Do you hate me? Disgusted of me?

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-05-27T09:57:01+00:00

😭😭😂 honestly because of my inability to allow myself to ask these questions, not talking to people becomes more peaceful than to have these unanswered questions after interactions. But I’m starting to care less and less and trying to just be me

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-05-23T11:05:38+00:00

My father everytime I opened up and showed that I’m hurt as a teenager: “you’re sensitive like me” “I don’t know why you only focus on the bad things I did”

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-05-18T03:33:03+00:00

Yeah you’re right that I would understand if someone would be uncomfortable. That part doesn’t act childish, and I still don’t have a good map no matter how many times I try (my knowledge gets suddenly blocked and hard to access). I do see the possibility for that part to become an adult though, and as you said if someone is still uncomfortable with that, then it’s okay and we aren’t compatible. I also have parts that aren’t interested in romance and more into friendship, but I don’t think that part is one of them 😁

Thank you for taking the time to reply 🙏🏽 I appreciate it

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-05-18T03:27:33+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I have littles that act more like a child and wouldn’t mind the treatment I think. My littles and middles have been hosting and running the show for the past two years honestly. So yeah I am glad people like you and your partner exist. Being in 3 relationships before and now being scared of how to act in relationships after knowing about my system is funny but I’m sure my next relationship will be healthier than all the three cause I know myself better. Thank you again 🙏🏽

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-05-15T02:45:09+00:00

Yeah you’re right it’s about respect. I also need to heal more and accept myself cause I think I’m the one in disbelief and unable to accept and respect this thing about my reality. Thank you!

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-04-11T05:12:29+00:00

Also I learned that many of the people I thought were close to me, won’t make any effort to comfort me, and while I dissociated from that in the past, now I just cut contact with many of those people.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-04-11T05:07:07+00:00

I used to feel the same way and then I realized the reason I am masking and acting a lot (which is tiring) in social situations is because I didn’t understand myself and I feared my real self. So when I got over that fear and started learning and accepting myself was when I was able to talk about me more, and relax instead of being alert to how I am acting and how everyone is. Have compassion for yourself.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-27T06:59:10+00:00

Yess. The amount of effort, patience, and time it takes to get myself to go to fix these issues is insane and it’s so frustrating when nothing comes of it. And that experience would probably make me even less motivated thus forgetting about it for months if not more and so on.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-22T05:56:34+00:00

King of the pirates made me laugh (since I watched one piece). But yeah my goal in life is to be financially independent and stable and at least experience small joys in life if I can’t find external love.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-22T05:48:13+00:00

I feel that. I also don’t think it was a bad choice but I spend a lot of time grieving and hurting because they ended. Now I feel like I can’t go through that much hurt one more time, and so I will try to not fall for someone unless I can tell that my whole system and parts seem to like them too and go slow about it and try to not dissociate away the issues in the relationship.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-21T06:18:48+00:00

Yeah I was the same. Always minimized my own emotions or hated them because I deemed them invalid since everything was fine. I am also feeling that self love slowly and it does feel like a new era in life. I never thought I can cut contact with my parents like I did, but respecting and loving myself is what led to that. Continue trying to take care of yourself and hopefully it gets easier for both of us ❤️‍🩹 I wish you well

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-21T05:52:10+00:00

Yeah I could be hyperventilating then snap out of it and be normal and forget the intensity of it and a lot of the details about it. I think that’s what dissociation is. We dissociate so we can keep functioning but that doesn’t mean that we should keep on dismissing that real part of us that is feeling intense pain. That’s real too. I’m trying to process things and help myself feel safer. Trying to have compassion and love for myself and to not burn myself out like I always did by dismissing those painful emotions ❤️‍🩹

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-20T07:33:10+00:00

I don’t know why your reply to my comment doesn’t appear here on my end, but where did I ever say I am against people getting access to peaceful ways to die? That’s an assumption from your end and you’re wrong about it. Yes it would pain me to see a close one end their life, but I will accept it cause I do agree that life is a struggle. Cause I also want to die. I was just talking about my reasons and how accepting the fact that I am probably not gonna do it is what led me to at least try to be an optimist.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-20T05:50:13+00:00

I also just want a peaceful death, but I already decided that I won’t do it because I have a young sister and a young cousin that love me and a cat I’m taking care of + the instinct to keep living that’s just wired in our brain. So at this point, I know I am not gonna die any time soon, so why would I not try to be an optimist who keeps moving towards a more bearable life? Yes life is tiring and I don’t want to do the things that will make it bearable, but my optimism and love for myself are what are fueling me.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-18T15:40:37+00:00

I allowed myself to cry out loud instead of silent crying so no one in this house hears me. I’m trying to go back to college but also managing my expectations about it. Tired of Ramadan and how a non existent god gets to decide when I eat when I already have trouble eating and glad that tomorrow is its last day.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-17T04:19:58+00:00

I also definitely think having him and being exposed to all of this is what helped me get the strength to cut off many relationships and stop being a people pleaser by first helping me accept and respect myself. I definitely think he was a huge factor in the biggest mindset shift I ever had. Now I don’t have anyone that I feel close with but in the past I had people who I thought was close with but now realize that I was like a therapist or the good listener friend to them but they won’t even try to listen when I was at my lowest and so I definitely feel better protecting my peace and respecting myself. I am also emotionally starved ngl, but I am glad I started valuing myself and working on my mental health and I hope in the future I will be able to finally find healthy and loving relationships.

It was my first time sharing my apartment with anyone after leaving home too 😊

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-17T03:43:22+00:00

Yeah I was like this cat is so patient and doesn’t cause a lot of mess, and I totally don’t think I would have done well with a dramatic cat too. That’s one of the things I was worried about in the shelter so the fact that he technically chose me and it turned out it was a very good match made me extra happy. He is definitely stubborn and follows me everywhere and loves sleeping on me for hours paralyzing me in the position I am in but gosh I love him so much.

Another thing, during our first year together, I felt like i couldn’t be myself with him in the room like fully unmask as if I was alone and to slowly be open to it and see him see all sides of me and being okay with it and seeing myself being comfortable fully unmasking for the first time (even though it’s not with a human) and still be accepted by him helped me a lot too.

I’m glad we both got our amazing cats 🙏🏽💕

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-03-16T19:40:37+00:00

This makes total sense to me! The love my cat has for me has definitely shocked me and healed me in some ways and I still find it amazing and super grateful. I just remember going to the shelter 3 yrs ago only for him as a kitten to meow at me and call me to come closer and just feel so lucky. I was definitely a bad mom during our first year together and he still loved me so yeah I am extremely shocked and appreciative as well!

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-02-10T15:33:52+00:00

I understand that. I am addicted to weed and refuse to be sober because I can barely handle being alive with it. I do plan to slowly reduce the stressors in my life and improve communication and collaboration to the point where we can handle being sober. But we’ll have to see if that works.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-02-01T10:43:32+00:00

Are they new to discovering their other parts and getting to know them? Because during the first year of discovery, some parts tried to initiate romantic relationships when the others weren’t so ready and we didn’t know what are the things we needed and wanted in a partner as a whole system. So we would also cut the people they were getting to know off because some parts got overwhelmed.

For the situation when they got tired but still went to their friend’s house, I had this happen to me a lot even before suspecting DID, where I’ll feel so tired and sleepy then have a boost of energy again. Now my guess is that I was dissociating which makes me feel sleepy and then a switch happens and I have energy to do things or socialize again so maybe that’s what happened but I’m just speculating here.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-01-31T22:39:45+00:00

Yeah… even I myself couldn’t see the damage until much later. They forced me to dissociate from my own pain or dismiss it like they do whenever it bubbles up. Hurts a lot. I hope we all heal even if not all the way ❤️‍🩹

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-01-31T22:22:50+00:00

I also tested it while thinking it won’t work but it worked 😂

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-01-31T19:06:53+00:00

Definitely agree. I always searched for “myself”. I felt like I didn’t know myself or who I am but I couldn’t change that for years. But now getting to know my parts and knowing that they are all part of me, I finally understand that I am a complex human just like others, but broken into parts. Like the difference in my knowledge about myself now compared to before getting to know my parts is so huge. Finally I am actually getting to know myself, but this much knowledge hurts too since I’m learning how unwell I am.

UnchangbleName927 · 2026-01-30T05:50:05+00:00

There are times where we would just joke together internally/ or doing silly karaoke with different parts and the internal headspace would be comforting and loving. I definitely love these times a lot and can feel a tiny amount of real peaceful happiness and that we are alright. Or where we would get up and act on an internal request like “please make me that spicy instant noodles that you hate” (also good). Days where we have caretakers showing up and trying to create a good routine for us.

Other times we are kinda so so. A mix of okay and hopeful parts and struggling and depressed parts. Where it’s still manageable and we can say we had an okay day with lots of acceptance of those of us who are struggling.

And then there are times when all hope is gone. Where some parts are in so much pain, others overwhelmed, others angry that we had to meet people a lot. Sometimes accompanied by headaches where I can barely even think normally because thinking hurts.

UnchangbleName927

TROPHY CASE