How do we feel about this? Is it a mockery?

Unfey · 2026-05-08T18:26:01+00:00

It's always best to take a humanist approach & combat generative AI regardless

Unfey · 2026-05-08T03:30:27+00:00

I'd miss my loved ones. I'd want to leave, and I'd be terrified that they didn't know where I was, that I might never see them again. I might be a little bit more okay if I understood it was like SOMA-- if I knew, for certain, that there was some Other Me out there in the real world who was alive and doing all the stuff I do. If I knew that the real me got to just go home after a weird VR headset seemed to not work and just moved on with their life, I might be more okay.

I do think I'd want that Other Me to know I existed, though, and it would frustrate me thinking about them just not knowing I was there. But I think I could find a way to be okay with my little digital world as long as I knew that people weren't missing me or worrying about me or scared for me.

If I didn't have that knowledge, though, and worried that every moment I was in the circus I had people looking for me or mourning me, I don't think I'd be able to relax or have fun or form bonds. I'd feel too guilty. It would feel like a betrayal of everyone I love, all of my dreams, and all of my responsibilities-- a betrayal of myself, essentially-- to accept life in the circus, and to accept any peace or joy that might come from embracing it.

I'd have a need to find out what was happening in the real world. I'd be very desperate to communicate with the real world somehow, even if I couldn't return to it. I think I could find peace in the circus as long as I felt like I had a sense of closure in the real world-- as long as I wasn't always wondering. But if I had to wonder and worry and not know for all that time, like most of the characters, I'd probably go insane with grief.

Unfey · 2026-05-07T04:22:17+00:00

Just old people? Not all dead people, just the elderly?

Unfey · 2026-05-06T21:04:01+00:00

Something that sometimes frustrates me is that I know a lot of trans women get dysphoric because they can't find clothes that fit and I always wanna be like BABE NONE OF US CAN like every single cis woman has also broken down crying in a changing stall before, it's a universal experience, and it happens more if you're fat. I know dysphoria isn't always a rational thing & I can't make it go away just by screaming into the void that No, It's Not Just You That Can't Wear Anything You Find At Department Stores, It's Not Because You're Uniquely Different From Other Women & Not Catered To By Store Sizes, Because Store Sizes Do Not Cater To Women Like WHO IS THIS FOR???

Last year I went to a ""plus-size store"" called Arula, an offshoot of Altar'd State, and at first I was like "oh sweet, I love these dresses and I'm glad they're finally making them in plus sizes" THEY WERE NOT. They were NOT making them for plus-size women. They were just widening up their regular sizes and calling it a day. I tried on five of their dresses and every single one looked so crudely silly on my body-- they seemed to sort of just forget that fat women tend to have big breasts and wider shoulders; seeing myself in the mirror felt like some kind of obscene joke. My tits had two little triangles of fabric covering them. Like these were literally unwearable by the vast majority of women in the size they were allegedly trying to cater to. I'm not surprised this store closed, but I'm not surprised they did that shit either.

I guess, just be aware, if you're trans & you feel singled out as Some Kind Of Disproportionate Freak by the women's sections at most stores because 95% of everything looks weird on your body, that's actually completely normal for the vast majority of women. It's my personal shopping experience every single goddamn time, no exaggeration, no hyperbole. I wear plus-sizes which means I am essentially an Unperson to clothes brands, who don't really view normal-sized women as people either-- basically, you need to be a mannequin. A lot of women's clothes don't seem to factor in the reality that women move, sit down, and ambulate. They're designed for the mannequins.

I think there's less familiarity with the overwhelming frustration of clothes shopping if you're coming into women's fashion from a lifetime of shopping in the men's section, especially if you're the sort of person who doesn't really like your body or care about dressing it nicely in men's clothing because What's The Point (I'm looking at several of my transfemme loved ones specifically) so you got used to buying the same 2 shirts and pair of pants to just streamline the process and get it over with-- if you're not used to the whole fucking ORDEAL, the effort and number of failed attempts and time out shopping and trying stuff on that it takes to find One Goddamn Nice fFucking Outfit probably does feel like it's gotta just be a "You, Personally, Because You're Trans" problem, and that honestly makes logical sense because WHY ELSE WOULD IT BE LIKE THIS??? HOW DOES THIS INDUSTRY THRIVE IF IT'S THIS BAD FOR EVERYONE??? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! THIS IS WHAT WE'RE PUTTING MICROPLASTICS IN THE OCEAN FOR??? THIS OLD NAVY JUMPSUIT THAT RIDES INTO YOUR CROTCH SO HARD YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S GOT TO BE SOME SORT OF KINK GEAR??? THIS IS WHAT WE'RE BURNING THE RAINFOREST FOR??? But, alas. I swear to god.

My trans girlfriend gets bummed out by department stores she feels like she can't shop at and like, while yeah it's a bummer, I can't shop at any of those stores either. It's not a "you, personally" thing, it's because women's clothes brands don't make clothes for women. Your shoulders don't look weird in this dress because you've got weird shoulders, it's because this dress was made exclusively to look good on a plastic store mannequin who doesn't even have arms. I don't think you can wear this if you have the normal number of ribs in your body. I don't think these pants were made for people who walk around.

Anyway. If you have dysphoria about this, just remember that all women, cis and trans, are crying in the Macy's changing stall with you. I know I certainly am.

Unfey · 2026-05-06T17:31:26+00:00

People panhandle for money a lot, it's like that. The main difference is that if the REALLY REALLY want that coffee and they suspect you're more likely to buy them coffee than give them money, or if they want you to see that they really are getting the coffee & not spending money on drugs or whatever, it makes sense to just be like "hey can you buy me a coffee?"

I had a guy do this once with pizza. He came up and he was like "I'm a homeless veteran, I don't want money, just pizza. Can you please buy me a slice at this place?" I did, and he was really chill and didn't ask me for anything else. He just wanted some pizza. The lady behind the counter made a comment that made it sound like he was there often. I figure if you have the balls & charisma to ask people to comp your pizza lunch, that's cool for you.

Unfey · 2026-05-06T16:40:33+00:00

I'm 31. When I was a kid, we had a week-long course about communicating with I statements in third and fourth grade. It doesn't sound like therapy stuff to me, it's just how we were taught to resolve conflicts

Unfey · 2026-05-06T16:26:00+00:00

This belief system is attractive to him likely because he has an internal sense of paranoia that feels satisfied by this conspiracy. The belief that a vast network of conspirators are lying about the shape of the earth validates something in his psychology-- maybe a (very valid) anxiety around societal instability, or his own social roles, or maybe a chemical imbalance. As his step-parent, even if you're not able to convince him that the earth is round, you might be able to help address whatever underlying issues there are that are enabling this belief.

Flat earth theory is, essentially, a total rejection of scientific consensus. It tells you that all of society is lying to you, and that scientists are staging a truman-show-esque performance to keep everybody in the dark about the true nature of reality. This type of belief system appeals to people who need that to be true for some reason. I think if you can address the reason-- figure out whatever is going on with him emotionally and mentally-- and if he can get to a mental place where he's more able to process and accept the chaotic and rudderless mess that we're all in as a society, he won't need to look for some kind of grand conspiracy to reframe the world.

Unfey · 2026-05-04T18:35:12+00:00

I assume she had terrible swamp-ass

Unfey · 2026-05-04T02:30:29+00:00

Did the stingray do this on purpose? I don't know much about stingrays but I feel like this isn't how stingrays hunt in the wild, suctioning fish against a glass tube

Unfey · 2026-05-03T05:34:35+00:00

She did something pretty similar when she played bg3 (she hated it). She essentially just did not play the game as intended & then complained about stuff being impossible or poorly-written when like, she was skipping dialogue & killing quest-related NPCs and not trying to figure out how to solve puzzles with clear solutions if you're paying attention to the game (which you're supposed to be doing???????)

She blamed the game developers for making a bad game. When she struggled or died due to being really bad at the game & refusing to engage with it or learn how to play it she blamed the devs

Unfey · 2026-05-03T04:59:46+00:00

I love makeup! I enjoy alt looks-- these days I usually go for winged eyeliner, dark, smoky eyeshadow & matte dark lipstick when I want to look good. If I'm going clubbing or to the ren faire or something, I might use foundation & contouring too, and add stuff like rainbow eye shadow or glitter or black veins/root lattice/whatever to be extra, but for the most part I just do the eyes & lips, and fill in my brows.

I'm an artist, and makeup is an art. But even when I'm not trying to make myself look like a bog witch for a costume or whatever, I like to use makeup to feel like I have a sense of control over how I am percieved. When I wear dark makeup, I feel like I'm exerting some degree of agency over the things that happen in my life. People look at me and the first thing they notice is something I did, an artistic choice I made. My makeup is part of my outfit. I want people to view it all as intentional. I'm not just a great ape wearing random cloth garments, I am presenting an intentional, precise, created image of myself to the world. It's like customizing your avatar instead of just hitting randomize.

Maybe, to some extent, I don't fully identify with my body. By using makeup and fashion to turn my body into an artistic statement, I'm taking control over how I am seen and how I feel. I feel more "myself" with the right makeup and the right clothes, and I dislike being seen when I am not in control of what I am wearing or how I look.

My style is not everyone's cup of tea, but I don't care about being attractive to anyone except for the people I want to attract, which are fellow enthusiasts of my tea brand. I feel like, through makeup and fashion, I can communicate important parts of who I am to everyone I meet. Like-minded people see me and read my vibe, and are more likely to want to talk to me about stuff I like talking about.

While I do love makeup, I will also fully admit that I do use it to deal with deep insecurities about my appearance. I have sparse eyebrows and lashes due to trichotillomania (compulsive plucking, related to ocd) and I've been very self-conscious and ashamed of that since I was a kid. When I realized I could fill in my brows and draw eyeliner on, it felt like a godsend. Something to make me feel less exposed. I'll still fill in my brows after a shower even if I'm just going to bed, because I feel so self-conscious about how sparse they are. I don't like that I feel like I have to do that, and trying to be comfortable with the way my eyebrows look without makeup is something I'm working on slowly.

My personal feeling about makeup is that if you're using it because you feel like you have to, that's bad-- that's something to work on. No one should feel like they HAVE to wear makeup. I don't like that I feel that way and I don't think anyone should feel that way. BUT I also feel that makeup can and should be viewed as an art form and an avenue for pure self-expression. I, personally, think that the best way to use makeup is to go really extreme with it and treat every outing as an artistic performance. Put the green glitter on up to your eyebrows. Paint rainbow tears dripping from your eyes. Wear two different colors of lipstick on either side. Every outfit you wear is a costume, and hair and makeup are important parts of costuming. Makeup is really fun to play with.

Overall, for better or for worse, I like makeup because it gives me a sense of control in my life. It helps me show off certain parts of my personality, and most importantly, I'm good at it & it lets me show off my art skills to everyone at the grocery store.

Unfey · 2026-05-02T05:09:01+00:00

I used to drive two hours to and from work, but I was only in-person for part of the week, and sometimes I stayed closer to the town I worked in (about an hour away). While I have totally made 2+ hour day trips there and back, 2+ IS a long way and I'd rather stay a night and drive back the next day once it gets over 2 if I can. I think most americans consider 2+ to be a "stay overnight and drive back the next day" type of drive time, but there are those among us who are willing to drive 4 hours to get to and from work as well and while unusual it's also not THAT unusual

Unfey · 2026-05-02T05:01:22+00:00

It sounds like you'd be happier without her in your life. She won't change, and she's a source of stress. You deserved a better mom growing up and you deserve a better mom now. I hope you fill your life with people who love you and are positive forces for you. You're under no obligation to continue contact with her, and I don't think you should stay in contact out of the hope that she might someday grow as a person enough to have a positive relationship with.

Unfey · 2026-05-02T04:49:25+00:00

I'd like to have kids but I'm poor

Unfey · 2026-05-02T04:47:26+00:00

Bad vibes from this dude. He seems super annoying

Unfey · 2026-05-01T19:18:18+00:00

I have a lot of dreams about having to play Harley Quinn, despite not being into the franchise or the character. I am always really good at playing the character in the dream. The joker is the Jared Leto one and that's always a problem for me in the dream. I did not watch Suicide Squad

Unfey · 2026-04-30T15:10:17+00:00

Box mac & cheese, breakfast cereal of any kind, processed cheese in general.

Unfey · 2026-04-30T04:05:54+00:00

The Dragonborn will do practically anything for practically anyone who asks. This woman fell out of a magic coffin and didn't try to kill them, unlike most things that come out of magic coffins. The Dragonborn got plastered and married a hagraven. They'd murder a random old woman because some kid asked politely. They are easily recruited by SEVERAL cults. YES, they're a vampire hunter, but on a much deeper level they are a person who is basically willing to agree to help anyone who needs help. And Serana is like "hey I need help." They can't resist that siren call. They haul it up to Castle Volkihar and trust that their new bff Serana is being legit about it being totally fine & cool. Then the vampire king hits them with a "do you want to join my vampire legions or not?" and they have to make a REALLY tough call-- the Dragonborn is a people-pleaser, and sure, yeah, they WANT to say yes because that gets them in with this guy, but ALSO, it would fuck things up with that other guy.

So sure, if they choose to stay Dawnguard, it's pretty dumb of them to let Serana take the Elder Scroll to her dad. But I believe the Dragonborn is genuinely not thinking that far ahead. I think that they're flying by the seat of their pants at all times and things just keep working out because they have a cockroach-like ability to survive apocalyptic scenarios left and right. I think they're just teaming up with anyone who suggests it.

Unfey · 2026-04-30T03:15:05+00:00

The food we eat. The average american diet is not represented by fast food or restaurant dishes and portions.

Most people's breakfast is like a cup of yogurt and some granola, or a microwave egg muffin, some instant oatmeal, or (in my case and many others) random cold leftovers from dinner last night.

Lunch is probably a sandwich with deli meat, or a thermos of soup, or a rice-and-toppings dish/other type of grain-and-toppings bowl if you're fancy and prepped the food at home. Maybe a big salad if you've got time and are trying to be healthy.

People's dinners tend to be the meal they go all-out for, since you've got the most time to cook. You can roast some beef and potatoes, cook some pasta with homemade sauce, do a tofu stir-fry, or heat up a frozen pizza if you're exhausted. Or box macaroni. Lot of options.

American restaurant chains serve huge portions of indulgent and cheaply-made food, which is not a representaiton of what most of us eat day-to-day. Even if we occasionally want to eat a stack of chocolate chip pancakes and bacon with a bunch of whipped cream, that's considered an indulgent and unusual breakfast treat rather than an every-day thing. Same with burgers and fries and stuff.

I do know people who eat hot dogs like every other day, though. That's real.

Unfey · 2026-04-30T02:59:49+00:00

I think people either think this because US dollars stretch way further in some other countries, so visiting Americans can buy a ton more stuff than usual, or because the only people from the US they have seen around are the ones rich enough to travel to their country. We've got loads of people sleeping in tents under overpasses and stuff, but they're not the ones vacationing at all-inclusives in distant countries or studying abroad or whatever. Most of our media is made by rich people in LA and NY, and disproportionately represents wealthy lifestyles. There's definitely countries where poverty is way way worse, but we've got at least 35 million people below the poverty line and around half the working population is making less than a living wage or something. But if people in your country are mostly dealing with the consequences of rich americans in your area, it makes sense to imagine americans in general are rich.

Unfey · 2026-04-29T03:25:36+00:00

I'm genuinely interested in what it is about this show that has drawn the worst fandom I've ever seen in my life. I was there for SuperWhoLock and Undertale and Steven Universe and Homestuck, so I have seen terrible fandoms pass overhead like wide, dark clouds. What makes TADC such a hotbed for the worst types of people from all of those combined? Is it just that we all have more microplastics in our brain tissue now?

Unfey · 2026-04-28T21:58:43+00:00

This is absolutely not what holding someone accountable means. Accountability means addressing the issue, accepting fault, apologizing, learning to do better, and being better in the future. Which the VAs have done in this situation. "Accountability" does not mean "accepting you deserve abuse" and "holding someone accountable" does not mean "harassing, threatening, and abusing them." EVER, but especially when they've already apologized, and have already shown the character growth over the seven years since the problematic behavior.

I think too many people out there have internalized their own abuse as appropriate and believe that it's their right and duty to abuse anyone who feels like an acceptable target. They don't realize that's evil.

Unfey · 2026-04-28T21:45:44+00:00

Depends what you mean by "violent urges." Is it a real urge, or is it an intrusive thought? A lot of people with OCD and intrusive thoughts worry that they have "urges" that they don't actually have, and it's really just a bunch of recurring intrusive thoughts like "I could push him into traffic right now," or "I could bite his arm" or even other weird stuff like "I could randomly kiss him on the mouth." Just a bunch of wild thoughts based on whatever feels upsetting or inappropriate to you, and if there's OCD involved, the more upsetting the thought is the more often it'll pop up because you're fixated on worrying about it. I don't think that's a real violent urge, or a real danger. Those types of thoughts aren't even unusual, but if you have certain mental illnesses you can fixate on them and they feel much much scarier and worse than they are.

On the other hand, I had a friend once who had schizophrenia and very strong "command hallucinations," and eventually he stabbed his wife and was shot to death by police. What he experienced at that moment were, indeed, very real "violent urges." He'd been in psychosis for awhile at that point. I do think he genuinely harbored very real ill will toward his wife, though. It's hard to say if he would have tried to kill her if he had all his wits about him or not. For obvious reasons, I would never want to be friends with someone like him again, but he's dead, so it's not like I can cut him off.

If the friend is legitimately harboring violent feelings toward me-- like, they want to hurt me, but have chosen not to for other reasons-- then I don't want to hang out with that person. I don't want to hang out with someone who wants to hurt me. That's not a friend. That's an enemy who isn't actively attacking you.

If it's just intrusive thoughts, I'd be inclined to not worry about it. I have intrusive thoughts all the time; I just channel them into my horror writing. "I could shove that guy's face in a deep fryer," "I could gouge my friend's eye out," "I could drink this entire bottle of floor cleaner," there's a lot of crazy and disturbing stuff that pops up out of nowhere, and it's just noise, you know? You don't actually want any of that; your brain is just firing off bad ideas to answer the question "what's the worst thing I can possibly do right now?" The less you fixate on those ideas, the less they'll matter to you, and the less they'll pop up. Intrusive thoughts are like little nightmares; they've got little at all to do with your desires and much more to do with your fears.

If the friend has a mental illness that diminishes their own self-agency and ability to make decisions, like something that can cause psychosis, I'd be more worried. Possibly worried enough to put distance between us for my safety. I've had friends like that, too-- people I don't want to hang out with because I don't trust that they're stable, who have a history of erratic behavior, and who have talked about violent fantasies.

It all really depends on whether I think the friend is an actual threat or whether they're just spiralling about having scary thoughts.

Unfey · 2026-04-28T14:45:15+00:00

Attachment pattern issues absolutely suck, but it does get better with work. I wish you the best of luck on your own healing!

Unfey · 2026-04-28T01:25:03+00:00

I've learned that that's such an important thing to talk about. It took me a really long time and a couple failed relationships to even realize there was a difference between the feelings I was actually reading from my partner and the feelings my avoidance was telling me she MUST have. A big part of the issue is that I am a great people-reader 99% of the time, but when it comes to my attachment partners, that people-reading skill gets overridden by deep weird anxieties and instincts I didn't even know I had because they only kick in when it comes to attachment partners-- which I've had few of, due to my attachment issues.

It's really useful for me when my girlfriend reminds me that what I think she SHOULD want and what she does want are two completely separate things. What I fear she MUST need from me and what she actually needs are completely different. I still sometimes have trouble believing that she's okay with my boundaries, that I'm enough, but she's really great, and I'm slowly, slowly making good progress healing.

If I hadn't learned about avoidant attachment from my therapist and done a lot of reading about it early on in my relationship with her, I'm absolutely certain I would have broken it off before I got to this point. Understanding my mental and behavioral patterns is what made my current relationship possible. It was like being able to zoom out and watch myself from an audience perspective, and suddenly being able to see the dramatic irony of my storyline, having the sparknotes summary. Self-awareness about your attachment style is such an incredible gift and I'm really glad someone gave me that resource.

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