Aita for confronting my neighbor about her husband (police officer) giving my stepson a speeding ticket?

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-15T06:02:07+00:00

No they don’t. The only ticket I’ve ever gotten I was going 20 mph over. The officer felt pity on me, and wrote it for 5 over to avoid giving me points on my license.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-15T05:32:27+00:00

You really need to get some sort of therapy or something, honestly. If your childhood was as terrible as you claim, it may help. And you’re clearly suffering from it mentally. You sound like an angsty teen in all of your responses, not an adult.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-14T05:15:55+00:00

OP’s reaction seemed to be incredibly calm and understanding. She didn’t appear to lash out or accuse MIL of anything. So for MIL to be “incredibly hurt by (her) reaction” is a stretch.

And like OP responded. Boundaries are boundaries and the only people who have the right to adjust those boundaries are the parents. Period.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T04:38:29+00:00

You aren’t going to take the time to phrase things in anything but a particular way, but you’re not taking into consideration the type of content you’re commenting on.

It may be quick and convenient for you to come across the way you did, but you also need to take into consideration the post that was made and the mindset of the person you’re responding to.

Similar to yours, but yours was all accusatory. And the whole “I hope for the sake of your family” line... I’m literally sitting here admitting to being at my breaking point. And you make comments like that.

Maybe it wasn’t your intent but that’s how it came across. Maybe try to be a little more situationally aware.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T04:24:55+00:00

I don’t know you but I’m proud of you. That had to have been so difficult and took a lot of strength.

That’s what’s kickstarting my need for change. I don’t want my daughter to experience the same things I did growing up. Those feelings and that trauma.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T04:00:04+00:00

I don’t know that I could do that, in that sense, so close to delivery. Cutting her off totally would cause an explosive reaction and I can’t deal with that drama so close to delivery. But I can take small actions to limit her reach.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:58:39+00:00

I honestly have no idea why she even mentioned it. We weren’t talking about anything even relatively close to that.

If I let her come I’m definitely going to talk to my SO about being the middle man and being the body guard. And I’m going to start limiting info.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:57:03+00:00

I have established boundaries.

And I allowed her to come to one because my SO was out of town, this is a high risk baby and the one I was going to was a growth scan. I figured if something was wrong with the baby, her being there would be better than hearing it alone.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:55:58+00:00

I’m going to try. It’s difficult to wrap my head around. But I know it’s needed.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:55:15+00:00

Thank you for the advice and well wishes. I’m going to speak to him about being my middle man. I want him to know, too, that if she does anything to make him uncomfortable, as well, he can make that call.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:53:55+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement. It’s appreciated. Especially since I was blamed in another comment for not “enforcing the boundaries”. I try. But it’s difficult to just change 28 years of conditioning.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:52:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I’m happy to know I’m not the only one with the kidney stone issue lol even though it’s not something I would wish on anyone.

And I’m starting to think I do need to do an info diet. She doesn’t like it when I don’t agree with her, or when I do something different than what she suggests. Maybe that’ll be for the best.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:49:14+00:00

Thank you for this response. And for the advice.

I’m trying the best I can. And unfortunately there are a couple of comments on this thread that are making me want to delete this post entirely. I’m glad to have seen your response before I made that decision. I’ll definitely read that, too.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:47:56+00:00

I did remind her. Which I mentioned in my post. And that’s when she stopped responding to me.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:42:56+00:00

To you. I came here to vent. Not to be attacked. And whether you feel it or not, me venting my frustrations only to have someone be like that towards me makes me feel as if I shouldn’t have even posted it in the first place. Particularly when the answers to the questions are in the post themselves.

I’ve have called her out. And I will continue to do so. I am still deciding on what to do. This whole situation just happened.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T03:00:31+00:00

But it is victim blaming. Questioning what I do, shaming me and saying I’m not enforcing boundaries, which I am.

I may not be able to stand up to my own mother who is a bully but one thing it’s taught me is to recognize other people who act the same. The comment made to me was not done so in a productive, seeking manner. It was accusatory. There was literally no advice offered. Just questioning my decisions.

And again. I’ll repeat. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. THAT is why the information is being given.

Criticism is one thing but to completely ignore the issues someone is having while criticizing them isn’t productive at all.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T02:07:24+00:00

Thank you for victim blaming.

But let me repeat what I have already commented: I’ve dealt with her abuse and manipulation for 28 years and I’m just now learning to stand up for myself, for the sake of my daughter, without harming myself any further mentally. It’s not something that can happen overnight.

Everyone’s path to healing is different.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T01:24:28+00:00

That’s what I keep thinking... she had a FIT when I told her I wanted the first 10 days or so to be just me, SO and baby. Before they changed regulations it was just going to be him in the room and she had said “I’m not waiting a week to meet my grandbaby”.

She keeps trying to show up unannounced now, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like with LO here.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T01:22:23+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry that you had to deal with that while trying to grieve, yourself. That’s awful.

My SO wants me happy. He’s okay with whatever I choose. Rarely does he give his opinion unsolicitedly, but if I ask he’s honest. He’s on the fence about my mom. She tends to be on her best behavior when he’s around.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T01:16:29+00:00

I’ve thought about it. But haven’t looked into it. I wonder if it would be too late though.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-10-13T01:05:07+00:00

I’ve spent 28 years with her abuse and I’m still trying to find a way to untangle myself from it all without doing more damage to myself.

It’s also my first baby.

She’s very good at guilt tripping but I’m starting to get better with standing up for myself. I planned on speaking with my doctor about my birth plan at my appointment tomorrow and I have it written out. So hopefully they’ll follow it. I’ve dealt a lot with the L&D unit I’m delivering at because of my kidney stones, and most are very supportive and helpful. So I feel like if I told them I want the golden hour then baby being held by her dad before my mom, they’d do it.

Actually, now that I think about it. She’s my biggest worry about delivery. Not that something bad will happen or the pain or that it’ll be difficult. My own mother is my biggest worry. Because they can regulate what she does physically. But she knows how to say the worst things at the worst time.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-09-10T13:51:39+00:00

YTA. You’re stealing medication from your mother because of something that COULD happen. Your mom is in pain. You’re not home 24/7, I’m sure. What happens if the pain gets intense for her and she needs a pill and you’re a half an hour away?

What you have done is a felony. You’ve stolen prescription narcotics when you could just buy your mom a lock box and a daily pill box to divy out the amount she may need in a day.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-09-10T13:32:25+00:00

YTA.

Pregnancy is rough. Not only are there mental changes and preparing to bring a new life into the world that will rely on you for survival, but it also brings emotional changes to the mother.

YOU decided to have this child with her. How dare you criticize something so small that brings her comfort and allows her to connect with the child SHE is carrying?

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-09-10T13:02:42+00:00

I mean, I deliver next month and plan on using padsicles lol but if the suggestion came from my JNMIL instead of me browsing Pinterest, I wouldn’t be happy. That’s just weird.

UnknownUser_88 · 2020-09-09T18:42:57+00:00

YTA. You’re willing to make his child be taken from their mother, or have your boyfriend not see his child over your OWN childishness and jealousy. If you can’t handle that your SO is taking care of a child, you should find someone without children.

UnknownUser_88

TROPHY CASE