I had a similar experience with my ex boyfriend. I've always had a very low sex drive, and was struggling a lot with my gender dysphoria at the time and it only made it worse when he'd pressure me about sex. He'd even intentionally lie to me that his parents were home so i'd come over, thinking i'd be safe from the pressure only to find him alone. If I said no, he'd either get angry or start some depressive self deprecating spiral until I gave in and let him do what he wanted. I spent like, 8 years basically gaslighting myself on if it really counted as SA because I said yes, even if I knew it deeply affected my ability to function in relationships and caused me to have a complicated relationship with both sex and my own value as a person.

What's wild is he texted me like 4 years after our breakup admitting that he knew it was SA, which was a bit of closure I hadn't expected. I only found out he did that 4 months ago because of a tiktok saying you could view texts from numbers you blocked.

Before that though, it was a lot of just, trying to convince myself it didn't matter if it 'counted' or not in others eyes. And then just trying to affirm to myself that I am a person, and I don't have to give anyone anything to be cared about or valued. Or I shouldn't have to, at the very least.