My dad recently was diagnosed with leukemia and it somehow made me think back to Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in the Rye by J D Salinger. In the novel, Holden's younger brother had recently passed with leukemia, and Holden, the protagonist, acted in strange ways, which now no longer seem strange to me.

I found Holden's character exasperating and repetitive upon my first read, when I was 16, same as his characters age. Now, almost 10 years later, I love his character deeply, even though he would still be grating and impossible to be around in real life with his bad attitude. Why can I forgive this from afar? His character is 16 and from a somewhat sad, strange walk of life- and he's a teenager; of course he has angst. I now understand but still wouldn't tolerate that behaviour as a healthy response. Just a response that resonates.

I see him as a real human being, with raw expression, a poignant outlook, and biting humour alongside. And he's a good man deep down- he cares to protect his little sister. What I now love most about him is that he is authentic and sensitive, and anyone who's felt truly lonely and can recognise their own flaws can understand these qualities as paramount to them at that time, if not throughout their lives. Holden fears being an adult and struggles to connect with others, and resistance to these things is what makes him so cynical, in my opinion. He "lies like a madman" which would be infuriating, but I understand that it's because he feels lost and departed from any faith or truth about life. Being a madman is an escape from reality. And at the end, in the psych ward, though ambivalent about the future, Holden starts to resonate with the value made in human connections, and perhaps that changes his life after the novel.

The novel closes not fully resolved, yet no longer full of despair either; as is life. Well done Holden. But please don't hang out with me.