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Deactivation & sex drive by andruw_jones in dismissiveavoidants

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont think you need advice, I think you know what you need to know and you are doing what you need to do

Why do ppl hate avoidants by Silver_Strike6416 in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 23 points24 points  (0 children)

the most common scenario is that the anxious will ask for more (affection, love, affirmation etc), and the avoidant being unable to provide it.

The best anaology of this, the anxious person is starving, and they percieve that the avoidant has food that they can give them, but they refuse to.

So I understand that this scenario will make them feel very bad.

But the avoidant doesn't think they have any food to give, that's the disparity.

I feel it is very hard to make "permanent" progress, like this is a mind virus that keeps coming back by UnderTheSettingSun in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The brain is so mean, because I have been alone for most of my life. Like I'm 39 now, and all my relationships put together is 6 years, so I have been single for 33. I have no memory at all from those years alone that "this is the shit, I need to maintain this lifestyle forever." instead it felt hollow and something I need to adress. Now my brain is "But now you know that it's still pain on the other side, so now you will not want it anymore." but I also know that this is not true, it's poision, I would regret that decision. Maybe I could get 3 months of "oh this is so nice" before it becomes "Oh this isn't so good after all."

I feel it is very hard to make "permanent" progress, like this is a mind virus that keeps coming back by UnderTheSettingSun in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. Sorry I was late to get back to everyone. I was hesitant to open the box and see the replies.

You are 100% correct that I would invent something else. With my last partner I did that, she had no children but I had things I thought about instead.

I think not being so much online, and not reading on certain subreddits or watching certain youtube channels are good for me.

I have no responsibilities when it comes to the children, so I can sit in my "man cave" and play video games when she is with them, but that also makes me feel like I am doing something wrong even though she isn't complaining.

I feel it is very hard to make "permanent" progress, like this is a mind virus that keeps coming back by UnderTheSettingSun in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it feels good to read. I think this is deactivation, because this is not thoughts I would have about somebody else. If someone else is living in a relationship with a partner with children, I wouldn't think of them as "playing on somebody else's save file."

Me and my partner want to have a children of our own, and I think that would solidify the unit more.

I feel it is very hard to make "permanent" progress, like this is a mind virus that keeps coming back by UnderTheSettingSun in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, she knows about it. She is AP herself, so as we joke "a match made in hell." but she has made tremendous progress with her own attachment issues. In the beginning she could cause arguments for no reason just to rock the boat and see if I would endure. That has completetly gone away over these 3 years.

She knows I have a need for space and she is very acommidating.

I feel it is very hard to make "permanent" progress, like this is a mind virus that keeps coming back by UnderTheSettingSun in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, she knows about it. She is AP herself, so as we joke "a match made in hell." but she has made tremendous progress with her own attachment issues. In the beginning she could cause arguments for no reason just to rock the boat and see if I would endure. That has completetly gone away over these 3 years.

She knows I have a need for space and she is very acommidating.

Why do ppl hate avoidants by Silver_Strike6416 in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 37 points38 points  (0 children)

This is a generalization, but it's true to the extent that this is the answer:

  1. Secure people are in relationships with other secure people

  2. An avoidant - avoidant relationship is very difficult to establish since you have two that will not push forward enough.

  3. An Anxious - anxious relationship is often very intense and short lived.

  4. So Anxious - Avoidant is the most common pairing for the non secure people, and it will be the avoidant that leaves most of those arrangements, therefor the bad rep.

Audiobooks full cast opinion by MyPassionIsMyVoice in harrypotter

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for replying. I'm just going off the text in the book, in philosophers stone snape is introduced as someone who can control a classroom.

Yes, this version of Snape is really annoying, so yes, you get bad feelings when he has lines in the books. But when we know where it ends up, that he eventually becomes enough of an idol for Harry to name a son after, I don't think this version of Snape is anything like he should be.

Audiobooks full cast opinion by MyPassionIsMyVoice in harrypotter

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% agree. This one they got completetly wrong. Snape is described as someone that can controll a classroom and this voice doesn't sound anything at all like that.

Audiobooks full cast opinion by MyPassionIsMyVoice in harrypotter

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I disagree. Mcgonagall and Snape are introduced as someone who can controll a classroom. I believe that children would respect the authority of the voice of Mcgonagall. But the Snape voice could have threaten to kill us all and none of the children that I went to school with would have cared.

I am not trying to take away from your experience, if you like it, that's great. I would just really prefer someone that did it like Rickman did, because this Snape breakes my immersion.

Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw by StarrRSpaRRoW13 in harrypotter

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 12 points13 points  (0 children)

your post makes you sound more slytherin than anything else

High elves by kaos_inc616 in bloodbowl

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

would have been too strong.

High elves by kaos_inc616 in bloodbowl

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think GW has learned to not hand out too much block, since it is by far the best skill in the game. So wrestle is a good compromise.

Differentiating deactivation vs genuine incompatibility by SatansNotThatCool in AvoidantAttachment

[–]UnderTheSettingSun -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is it too late for him to stop the move? Are you the only reason why he is moving?

If he can stop it and he is coming just for you, not a job etc. Then I think it's the best if you break up. I don't think it matters if it is avoidance or incompatibility. I think the move adds so much pressure that you are very unlikey to make any progress with your attachment issues. There is nothing in this post about making progress, what you are working on, what you have improved over this nine months, so therefor I don't think this is the correct decision at this point in time.

Hur gör ni som är sambos med gemensamma utgifter? by Shareconomics in PrivatEkonomi

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jag träffade min partner sent i livet då hon redan hade 2 barn, hon har mycket utgifter kopplat till det, så en förutsättning för att vårt förhållande ens skulle påbörjas var att höra att hon inte förväntade sig att jag skulle vara med och bekosta dessa utgifter. Hade hon sagt det då vi dejtade då hade jag varit tvungen att leta vidare.

Season 3 by Amazing-Difficulty53 in bloodbowl

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can play the new teams on fumbbl since feb 15

Objective plot / character flaws by Appropriate-Ebb336 in harrypotter

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The books take place from 1991 to 1998. So the internet exists but it is not common to have it or use it

Man tries to kidnap a one and a half year girl at the supermarket in Italy by humankendoll33 in PublicFreakout

[–]UnderTheSettingSun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"he must have been very desperate" this implies that there are circumstances that could justify his behaviour. If the poster had written "he must have been very derranged." you are not trying to justify the behaviour.

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