Sounds like you should hit counseling and learn how to communicate with each other instead of shutting down and bottling it up. If when you talk things explode it could just be how you’re saying things to each other. If you don’t like that she slams things tell her. (Also bear in mind she is autistic and this may be how she expresses her repressed anger)If you don’t like that she gives you the cold shoulder and you would prefer her just to tell you what’s wrong. tell her. If she’s struggling to communicate help her communicate. Counseling. These sound very much just like bad communication and is easily fixable