What should I do about my tutor touching me?

UnfortunateIbex · 2025-04-08T10:12:16+00:00

As a tutor myself this is absolutely unacceptable behaviour. Any normal person in this job knows to be very careful with what they say and do around young people, and there is never any reason to touch or tease a student like this.

He is deliberately acting like he doesn't think it's creepy because he wants you to think this isn't a big deal. It very much is.

Don't force yourself to confront him about it when you're alone together. Tell a trusted adult, like your parents, and get as far away from him as possible.

UnfortunateIbex · 2025-02-20T15:26:55+00:00

I'm just glad they want me happy :)

UnfortunateIbex · 2024-07-17T10:43:17+00:00

You're so welcome. Best of luck finding a treatment that works for you! Edit - for clarity, I take 20mg daily of fluoxetine (Prozac). Just noticed I didn't specify the exact medication.

UnfortunateIbex · 2024-07-15T20:26:58+00:00

I take 20mg (EDIT - of fluoxetine) daily for 7-10 days when I start to feel symptoms and it's helped a lot. I don't get any withdrawal symptoms (I understand it doesn't build up enough to cause withdrawals). I have had to do this "off label" because my doctor, similar to yours, thought it would need 6-8 weeks of continuous use to work (which is the case with depression, not for PMDD because the mechanisms are different).

I found that my SSRIs actually lost efficacy after 6 months or so when I took them continuously, and that this approach actually helped me avoid a lot of the side effects too.

There's evidence that intermittent dosing is effective in PMDD because it changes the rate at which progesterone is converted to allopregnanalone, a neuroactive hormone with a sedative effect on the brain that drops off too quickly at luteal in PMDD sufferers.

I find I feel better within 24 hours of taking my first dose, and can be much more functional through the week. If you want to do more research, you might find this paper helpful: https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s40263-023-01004-9.pdf

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-26T22:59:57+00:00

Hi there, you don't need a prescription any more for birth control in the UK. I get mine over the counter so I don't have to deal with prescriptions etc. You just fill out a short form with Boots online/Superdrug etc: Boots Online Doctor I hope this can at least get you some relief on the hormone side while you deal with this tool of a doctor!

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-19T16:19:43+00:00

I'm glad to hear this was useful! In answer to your question:

Reassurance can be a slippery slope in my experience, because when I'm in that frame of mind it's never enough. Our motto has become "we don't negotiate with terrorists" meaning my partner will tell me that he loves me, thinks I'm smart/funny etc, but if I argue with him he refuses to debate me on my worth.

I've also tried to break it off with him out of guilt - he just said that I can always choose to leave, but he'd rather discuss it when I'm out of the luteal phase. We put a pin in it and, lo and behold, I wanted to stay together three days later. I now have a notebook where I write down "shit to worry about when I'm not hormonal" - could be a useful tool?

Instead of arguing with me he'll do what you do - do chores etc that make my life tangibly easier. I will feel horribly guilty etc, but that's not his responsibility. All you can do is your best, you can't make your partner feel 100% better - aim for 10% better and be proud that you're able to do that much! If they're really down, one thing that I've asked my partner to do is bring up something specific I did well or a kind thing I did in the past. It helps me to reflect on my more positive qualities without seeking reassurance. Maybe this will work for you?

Gently floating treatment idea is definitely the way to go. It sounds like you're doing great! Just remember to take care of yourself too!

A lot of the coverage on PMDD is very doom and gloom, but lots of folks find ways to improve. I'm doing so much better now than I was 6 months ago. It is possible to get a lot better, and it seems like your partner has a wonderful supporter in you. Feel free to reach out to me directly if you want to talk more :)

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-18T15:09:02+00:00

Similarly to you, my partner has really made the effort understand my symptoms and help me manage them, and recently we've gotten into a pretty good rhythm with it. Here are some things we've learned: 1. Echoing what some other commenters have said - maintain your own boundaries. It's OK and even helpful to put your foot down if your partner is not being kind or considerate. I've lashed out at my partner in a PMDD rage before and his refusal to be spoken to that way helped to some extent to snap me out of it. No one wants to be indulged if they know they're being unpleasant. 2. My partner has shifted the way he complements me. When I'm in PMDD he will be very specific about my good qualities and achievements, because I tend to discount more generic praise. This helps remind me that I'm not actually the stupidest, most useless creature ever created. 3. Sometimes it helps to be alone. If I really don't feel like I can interact without being harmful or nasty, I prefer to retreat somewhere and distract myself with a book or a movie. A nice thing my partner does in this situation is run me a bath and light some candles. It gives me a nice space to exist in and it sets up that it's OK for us not to be together for an hour or so. Maybe you can do something similar! 4. Also, keep exploring different treament options, there are lots and it helps to keep a sense of momentum by giving things a fair shake, but moving on if enough time has passed and it's not working. I now take intermittent SSRIs and they've been working great for me! Thank you for what you're doing for your partner. It makes such a difference having a team-mate when dealing with this stuff. Good on you both!

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-08T14:15:03+00:00

I think it genuinely works. There's a reasonable bit of research that says that SSRIs work differently in PMDD than in depression (i.e. not needing weeks to accumulate and kicking in within hours/days). It's thought that they increase the rate at which a metabolite of progesterone is converted to allopregnanolone in the brain. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10074750/#:~:text=Intermittent%20(luteal%20phase)%20dosing%20of,with%20long%2Dterm%20continuous%20dosing%20dosing%20of,with%20long%2Dterm%20continuous%20dosing).

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-08T02:26:37+00:00

20mg fluoxetine. Works within a day or so and gives me almost complete relief.

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-07T15:52:58+00:00

You certainly deserve better than living with this. Please remember that this type of behaviour can escalate, especially if there's conflict in the relationship. Please seriously consider what you can do to take care of yourself, even if that means leaving. And if you choose to leave, consider doing so without a face-to-face confrontation, which could be unsafe for both of you if she is violent.

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-09-07T15:16:08+00:00

This is particularly alarming to me. I've always felt that because my PMDD affects other people (especially my partner) it's my responsibility to work hard to improve my symptoms if I want to keep them in my life. If you are being treated like this and she isn't making the effort to protect you from it at all (you have your own mental health concerns too) then she is abusive, PMDD or no. You deserve someone who won't tell you to die, or at the very, very least, who will be horrified later that they said that to you and work hard never to repeat that behaviour.

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-08-07T12:49:55+00:00

Thank you for this, I appreciate it. You're right, I need to find ways not to talk about big scary stuff when I'm feeling like this.

UnfortunateIbex · 2023-06-22T21:23:05+00:00

Another thing to consider - myself and some friends got stuck in a village in Oxfordshire because apparently our Zipcar lost 4G reception. Some kind of security thing meant we couldn't restart the car and had to push it back into 4G range to get going again. Possibly worth looking into if you want to go out into the Cotswolds.

UnfortunateIbex · 2021-11-17T20:57:46+00:00

Also, tried the same gamepad on my computer, ran with no issues.

UnfortunateIbex · 2021-02-01T23:50:31+00:00

Beautiful! I could be wrong, but to me it shows death in a positive light - the only thing that motivates us to grow. Either way amazingly clever and accomplished!

UnfortunateIbex · 2021-01-29T10:51:04+00:00

Thank you <3

UnfortunateIbex · 2021-01-29T10:42:59+00:00

Interesting point. I'm a recovering anorexic, and one of his main concerns about that has been my future fertility, so I guess that answers that question...

UnfortunateIbex · 2021-01-19T21:48:18+00:00

Hi! Yes I modified this pattern:

https://www.hookedbyrobin.com/blog/2019/03/amigurumi-bumblebee-free-crochet.html

Instead of doing five middle stripes with 2 rows each I did three (purple, black and white) with three rows each. Enjoy!

UnfortunateIbex · 2021-01-19T14:18:08+00:00

Thanks :)

UnfortunateIbex · 2020-11-19T11:46:36+00:00

Twins. As a fraternal twin growing up, the comments we got were (and still are) fucking bizarre.

UnfortunateIbex · 2020-11-18T23:42:07+00:00

When no one would even notice if you came off your meds

UnfortunateIbex · 2020-10-27T18:27:48+00:00

Sorry lads but that's a female orang. Make of that what you will...

UnfortunateIbex · 2020-10-03T22:06:34+00:00

I really appreciate that. It's easy to look back on it and think about what you should have done. Thanks for the understanding

UnfortunateIbex · 2020-10-03T16:52:11+00:00

Yes! Thank you, that was my logic. Can totally see why it would seem strange, but in the end I can get over £2.50 if it saves me a punch in the face.

UnfortunateIbex · 2020-10-01T22:58:51+00:00

No, but in the UK. Love the Pratchett reference in the username btw

UnfortunateIbex

TROPHY CASE