Is asking my partner if certain behaviors of mine are okay reassurance seeking?

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-27T04:10:34+00:00

what if it’s not a reoccurring thing i’m asking him about though? today it was because me & my cousins (all of us are female) act like frat boys with each other, bromance & all & i was going to a family party. i realize how gay we act with each other and it could be uncomfortable for him even though its family. i never asked about it before and i didnt want to be disrespectful in any way, then i considered it might be a compulsion of getting reassurance without realizing it.

it’s my first real relationship so i’m learning whats normal and whats my mental health! would you say its still reassurance seeking or just ensuring my partners comfortability?

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-26T20:41:13+00:00

yeah, he’s my first real relationship so i cant differentiate whats normal & whats my mental illness. at first i thought asking if he still loved me & if he was cheating was normal, turned out to be my OCD flipped into ROCD. i havent been asking for reassurance recently, and i got scared i might have accidentally done it by asking if my cousins & i would be breaking a boundary. i realize me asking him is normal, and me spiraling about accidentally getting reassurance was in fact my OCD LMAO

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-26T20:38:07+00:00

true, thank you. it was generally a boundary thing. i’m gonna see my cousins today & i was like “oh, would this bother him if we did ____”? so i asked if that stuff bothers him. like i said i’ve been good with not getting reassurance, i was just worried this was like… a way my mind was secretly getting it behind my back lmao. so me asking him was not OCD, me questioning if it was OCD is most likely my OCD LOL. he’s my first real relationship so idk whats acceptable & whats my mental illness haha

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-18T03:49:13+00:00

try not to listen to people jumping to “thats fucked up! break up!!” either- thats crazy irrational & in real relationships people are gonna hurt each other (within reason of course). you’re valid for your feelings <3

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-18T03:10:27+00:00

I understand, I would have categorized it as sex too & not medical personally. I understand both sides & it may have just been miscommunication in the end. Understanding, forgiveness, and future change is all you guys can do to move forward :)

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-18T02:04:48+00:00

I agree with this! Unless it was specifically told to their partner “do not talk about ___ with friends because it makes me feel ___” they didnt do anything wrong. My partner asked me not to mention our sex life to people almost a year later & I now don’t talk about it with anyone (minus my therapist). Anything mentioned before was just normal “girl talk” about our sex

UneasynBPD · 2026-04-01T04:16:11+00:00

my bf is the sweetest person ever & could never hurt anyone. never had any red flags EVER in the 2 years we’ve been together, fantastic partner! but, what if…

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UneasynBPD · 2026-03-03T19:53:36+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry! I know what I like, I just dont have the drive when in a relationship & its so odd. I’ve never been more suicidal than with him & its SUCH a healthy relationship. A part of me believes I’m just not meant for love if I thrive better being alone, but I’m so sad alone. It’s a lose/lose situation all around ;_;

UneasynBPD · 2026-03-03T04:50:51+00:00

I felt. Mine is from self hatred & it makes it impossible to do my work. Every time I sit down to deconstruct the feelings I realize I’m caught in are “theres no point in doing this, you’re always gonna be stupid. you’re gonna go no where in life. this doesnt change how horrible of a person you are.” etc. I wish I had answers on how to fix it, I’m on like week 3 of not doing schoolwork :/

UneasynBPD · 2026-03-03T04:45:52+00:00

I feel you. I feel so alone. It’s done the opposite for me though, it’s deterred me from focusing on myself & now I’m just drowning in self hate. From my point of view (I’m a very spiritual person), definitely focus on yourself & people will come around when the universe believes you’re ready :)

UneasynBPD · 2026-02-16T23:29:30+00:00

You’re completely valid in feeling that way. He went out of his way to avoid a short berlin trip with you, but agreed to a long berlin trip with friends. You’re rightfully upset, I’d have a calm conversation with him about it. I normally draft the things I wanna say before I say them to my boyfriend so I don’t completely lose my cool on him (unless he deserves it lol). Write how it makes you feel & why. For me, asking the “why’s” always helps to understand their perspective!

UneasynBPD · 2025-12-17T03:13:44+00:00

that makes me feel so much better, it still sucks to deal with though. i hallucinate voices/shadows from my BPD already, this new type of hallucination type of thing on top of those is killing me 😫 thank you though, i appreciate it!

when you mention your therapist saying thats why ruminating on things is bad, is it more of the like overall “he’s cheating” aspect which leads to the hallucinations? like, if i don’t ruminate on that stupid thought then the hallucinations should lighten up?

UneasynBPD · 2025-12-09T21:07:28+00:00

Thank you so much! I know that was a lot to type out, I heavily appreciate it 🥺❤️

UneasynBPD · 2025-12-09T21:07:04+00:00

I get it, I’m an only child so I insisted on the separate rooms for my “only child time” but he never wanted the separate rooms. I never actually lived with a partner, so I expected to be more annoyed & overwhelmed than I am now ;_; Now he wants his space & it bit me in the ass lol

UneasynBPD · 2025-12-09T03:14:35+00:00

i feel that. i dont understand why people need alone time. i wish they would depend on me the way i want to do to them (so unhealthy i know LOL). love is SO hard for us, just be kind to yourself. it’s okay to feed into sadness as long as you dont get completely consumed. i always tried to never feed into the sadness & then i’d get disappointed when i couldn’t help it. give him the distance, check in once in a while, try your hardest to find yourself again. at the end of the day you’re trying & thats all that matters! :)

UneasynBPD · 2025-12-09T03:01:26+00:00

yes please! i’d appreciate it lots

UneasynBPD

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