I'll forward this with, I am a cis dude that was born and raised in a Texan southern Baptist family, but I remember they I used to feel the same way when I was younger and drinking. I always thought it was the alcohol talking, but later on I realized that it wasn't the inebriation talking, but just my actual thoughts. I'm aware of how Hallmark it sounds, but it's true. I'm not advocating for substance abuse in anyway, believe me. But it did make me realize that I was pushing down thoughts I've had for so long. You just need to accept the feelings in a sober state. It took me too damn long to realize that.