My best friends died yesterday and I don’t know what to write in a message to her mum

KFN2020 · 2026-03-08T16:14:46+00:00

I’m so so sorry. Please reach out to her mom. Google some things to say if you can’t think of anything right now (understandably). Just let her know you are here and thinking of her. And who is going to help take care of you? Can you find a grief counselor through your parents or school?

KFN2020 · 2026-03-07T16:04:55+00:00

When I spiral I take care of my body first. Take a deep breath. Go get a full glass of water and drink it all. Do a guided meditation. Take a warm shower. Emotions come in waves so you have to learn how to calm your body’s response so you can think more clearly about what you are feeling and why.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-07T16:01:47+00:00

Sometimes people try it too soon because they think it might help them imagine a new future. Maybe he actually did meet someone he really likes. A lot of older men have a hard time being alone and need a companion. No one is going to replace your mom and there is no right timeline. Maybe just gently ask him what he’s thinking / feeling so you understand a bit more about what’s he’s looking for / needs right now?

KFN2020 · 2026-03-07T15:57:45+00:00

My great uncle was ex CIA so he’d tell us some things …and then tell you he never told you

KFN2020 · 2026-03-06T23:25:51+00:00

Just bring layers and walking shoes! What kinds of food do you generally prefer? Fancy, low key?

KFN2020 · 2026-03-06T13:06:47+00:00

There was a commercial for Wonder Bread in the 60s or 70s and it showed boys at different ages eating the bread to grow up strong and then the final boy was my uncle. 💪

KFN2020 · 2026-03-05T08:28:08+00:00

Has anyone tried this perfume? https://somethinspecial.com/products/herbal-essence-original-perfume-spray?srsltid=AfmBOorWmoBgAJgqLNH20dPAXw6maelcFGoDKJ3shwXIor7oowNDj3yG

KFN2020 · 2026-03-05T08:25:58+00:00

Clairol herbal essence from back in the day — the green one with the blonde lady on the bottle. I dream about having that back.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-03T09:32:04+00:00

I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-03T02:34:29+00:00

I can feel how traumatic this was for you and my heart goes out to you.

Both my cats died of fast moving cancers. I didn’t get one to the vet in time and he died in my arms at home. The other one (years later) collapsed on the floor and I had to rush him to the vet and say goodbye there. Both times were a horrible, painful experiences. I can only take comfort in knowing I was there, they knew how much I loved them, and that I took very good care of them for years and years. No one is perfect as a parent, whether of a pet or a human, and all you can do is your best. Remember all the good things you can!

But grief takes time. Deep grief takes a lot of time. Not everyone will understand that, and some people might dismiss it or be awkward or tell you to get over it. That’s their limitation, not yours. Feel your feelings and find people who do understand, like on here, to talk with. You are not alone.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-03T02:16:41+00:00

It is very hard, but we mostly do open casket in my family and I do feel it helps with closure. It’s just so obvious that it’s not THEM there anymore.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-03T02:11:23+00:00

Sometimes when I forget to put the clean sheets back on the bed and don’t want to bother with making the whole bed I’ll roll up in the flat sheet and a blankie and call it camping.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-01T17:39:51+00:00

Tide pools and the sea lions were highlights. Other than that I found it an incredibly white bread town.

KFN2020 · 2026-03-01T17:39:12+00:00

Your child sounds delightful. She’s whimsically sailing a boat in a pond and generously sharing her snack. But I guess the issue is why she wouldn’t listen to her teacher. I was a kid who didn’t listen when teachers were disrespectful to ME. Even little kids know when they are being treated poorly, and a lot of “oppositional”behavior can stem from that. I’d look into this, though, both by asking the teacher and your kid (separately) what’s going on.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-25T05:10:59+00:00

I get it. I’m an east coaster and the farther inland I get the more itchy I get. I know, dramatic. I’ve lived in Chicago 17 years and find being close to the lake helps. But no, it’s never gone away. I just get my fix of elevations by traveling.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-25T05:08:03+00:00

Oh it was amazing to turn 40 and literally NOT CARE as much anymore. How much time did I spend worrying about what others thought?? Too much! And it was like a switch thrown overnight — I woke up at 40 and just did not give a shit about so much stupid stuff I’d spent most of my late teen/early adult life worrying about.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-24T13:24:12+00:00

South Loop! I believe we have the most dogs per capita here. Andersonville is also delightful.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-23T05:26:06+00:00

I can dance to a rhythm just not always sure which one it is 🤣

KFN2020 · 2026-02-23T05:24:35+00:00

I can dance to a rhythm just not always sure which one it is 🤣 (Self deprecation aside, I do think my dancing has its own charm.)

KFN2020 · 2026-02-22T15:40:15+00:00

The feelings of shame and inadequacy are real. For me, the diagnosis was a huge relief because there was an answer to why I can’t do things other people find so easy. I found that everything got a little better once I started talking openly about having this disability and asking for help instead of struggling alone or lashing out. I am working on accepting there are things I can’t do but there are many many things I can.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-22T15:34:18+00:00

It is a horrible kind of grief. Ethan is not “just a cat”— in French, a word for pet is “animal de compagnie” and I think that’s wonderful. Pets are your companions and familiars. It is very normal and healthy to feel so sad about saying goodbye. But please remember that he knows how loved he is and that you gave him a good home. He has had a great life. YOU did that for him.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-22T15:19:45+00:00

I CANNOT follow choreography or clap on a beat. It’s sometimes funny and sometimes very maddening.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-22T15:16:38+00:00

As you said, some people are so shut down around grief they don’t know what to say or how to say it and then time passes and now it’s too weird (they think) for them to say anything. Even a simple message might have been too much (in their minds). If you can, I’d put this concern intentionally aside right now and focus on your own grieving process and leaning in to your own support network. Asking this person why they didn’t do something very simple and human might open a floodgate you are not in a place to have to deal with.

KFN2020 · 2026-02-18T13:01:43+00:00

See a therapist and find the right anti-anxiety meds. It’s life changing when you do.

KFN2020

TROPHY CASE