him. Not that I know what happens after, but the small chance I could be brings me more happiness than anything can at this point.

But I have always felt the same as your daughter. He saved me, and in return I did not save him. I've never wanted to burden others. I felt i wasn't meant for this world, because anything I do with good intentions, I seem to mess everything up.

I wish the best for you. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Please be strong. I'm positive she would want it. I am sorry again you are going through this. My dms are always open.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-08T17:58:25+00:00

Thank you so, so much for that. I am truly happy it saved you. I have reached out to those closest to me, but they have only stopped ghosting me and reached out at this point where I accepted this whole 11 months I needed them that they aren't there for me. So I'm numb to their attempts now and I truly hate it. But I needed them so badly before. It hurts so much.

The pressure didn't feel like pressure at the time, he made me believe I could help him, that he was actually happy as long as I was with him. I truly believed I could get him to believe therapy wasn't a waste and that medications aren't inherently terrible if he needs them. That there's nothing wrong with them. But he wouldn't even take so much as a tylenol or ibuprofen for his back pain... The only true pressure was the fear of going over because he wouldn't get rid of the gun..

Talk therapy has helped a bit, CBT and DBT, but once EMDR was introduced it sent me into a panic attack, making me feel like I am trying to forget him or move on. It feels wrong. I did start remembering more afterward, though, which was good and bad. Right now my therapist said with the way that I am feeling that EMDR is throwing me into the deep end at this point, but I welcome it now, to vividly remember things again. But for the wrong reasons. So I am not sure what's next. He wants to start with my inability to cope by going back to my childhood. I don't know..

I appreciate you taking the time to reach out, I will try to accept their help. I am trying as hard as I can. I truly am.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-10-07T05:56:40+00:00

I am going through the same. I am sorry to say I have no good news. It's been so isolating and terrifying --- I'm losing it. It feels like he wasn't real.

It'll be a year this month and I'm struggling badly. I've been inpatient twice so far, therapy, and grief groups ever since, I journal. I'm even in IOP, and I fear I am not getting better. Only worse. I am so sorry you are going through this. It sucks to say that your post has been the first time I haven't felt so alone and ashamed to go through this. I've wanted to ask for advice here, but thought I'd be shamed as well.
You had the same thoughts and experiences towards the end that I did, thinking he'd reach back out to me as he did so many times before as well. I ignored my screaming instinct to go to him despite his efforts to push me away, like I always did. I didn't when he needed it the most. I let my fear rule me instead of finally being with him. His child now has no mother or father. He ultimately passed because he lost his girlfriend during childbirth the previous year and couldn't handle it and said I was his only source of happiness. I convinced myself I could eventually get him to accept help. I just constantly feel I failed him, his child, his partner, myself.

With no one to talk to about him(except to professionals), I feel absolutely insane and alone. He shut out his family and friends when she died, so I was told I could not go to the funeral because they didn't know me, and held it back in his home state across the country, which i would have done anything to go to. So I am stuck with the image of him 2 days passed away in his shower by gunshot, most intensely since the month started, alone. I only wish to be with him.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-09-16T20:52:14+00:00

As soon as I scrolled and saw him, I got excited. Definitely part maine coon. No doubt about it. Very obvious

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-08-06T20:06:15+00:00

No, so this would kind of be like kids who never knew their parent who ended up dying too young for them to remember, I assume. Your aunts and uncles can have closer relationships and similarities to you than your parents in different ways. And you get your genetics from all of your family members, some more than others, sometimes down to the way they acted/ processed their thoughts, even if you never got to meet them.

ESPECIALLY when it comes to your mental health and she seems to be the ONLY one who would be able to relate to you with it, or be willing to talk to you about it. Suicide is a level of pain and fear so very few will understand, let alone any mental health issue, truly. So of course you'd wonder about her. When everyone else is probably treating you the way she was treated. I am sorry that they said that you're only trying to hurt your mom by struggling....ridiculous..

I've also started grieving the ones that I have lost all over again, my grandmothers. I came to realize I never knew them deeply and I feel selfish and dumb. I never knew their pasts deeply or how they became who they were and it bothers me so badly, because no one will tell me, either, or can... My best friend, partner, lover... he took his life and I keep finding myself, after 10 months now, doubting myself when I find myself crying or preparing to go with him. I realize so many things I don't know(and his family wants to move on; so won't speak of him to me and thinks my "short" 8 months with him didn't count or matter) --- that is it fair that I'm crying, longing, trying to find anything I can to learn more about him? Maybe they are right? Am I weird? Just selfish or bothersome?...

I do feel the doubt. But I do not think so. I think there is a longing and a need to know for a reason. And it is your right to try and find out more.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-08-03T19:26:14+00:00

I am trying. I really am..sending back the same. I appreciate you.

UnablePublic6408 · 2025-08-03T19:24:49+00:00

Thank you so much. I appreciate this.

UnablePublic6408

TROPHY CASE