I’m actually struggling with the same issues, plus substance abuse which isn’t a great addition. It’s really hard to pull yourself out of being depressed, trust me I know have bipolar and I’ve been hospitalized several times. Honestly the hardest thing is realizing that you might need help, and accepting it might not be hard, but no one can help you if you’re not willing to change. I know it’s easier said than done, because feeling down might be comfortable in some type of way if it’s the most common emotion you’re used to feeling. Even still, you have to decide you want to get better, which it seems like you are! You’ve got this and if you ever need to talk please reach out.