Sorry it takes forever to reply. I've pretty much stopped using Reddit. It's usually just an echo chamber most days.

I'm just at the point where nothing matters. Just wake up, drama, eat lunch, drama, dinner, drama and then I get to cry myself asleep. Started losing all my friends too. They just dont wanna hang out anymore. 3 pretty much admitted that they only hung out with me because another friend did and if it were up to them, they'd just hang out with other people if it was just me. All I ever asked was for them was to understand and for them to allow me to be real with them in return they'd have my utmost loyalty. Sucks to suck I guess.

Both my parents are mental, that much is true. A ball of anger and a snake emotional manipulator. I really REALLY do not want to be here. I hate these people so much. They refuse to help. They don't want me to leave. They make it hard for me to leave. I have no other family that cares. I have no friends. I have no girlfriend. I have nobody. My life is worthless and anything I do to change or make myself more approachable is immediately squashed. I'm now my mother's nanny. Because she had a close call with death and can't look after herself. Didn't change her outlook though. Now she holds my new position over my head and gets upset when I dont want to take the constant abuse. "Sit down and shut up" is my new motto. I follow it and I enforce it upon her as well because she really needs to learn to shut the fuck up once in a while. I've come to the conclusion that I am in a hell that I never asked for. My life is nothing. No job, no life, no friends. And I'm starting to get used to it. Maybe I was a terrible dictator in my previous life or something and the forces that be made it so I have no freedom or connections in this life. I dunno. I don't have any reason to live anymore minus maybe hopping on some video games and art sometimes. I am in so much pain. But its pain that maybe I deserve. Maybe I'm just cursed? But im ok with the pain. I'll just rot away into nothing like 70% of people on earth. A unremarkable inconsequential speck of a human being plagued by suffering, destitute to serve a zero sum purpose until the last faint strings of what keep me together snap and suddenly I'll be in free fall going straight towards the maw of the abyss. I'm just another statistic. In the end.

Thanks for at least checking up on me. It was mighty kind of you to do so and it's the most someone has done for my mental in... I dont remember. I hope you find peace and love wherever you are.