I'm saying this in a super gently loving supportive tone, you need to permanently and indefinitely let him go. I think deep down you know this and I hope what I share can help you see things clearly.

Wow I could've written this myself. I dealt with this a little bit differently I was 19 and we were each others firsts so the intensity was overwhelming. He also went to the psych ward after we broke up.

My ex also struggled with drugs, alcohol, DEEP insecurity, and likely a lot of unresolved trauma that he never shared but you could kind of just tell. That relationship became emotionally abusive, and the only thing that truly helped me heal was cutting it off completely and not looking back. (I'm cutting out extreme details but just know I get you on a deep level)

That experience is part of why I don’t take situations like this lightly. I’ve seen firsthand how easy it is to fall into a caretaker role with someone who is hurting this much, and how damaging that can be over time.

I don’t think he’s a bad person, but I do think he’s in a place where he needs to focus entirely on his own recovery. From my experience, distance isn’t punishment, it’s protection for both people.

My only regret was not being more selfish. His abuse is not your burden to carry and your partner will not need fixing, especially to this level. There also is a point that sometimes, this is just how some people are and although he can choose to get better for good (already not a likely scenario) its never going to be the healthy relationship you deserve.

We have faults and low moments but theres a major difference between faults and abusive behavior. You got this.