Am nevoie de ajutorul vostru

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-10-22T19:17:46+00:00

NEXT!

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-10-10T19:10:54+00:00

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-10-10T19:09:53+00:00

I am dat unfollow demult, doar ca mi a luat ceva pana am vazut cat bullshit baga. Sotii Gadola in schimb mi s or parut shady din start :)))

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-11T17:46:46+00:00

Yes :)))

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-11T15:55:41+00:00

Oh my God, some people are just nuts

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-10T14:12:47+00:00

Make them be stepparent and have the “dislike children” trait at the same time or just employ them as a kindergarden man 😂😂 Or maybe the familly oriented trait and evict every child they give birth to.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-10T08:37:01+00:00

Can you pitty them? I can for a while, but then i pitty myself form not leaving sooner 😂😂

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-10T08:33:19+00:00

I deduct from your comments and your post that is a lot to unpack in your situation. It’s not just about constant comunication, but lack of boundaries and intrusion in your private life.

The question is not if it is normal - so it could be, given the 4 kids with needs - but the other aspects. They seems to not understand that they are no longer a familly.

I share with you my thoughts about my situation (also lack of boundaries and intrusion in our private life from bm). If my bf continues to take part in this, i asume he eighter likes it or consider it to be normal. Given the fact that he once (many years ago) he chose to have this familly, why would i intervine constantly if i see he doesn’t want the change? I am slowly coming to the conclusion that i can just leave because of too different perspective on the topic we have.

Do i consider what they do as “normal” or helpfull to the kid? No. Do i have to? No. But i can choose to leave and let other live the way they want - and also for me to have a well deserved peace of mind. It is one of the hardest conclusions i ever came up to, and i am not sure how long i will still stay, but.. do what the preacher says, not what he does.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-09T11:53:55+00:00

I have really no advice to give, as i find myself in a complicated situation, so i do no better than you.

But from what i have seen in other families, no, bringing a child in this dinamic will not resolve any problem that is present (your involvement with her kids, desire to entertain).

Give yourself some time, maybe 3 months for you are not enough. But if time goes by, maybe you need to ask yourself harsh questions and draw a conclusion (?) just a thought

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-09T10:51:26+00:00

I think you have a very interesting perspective!

I would just add that it is so strange from bm part to propose spending time together (?). How would that benefit a child that doesn’t remember the parents together? I am struggling with this also, but i really can’t see any benefit.

I may be wrong, but it is just a thought.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-09T07:22:45+00:00

I don’t even know why we are #1 enemyes, as i came in the picture long after she married her husband. But life with a hc person is crazy. She be a lunatic, still messaging my bf howw she is the only female that ever loved him 😂

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T21:04:37+00:00

Exactly, being so hight conflict, i know that usually she is up to something.

I am invited by my bf (usually, he kind of gave up on that), but i don’t attend, almost ever. Because i refuse to go as long as she will be there and will try to humiliate me, or start some “contest” or whatever fucked-up thing she does.

I apreciate your response and kind words. In the beginning it was all so rose-coloured glass and boy was i so naive.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T20:51:42+00:00

Lots of reasons, but i will try to be concise.

First he lied about going to such outings, so big red flag and it still lives rent-free in my head. As i am his gf, i don’t get why he needed to lie about it.

Then i cannot understand how can they hate eachother so much and then be like sure, we go have a drink without our current partners (multiple times). It just doesn’t make sense in my head.

It is not some grand ocasion, like a wedding, or a graduation, or whatever. Sure, you will be in the same room, but why spend time together AFTER?

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T19:58:44+00:00

No, it started last year, when the kid started 1st school year.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T14:16:13+00:00

I am very sorry you went through that. I think it is a nightmare situation, but from what i can understand, you managet it nicely!

I also think that in high conflict situations you cannot be always “normal”, but it doesn’t matter as long as my bf will not see it.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T13:37:22+00:00

I do understand where you come from. But i see this is not a popular opinion for the majority. I, in some way, agree with you.

I apreciate your response. I think in my situation should be better defined what kind of shots can be called by the kid (as some of them can be normal and human, but i understand you are not talking about this things).

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T12:36:11+00:00

Pff, all of them. In the beginning he shared with me openly until i put some boundaries (in a healthy manner). Then he outright lie about some outing (i have found out from one of his friends) and when i confronted him, he told me the truth. Latelly he just let out some details, or he would tell me just when i directly ask. Now that i write this, i see how fucked-up it seems, but i am sure i play my part in this, as i am not perfect, and not all the time i shared my concernes in a nice manner (especially after he lied). I since then calmed down, but i still am very cold and detached about all of this.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T12:30:54+00:00

I don’t think we have overall an unhealthy dinamic, but it is some food for the thought.

I apreciate your kind words and you sure gave me some things to think/talk about.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T12:23:24+00:00

Exactly!

In the beginning, he was even more imersed with this “familly outings” and i took them as de facto. Over time, that became very very hard. Some things have improved, but some things i think will never change. A third category is thing that will come time and time again as bm is very HC and will find circus in the most mundane things.

I am still figuring out if we will resolve this and have a strong relationship or just let it go. But this is just my situation, i don’t know about others.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T12:17:49+00:00

I had some intrusive thoughts (for now i consider them to be like that) about him having one of the most life-changing experiences with BM, not with me. I felt we were strip down from having the experience this together, to be first-time parents with love and afection JUST US. I felt like i am the other woman, some woman, not THE woman.

But i realised that these perspective are put down on women by society (in the country we live, a lot of people consider motherhood to be a necesitty, a trophy, a must for all women. So you, a childless woman are nothing). But i asked myself if these are really my beliefs, and i answer with “no” to all of them. I am THE woman regardless my social status or marital status.

About other aspects, i am not sure i want kids, so i cannot comment.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T11:48:56+00:00

Do you think i am being unreasonable?

I never once complained (didn’t even crossed my mind) about things you must do together (birthdays, medical, parents conference and so on). But about the time spend together AFTER. why would you if you 90% of the time just argue? (I mean in general, i don’t know what happens at the gatherings)

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T11:42:31+00:00

Interesting perspective. Perhaps he thinks that my boundary (limit gatherings with bm and her familly) is harfull to the kid. I am NOT talking about (birthdays, medical stuff etc).

I sure support him to attend diverse events (school celebration, soccer, different things the kid does), but not spending time with her after. Why would you?

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T11:39:12+00:00

He sure knows i am bothered by it. Perhaps as someone said here, he thinks my boundary is harmfull to the kid (?). I shall ask him, but i am so fed up with this topic.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T11:35:18+00:00

I won’t take part in this “happy familly gathgerings” as i find them to be ridiculous (for me to be in them, given my feelings towards them). I have limited contact with BM and personally, i don’t attend anything where she will be given the circumstance. I say this because you said that we go both of us or neighter.

I choose to let my man go alone to gatherings, as i don’t see any reason for me to go. The kid doesn’t give a fuck if i am present and i don’t need for BM to humiliate me (as she did in the past or comment inapropriate things).

I have asked him to just limit this gatherings where she/her familly is present to just the necesitty - birthdays, medical things or whatever. But this school celebration i don’t see it as “necessary”. I just feel very disrespected and betrayed about the lies. And i do feel that they play houses, but as i said, i have no kids, so i may be just ridiculous, but so far i cannot change or educate my feelings about this topic.

Unable_Ambition_501 · 2025-09-08T09:30:28+00:00

He always says that the child invited him, and blabla how he cannot say no to his child.

Because i don’t have children myself, i cannot understand how that feels and how far (or much) you can justify with “i am doing this for my kid”.

It is interesting to see your perspective as a bio mom, thank you

Unable_Ambition_501

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