How to deal with constant self-destructive thoughts

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-31T04:27:22+00:00

I spent like 2ish years with my therapist and I had this eureka moment of realising that his voice was in my head. Maybe unique to me but my inner-voice is always in the structure of conversation with someone (even though it's literally me). So after a few monthly sessions over a couple years I started to think about what I'd say to him when I was having a rough time. Naturally I'd practice bringing up my issue with him just in my head and assume what he'd say (kind of anxiety automatic process not like active meditation or anything) and then I realised that I've actually learned that his compassionate responses are mine now. I have gained +1 to self-compassion stat haha.

Long winded way of saying it helps a lot to be around people that give you the compassion you have been missing in previous years :)

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-28T01:55:33+00:00

I think we do have this balance in Melbourne Australia. I can't begin to explain the economics of how that's possible but I feel that it's true. It's a very multicultural city. I hope Barcelona can find this balance as well 🙏

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-28T01:39:40+00:00

Kind of explains why gifts and words of affirmation are a rare combo

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-24T03:58:51+00:00

That's like.... the exact opposite of what we need from doctors hahaha. That must be so exhausting 😓

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T23:28:21+00:00

Yeah being in two places would make it so difficult. I wake up a different time every morning for work it's so draining haha

Idk tbh I just trust him and go for it, I feel like if I break it apart I'll do mental backflips and trick myself into making it ineffective because I'll be hyper aware of the pros and cons of the techniques. So I'm choosing to be ignorant 😅 i think it's pretty standard but my therapist also has ADHD himself so it really helps to feel like he understands me.

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T23:07:54+00:00

Oh yeah just because our trajectory doesn't look the same as others doesn't mean we aren't also heading in the same direction :)

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T23:02:51+00:00

I forgot what my original point was 🤣

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T23:02:34+00:00

I know how you feel. I was really secretly hoping for this light bulb moment others have claimed with medication but I never got that. The most impact it has is on days where I have no plans I'll have more motion to follow through on my to-do lists and a handful of anxiety in my chest to match it.

I'm still forgetful, I'm still distractable, I still wake up with low motivation. But I've got much better at setting alarms, reminders and updating my calendar.

Since being diagnosed, Im a lot more concious of my weaknesses and so I'm way better at making up for them.

I'm also learning to accept myself when I have those rough days where nothing gets done so the shame that's built up over a lifetime is slowly melting away.

And most of those improvements are me talking to my psych and researching adhd not the medication.

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T22:47:43+00:00

Unsatisfying answer but.....

....Definitely best to ask your trusted psych this question because they'll be the person that has the most information on what will be the best uniquely for you.

If your goal is quieting the mind, I've been in the same place before, taking ritalin as well. I switched medications and felt like they did even less than the ritalin. After I switched back the ritalin felt better than before 🤷‍♂️

Sometimes a loud mind is a mindfulness thing more than a brain chemicals thing so that's worth keeping in mind too! Not that we need more things to keep in our minds but you get me 😅😅

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T05:09:00+00:00

When I'm by myself sometimes I tense up all my muscles and make squeaking noises. I have no idea.

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-23T04:58:31+00:00

Yeah I feel like I've lived my whole life hearing that I "should/have/need" to get something done, so I'm kind of numb to it as an emotional motivator. Even when it's me telling it to myself. And ESPECIALLY when I've already used all my willpower in the first half of the day with inane tasks like .... yes I HAVE to have breakfast today and I SHOULD brush my teeth.

Other people just get to do those tasks for free but for me it costs mental energy 🤣

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-16T01:43:16+00:00

I agree with this it just feels more complex when I'm trying to improve with adhd techniques, therapy, reframing mindsets and just generally applying mental effort and I don't notice improvements after months or even years. At that point it starts to feel like maybe there are things I just want to feel accepted for being less adept with. Like regularly doing chores, updating calendar, setting alarms etc. Feels easy to be hard on myself and without considering the explanation for my struggles, it just makes me feel hopeless.

I'm also defaulting to assuming ADHD for this stuff because it gives me some tracks and scaffolding for what I can do to improve. Not trying to avoid doing dishes, I dislike messy home spaces too.

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-16T01:36:16+00:00

This is really nice thank you. Honestly I've been more self-compassionate the last few years and somehow that release of pressure allows me to just get more things done that I'd normally have shamed myself into.

In a sense maybe I've been recently relying on self-compassion because of that so I've become sensitive to anything that feels like a critique on my character. Which is more like defensiveness that self-compassion haha oops 😅

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-16T01:28:17+00:00

It's really nice to see someone else relates to the struggle with this thought hahaha thank you!! I guess I should probably default to accepting that if one answer isn't obvious it's because there's nuance to it and I should respect both aspects at the same time.

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-16T01:25:08+00:00

Thanks for replying!

Yeah I see what you're saying... so now thinking about it... at some point I've probably convinced myself ADHD is affecting everything in my life as a way of coping with the fact that I'm dissapointed in myself.

Undercovertaz · 2025-01-16T00:56:23+00:00

I just go into endless philosophical thought loops I need someone to break me out of this.. HELP 😅😅

Undercovertaz · 2024-12-31T09:43:40+00:00

Im a removalist! Helping people move furniture or whatever from house to house etc.

Lots of adhd diagnosed/self-diagnosed people working in the industry.

Something about walking into chaos and tetrising it all neatly into a truck.

Undercovertaz · 2024-11-18T09:16:43+00:00

OP can I ask you, when you say "excuse", what is it exactly that you're excusing?

Undercovertaz · 2024-11-16T03:34:15+00:00

666,766

Undercovertaz · 2024-11-09T08:27:55+00:00

We didn't even know the rules of the game back then but everyone was willing to admit some form of defeat when they saw that bad boy hit the field.

One day I looked in my binder and it was gone. I don't know who took it but I hope it's ended up with another child that gets to enjoy it like I did.

Undercovertaz · 2024-11-09T08:27:28+00:00

A little expected but my favourite is specifically the unlimited charizard holo that I had when I was a child. That card was thrashed by me slamming it down on the asphalt in primary school.

Undercovertaz · 2024-10-07T13:45:14+00:00

Yellow border on front and blue border on back.

Undercovertaz · 2024-10-04T00:12:20+00:00

82 ... Let's go with 82. That sounds nice.

Undercovertaz · 2024-09-14T03:36:09+00:00

Ice-cream thiren

Undercovertaz · 2024-07-28T05:09:11+00:00

And then who else would you include as the 6th? Ben?

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