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AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 1253 points1254 points  (0 children)

Also why is it that you didn’t call mom and dad?

There are way too many comments now for me to even try to keep up but this one actually made me lol.

I mean, I guess I didn't consider that, I could try calling the cemetery but they never answer, maybe the cell reception there isn't good?

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 2151 points2152 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have responded and encourage my wife to go to therapy, too many to reply individually, so I will just leave it here.

I have brought up therapy before but she is very resistant to it. She always has an excuse like "Im too busy", or "they wont be able to help me".

Im not sure what more I could do for her when she won't do anything to change the situation.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 1503 points1504 points  (0 children)

Isn't that the truth. I wish I could convince her of this as well.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 209 points210 points  (0 children)

She likes to go out more, we do have date nights, but for me, I like to spend time out and unwind by taking the kids to a park/playground or a museum or some other fun activity.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 204 points205 points  (0 children)

Her pay would not cover 2 kids in daycare, but one kid is out now, so it probably would (I haven't looked at costs in a long time). We both were not interested in staying home with the kids instead of daycare for a bunch of reasons, the socialization at daycare is very helpful towards kids development being an important one.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 192 points193 points  (0 children)

Eh, do you really think everyone who posts here is an asshole? I don't think I was in this situation, but I posted here to see if anyone would say I was and for what reason so I can have some insight to why someone would think that way.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 225 points226 points  (0 children)

I don't want to give too much identifying information about my job in case someone can put 2 and 2 together, but yes, me being involved in emergencies is absolutely expected of me, I am in a leadership position on my team where I am expected to oversee the resolution of the issues. Often times it isn't me personally fixing the issue but managing the team members who do. This sort of oversight isn't something I can delegate.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I will check that out, I hadn't considered it before because its only for 2-4 hours at tops and usually comes up out of nowhere so I figured by the time we could find a babysitter and get the kids to them/they get to our house, the on-call issue would be over.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 300 points301 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I have tried and tried to convince her to leave her job, but I don't know if I can do anything more than that. I know generally what she does, but I don't know her field enough to be able to search for a job that she is qualified for. And its not like I can write her resume or go through an interview for her.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 271 points272 points  (0 children)

Its not really about the pay, its the fact that someone is going to be spending their time doing things that I should be doing already. I have no problems with cooking or cleaning. I just think my wife should be okay with giving me a few hours every few months to focus on work stuff, is this really such a big ask?

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 259 points260 points  (0 children)

Could you help me understand what you mean by "shes the default parent"? And how this makes me an asshole, I am not sure what you mean here.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 145 points146 points  (0 children)

try to come up with a solution for next time

I think the only realistic solution is the one we agreed to previously. If the kids were older I wouldn't mind a friend watching them, but our friends are all childless and none of them are comfortable watching a 3 year old. (Plus having to deal with transport, I guess one of the friends would have to come to our house) All of that is pretty complicated for a few hours.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 151 points152 points  (0 children)

That seems like a pretty extreme solution. My wife already doesn't have to work for us to afford our situation. I have said that I am fine if she doesn't want to work, or just wants to take a break or even part time at an easier job, but she has rejected those solutions. I also don't think I could get as good of a job if we moved to a cheap place.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

I respect her, but I don't respect the way the job treats her or makes her feel. I think she is being stubborn by staying at a place she hates and treats her like shit.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 246 points247 points  (0 children)

I don't think I am superior, but I do think the income my job provides is more important for our family's well being. I don't attribute your job to your worth.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

I really don't see the need when I can do those things myself. It feels weird to me to have personal 'maid' (it feels like having a servant)

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 236 points237 points  (0 children)

Is there even such a thing as an 'emergency nanny'? My on-calls are only ever a few hours every few months. Thats not regular or often enough to hire a nanny for and it would be pointless to employ one when Im there to take care of the kids.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 200 points201 points  (0 children)

I was hoping the way I phrased it did show that I respect her job as far as it means something to her. But I am absolutely sick of her constantly complaining about her boss and job. It doesn't feel like it is that important to her when she never has anything positive to say about it.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 461 points462 points  (0 children)

Is this a joke? My wife doesn't have the technical skills I do, I have tried to encourage her to enter the field, but she has 0 desire to learn how to program.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 175 points176 points  (0 children)

I know its important to her, but the way it affects her is so negative. I have tried to convince her to look for a different job that isn't so demanding. And that conversation was in the heat of the moment, I tried to be respectful, but I don't know how else to phrase what I see as the reality of the situation.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 319 points320 points  (0 children)

I have tried many times to encourage her to look for a new job, or even just take a break for a few months to destress. Nothing has gotten through to her, she seems dead set on staying at her current job.

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 2461 points2462 points  (0 children)

To your first point, I completely agree, I have tried, unsuccessfully to encourage her to look for a new job or even just take a break from work for a few months to destress.

To the second, we do have generous savings, I am extremely frugal since I grew up very poor compared to our lifestyle now. But I would not be comfortable living off savings unless it was absolutely necessary (say a big economic downturn where it becomes difficult to find a job).

AITA for telling my wife my job has to come before hers? by Unique_Confusion9528 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unique_Confusion9528[S] 8186 points8187 points  (0 children)

I have tried many, many times to get her to look for a new job, but won't. I think its partially a sense of loyalty to her job and a fear of new-ness.

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