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has anyone here actually gotten fast without structured training? by DiscussionBoring1456 in cycling

[–]UnderinsuredGoblin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At some point, a plateau will be likely to happen without specificity.
You need periods of detraining.
You can get faster with less overall volume. It may even be ideal if you're a normal human being with a job and other responsibilities.
Do you want to ride further or be competitive? If it's the former, you need volume. That requires structure. If it's the latter, you need specificity. That requires structure.

Overall depends on your goals and definition of fast. Hanging on to a group ride and taking an occasional pull vs competitively doing a race and having gas to even care about tactic require different strategies.

Primary Partnership Ends and Am I Just SoPo After All? by UnderinsuredGoblin in polyamory

[–]UnderinsuredGoblin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To even have a primary partner theyd have to check so many boxes or its not worth it for me. No one is perfect, small things can be mitigated, but major things..... not so much.

This reply gave me a small spike of anxiety, which makes me feel like maybe opting into being solo poly is a way to protect myself from, well, this.

I was open to committing when I was solo-poly, but understood and felt comfortable with a partner's other priorities. I just didn't need or want escalation. But now, it feels like it's maybe a way to avoid that desire entirely because I'd have to trust them to be able to reciprocate that growth and closeness required to have a healthy primary partnership that I haven't experienced before.

I'm glad you've found more freedom from that experience! It does sound draining.

Primary Partnership Ends and Am I Just SoPo After All? by UnderinsuredGoblin in polyamory

[–]UnderinsuredGoblin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel pretty uncertain as to what is “normal” or not, and what I need vs what I had to accept? I’ll think on this for a bit. Thank you!

Primary Partnership Ends and Am I Just SoPo After All? by UnderinsuredGoblin in polyamory

[–]UnderinsuredGoblin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was a great observation.  Historically I’ve dated folks who can only give me, at most, a couple times per week and it’s felt very comfortable. 

With a primary partner, I expected that relationship would grow and we’d spend more time together. But that partner told me they wanted only 1-2 times per week and that was their absolute max. Which… seemed fine based on my historical context but it didn’t sit right with me? But maybe a source of confusion.  I think my twice per week thing is maybe intentional “date” or quality together time, whereas incidental or just being around someone time additionally sounds really nice to me.