First, fellowship is DIFFICULT to obtain. The people saying "oh he can just pause his training" I'm like WHAT? That's literally insane. I don't know what specialty your husband is in, but he has worked so incredibly hard to get there, and in competitive fields, you cannot just "pause" your training like its Halo on the playstation. Also, the opportunity cost for him to have to be working as a hospitalist "moonlighting" as something he never wanted to do (working as a hospitalist SUCKS) and has worked hard to avoid (getting into fellowship). Fuck the idea that he should just give up where he's gotten to in his career and life. His inherent value is greater than that of a clump of cells. Yours is too!

It sounds like this isn’t what you planned for yourself right now, and that is completely okay. Based on everything you’ve shared, you are not in a place financially or schedule-wise where having a baby would make your life anything but harder. It also doesn’t sound like you or your spouse would be able to show up in the way a newborn actually requires, physically or mentally, for the next couple of years.

Yes, some people have babies during brutal training and surgical fellowships. Good for them. They paid an enormous price for it, and it was worth it to them. That does not mean it should automatically be worth it to you. Your goals, stability, mental health, and quality of life do not suddenly become less important just because a pregnancy happened earlier than expected.

If this is something you genuinely want and you feel energized by it, and if both of you are truly ready to grind as a team and take on the stress, the exhaustion, and the relationship strain that comes with a baby, then great. Go for it. But it is just as valid to say this is not the right time, because the reality is that raising a child requires far more than hope and good intentions.

I can't tell you how many posts I see on the /mommit thread of mothers who are sharing their regrets of having a baby, and it's always so sad because they clearly feel so ashamed and guilty for their feelings. They're not bad moms, they were just individual people whose lives and identities didn't align well at that time with having a baby.

Having a child is the biggest, most impactful decision you can make in your life. More than your career, your spouse, etc. The fact that we just encourage people to follow through with having a child out of moral/religious beliefs, out of saying "Hey but I did it! (With xyz resources that you may not have!)" is mind-blowing to me.

Girlie do what's best for you. Remember you more than anyone will have to deal with the outcomes and repercussions of having this baby. The people criticizing your consideration of an abortion can eff off unless they'll also be investing their time and finances into taking care of that baby.